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Do you ever tell the next woman ?

(47 Posts)
pookyandponky Sat 23-Nov-13 00:06:14

Simply that really.
Do you even tell the next woman he's a lying cheating b*****d?

Anniegetyourgun Sat 23-Nov-13 00:07:26

Well you might do, but she's not going to believe you. Not until it happens to her.

pookyandponky Sat 23-Nov-13 00:09:35

What if you can show her the evidence?

MiniBirdYay Sat 23-Nov-13 00:12:51

Nope. Its a rule. Perhaps because its part of "letting go"


fifi669 Sat 23-Nov-13 00:12:55

She'll believe she's different...... Mutual friends or acquaintances have more sway

payhisdebt Sat 23-Nov-13 00:27:55

no because people can change

nopanicandverylittleanxiety Sat 23-Nov-13 00:34:38

No. Act indifferent and don't bother. She would probably just think you are a crank and not believe it.

pookyandponky Sat 23-Nov-13 00:44:36

I suppose I wouldn't want to be made a fool of and don't want her to be either.

LuisSuarezTeeth Sat 23-Nov-13 00:46:08

Of course you can try, but she'll never believe you. Ever.

Whatnext074 Sat 23-Nov-13 00:56:50

Tempting as it is, I wouldn't. What would it achieve for you?

Maintain your dignity pooky and move on to a happier place,

Arcadian Sat 23-Nov-13 01:55:04

There's no point, it just makes you look bitter and still in love with him.

catloony Sat 23-Nov-13 04:24:53

You think you have her best interests - she will think you are trying to break them up because you want him back.

As said before maintain dignity and not get involved at all. The new woman will be seeing all the things you saw in him when you first met, he is now on best behaviour and has probably already said to her that you are trying to break them up to get him back.

It is hard because they may do all the same things to them as they did to you. But if you met somone new who seemed wonderful and perfect but they told you they had a crazy ex and then she came along saying things, there is always going to be doubt and lots of people stick by their new man as they have not seen that behaviour yet so you look like the crazy ex they have described.

joanofarchitrave Sat 23-Nov-13 04:33:10

No. Everyone deserves a fresh start. Everyone.

Optimist1 Sat 23-Nov-13 04:58:37

Sorry, I agree that you would appear to be the crazy ex. Think what your reaction would have been if your predecessor had given you the warning.

Hissy Sat 23-Nov-13 06:55:07

Not your business love. MOVE on with your life.

Longdistance Sat 23-Nov-13 06:59:10

Have a bit of dignity. Leave well alone.

ohtobecleo Sat 23-Nov-13 09:02:01

No. People behave and act differently in different situation and with different people. She deserves the opportunity to have a 'clean' start without a shadow of his past mistakes.

BitOutOfPractice Sat 23-Nov-13 09:03:43

It is SOOOOOOO tempting. And I have done it. I kidded myself it was to warn / protect her. But looking back now, it was to punish him. Not a nice motive. And I regret it now. Don't do it

educationforlife Sat 23-Nov-13 09:18:55

Well done for getting into just one post:
victim blaming ('different people' --will not get the same treatment--),
entitlement ('deserves' --for 'she', read, the cheater--)
denial ('mistakes' confused)
OP, telling the new partner is unhealthy in all the ways people say
you will be labelled a bitter nutter (see some posts above)
it will not help you move on
in situations like this, if we are honest, motives are never entirely if at all altruistic

redundantandbitter Sat 23-Nov-13 09:48:45

I have an email all prepped and ready to go to new girlfriend. I keep reading and thinking what would I feel
If it was me ? I haven't sent it, yet.

Oh and it's not bitchy - not listing behaviours etc, just a brief 'look after yourself and your kids ' type thing.

I'm still sitting on it.

gamerchick Sat 23-Nov-13 09:56:11

A little bit different but the lass who took on my ex I warned her about him (sociopath) but of course I was the utter cunt who kicked him out at the time and the unreasonable one for treating him so badly. I've tried again since but she's terrified of what he will do and she just can't get him out.. I've even told her how to get him out but she won't. She's a shell of herself on ADs now. He treats her worse than he treated me.

I could have done hand springs however when she took him on... just like she will when she sees the light.

Cheating and whatnot I wouldn't bother.. they'll never believe you or think it won't happen to them.

extracrunchy Sat 23-Nov-13 09:59:24

Not unless she's at risk in some way (he's either going to hurt her or has a serious STD). Otherwise no way!

joanofarchitrave Sat 23-Nov-13 10:25:58

Actually yes I hadn't thought of that, for an STD I might do, if the man had had unprotected sex with me without telling me.

But otherwise, leave them alone. For all you know, the new girlfriend is running several men in tandem herself. Delete that email and ring a friend to go and do something nice instead.

EasyToEatTiger Sat 23-Nov-13 10:47:03

That lovely song, sung by Eartha Kit, Apres Moi!/music/Eartha+Kitt/_/Apres+Moi

patienceisvirtuous Sat 23-Nov-13 10:47:26

My ex cheated on me for over two years. The OW had no idea she was the OW. Even when presented with clear facts and evidence she still chose to believe him, and that I was a liar smile

Don't bother I say!

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