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Afraid, unsure what to do.

(31 Posts)
lilybellamay Fri 22-Nov-13 23:54:00

Hello, am new and had a quick glance at the getting started section but I feel so lost at the moment I've just dived in with my request for advice.

I don't really know where to start but here goes... today my partner completely lost it and intimidated, threatened, and possibly damaged (by kicking) the car of a driver who pulled out in front of us. He was in a complete screaming and shouting rage. The other driver had indeed pulled out of a side road when she shouldn't have but it wasn't at great speed and I'm pretty certain we weren't close enough to have been in danger of driving into her. It was a woman and she had at least one young child in the back of the car. This is not completely untypical behaviour from my partner.

I'm afraid because I think I have to do something but I don't know what. I'm afraid because I am scared of him. I am ashamed to admit it as I've probably been in denial for so long (18+ years) but I guess he is emotionally/mentally abusive to me and, although I probably kid myself that I try to protect them, to our children.

I don't know what to do. There were a lot of witnesses to the incident and to be honest I've been expecting a call from the police all evening. Someone must have had enough wits to get the registration number. I still hope that they will come. He's been bound over in the past for a road rage incident and unfortunately I think that might have run out as it was more than three years ago.

In the short term I don't know if I should report it myself, even anonymously? Could I do that? What if the woman hasn't reported it? I can't believe she wouldn't have done because at the very least her car must have been damaged by the force of the kick, aside from the traumatic experience for her and her kid/s.

As for the bigger picture of our relationship I so desperately want to be out of it. He's on meds for depression and in therapy for his drinking. Every time I think there's light at the end of the tunnel and that its going to be better then something like this happens. I think that I shouldn't keep on fooling myself, there's already been too much damage done.

Sorry I realise this post is a bit all over the joint as there is so much back story but my main thoughts this evening are about what I should do about what happened today. A part of me, possibly the part that is under control, is saying I'm over-reacting, being a drama queen? But another part of me feels in shock and horrified by what happened. Horrified for the experience this woman had and horrified for the potential future I have with this person.

lilybellamay Sun 24-Nov-13 01:34:35

Hello again. Just wanted to say thank you for the posts of support that I have read tonight and also for the advice. Someone said about a pattern and a quiet few days of 'best' behaviour? Today has been like that and this is the sort of thing that always gave me hope in the past that it was going to be different this time. I have the WA helpline number posted above and I want to phone it but I haven't done so yet. Its actually quite hard to do, I hope you understand.

Whatnext074 Sun 24-Nov-13 01:39:25

Look after yourself lily and call them when you are ready, we can advise you on here but we don't live your life and it's up to you if/when you call WA. You will get good advice on here though.

Hope you have had a quiet day.

whitsernam Sun 24-Nov-13 01:44:15

It seems to me you'd be wise to get information from WA and CAB while things are quiet, so you can think at a time that is not some big emergency. Then make a plan and start taking steps to get away and stay safe. Definitely easier to say than to do, but lots of us have done it, and you will get lots of hand-holding and advice here, even thanks and cheers to help you through. Also, you do have to get through the tough parts (getting away to stay safe) to get the reward of the peace and positivity that come afterward. So do make the calls.... Soon.

Whatnext074 Sun 24-Nov-13 01:57:25

May have given the wrong message OP, I do think you should call but I understand you need to be ready to.

Hissy Sun 24-Nov-13 08:40:31

We know how hard it is to phone.

WA are used to 'us' phoning up and sobbing!

Please make this a real goal of yours, to call them to get support, to get help and advice and to get to safety.

Keep talking to us please, we'll be able to tell you if we see more warning signs, and help you spot them. Remember this is a pattern, and the 'nice' bit gets rarer and shorter the longer this goes on. Eventually you won't evem remember 'nice'. sad let's get you strong and safe and away before that happens eh?

You have a narrow window where things are calm, it would be best if you do use this time to your best advantage and make plans while you're not terrified and panicked.

This is a serious situation. He is dangerous and you and your family are at risk. You need to work to find the strength to take that first step to freedom.

Ok? (((hug))) you can do this.

Loggins Sun 24-Nov-13 10:39:55

It's just a chat Lily, you can tell them as much or as little as you want.
I hope you have a peaceful day.

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