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ex assaulted our DS :(

(35 Posts)
Annoyedparent Thu 21-Nov-13 21:58:27

Monday night he dragged him through lounge, hallway and into his bedroom roughly by his arm and smacked him and called him a prat sad ds is only six and autistic. He doesn't live with us but has a key which I've begged him to return but he won't. I rang womens aid tonight for advice as haven't been able to sleep. They said to call police .As it hadn't left marks I hadn't but did straight away. They were out within hour and said its been passed to child abuse team who will interview ds on video.

I'm such an idiot for allowing him back into our lives. I have no money to change locks but police said if I call council in morning they should change them if I give police ref no. I never thought hed hurt our son. I Dont care about what he has done to me over years but how could he hurt our baby. I suspect he is autistic too and he was abused as a child by his father .Scary thing is he has done nothing wrong.

I'm scared social services will remove ds as I allowed an abuser into our home. I have slept with that monster up until the weekend, I feel sick and angry .Ds is in my bed and has slept there every night since, I just want to protect himas I've let him down sad

CookieDoughKid Fri 22-Nov-13 21:06:33

Keep well OP. You need to take a long break from your ex and focus on yourselves for the time being. Park his apologies to one side until you are comfortable and able to put a perspective on this. Hard to do when you are in the thick of it.

tribpot Fri 22-Nov-13 21:51:59

Great that the locks have been changed. Ignore his calls/texts - block them if you can.

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:03:32

Er.... I don't get it. Is ex his dad? DS was naughty so made him go to his room and smacked him? I think that's pretty standard.

Smacking isn't illegal.

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 22-Nov-13 23:10:39

The OP hasn't said what her son did to warrant this treatment fifi669 so I don't think it right to suggest her child had been naughty and deserved it. Plus her child has autism. My child has autism I do not drag him through rooms, smack him and call him names when his behaviour is difficult. It's not pretty standard IMO (unless you have pretty shitty standards)

gingerchick Fri 22-Nov-13 23:12:32

Fuck off fifi669 and read the OP obviously a lot more going on than a smack!

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:21:33

Grabbed his arm, took him to his room and gave him a smack. That's what the OP said. No marks or bruises.

There's a vast spectrum of autism, you can't treat every kid the same.

I don't think SS will do anything for a smack.

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:23:11

Most people who smack do so because the child was naughty, therefore it was an assumption I made. I assume OP doesn't smack and that's why there's an issue.

Annoyedparent Fri 22-Nov-13 23:40:09

Fifi he dragged him roughly by his wrist with force ,through the lounge, hallway and bedroom calling him a Pratt, telling him he was a nobody and smacked him. He couldve dislocated his arm he was really angry. I don't use physical punishment on DS as a) he will copy ,b) its cruel and shows a lack of control c)there are more effective ways to deal with behaviour issues d) its degrading.

I myself give DS timeouts in his room but either walk him, carry him or lift him under his arm pits. Its disgusting for a grown man let alone a father to do this.He was ranting at DS to shut up and how lucky he was that he wasn't thrashing him like his father did him. I don't think any six year old deserves that. I rang Womens Aid for advice, he has treated me like shite in past and hads threatened to Kill me, had harrassment orders. He promised me he had turned his life around and this is what he did. He has put people in hospital before. I neve r thought hed turn on DS but he did sad

Whatnext074 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:45:57

Most people who smack do so because the child was naughty

Most adults who smack a child do it out of anger and frustration and a lack of their own control. Even if a child is 'being naughty', there are many other ways to teach them that their behaviour is wrong without resorting to violence. I know what I'm talking about in the job I do.

It's nasty and as OP says, degrading and is never warranted.

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:55:19

Well the law disagrees as it's not illegal. Smacking is a parental choice and is worlds apart from battering a child.

However, if he's generally an abusive man anyway than I can understand where you're coming from. If you think this is a symptom of his aggressive behaviour and especially if you think it's likely to escalate you're doing the right thing. Don't be down on yourself, you weren't to know how he'd behave.

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