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What would you do?

(115 Posts)
CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 09:43:58

I wasn't sure where to post this so I put it here, apologies if it's in the wrong place.

I have this male friend who I've known for years. He came round to mine a few weeks back for a catch up as I'd not spoken to him for a while. I've seen him around but haven't recently had time to stop and chat. Anyway, one thing led to another, he stayed the night and, well, you catch my drift...

4 weeks on and I discover I'm pregnant to him confused I already know how monumentally stupid I've been sad. I've decided not to keep the baby as I'm not in a relationship with this guy and I don't plan to be either. I also have 3 children of my own and I'm a single parent, plus a load of other stuff I have going on at the moment. I know this is the right decision for me and my children and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, my problem is, do I tell him I'm pregnant etc? He's a really good friend and I don't want to ruin our friendship. Plus, his son goes to the same school as my DCs so I see him pretty much on a daily basis. Part of me thinks it's be better to keep it to myself, but another part of me tells me I'm being cruel by not involving him confused what do I do?

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 23:22:50

It will get easier in time. It is going to be hard at the minute. It is to be expected. Dont feel bad about it though. If you want to remain friends, then keep doing the small talk and before you know it, all will be fine.

Pleased to hear that you are ok smile xxx

CoffeeQueen187 Thu 21-Nov-13 23:06:33

Yeh I'm ok thanks. I was at the hospital earlier for my initial appointment and scan. I go back next Thursday.

I've seen the guy I'm pregnant to a few times this week but just made small talk then made my excuses and left. I'm not going to tell him what's going on. I don't think I'll be able to keep the friendship as it was though sad I'll just try and keep my distance as much as possible

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 22:45:43

How are you holding up with all of this coffeequeen? Are you getting plenty of support?

kickassangel Thu 21-Nov-13 22:22:07

tbh, I would be extremely concerned about a 'man' who appears to be keen to have more kids, indulges in unprotected sex, then doesn't even bother to ring/check how you are.

So, no, don't tell him. He hardly sounds like the perfect co-parent.

EirikurNoromaour Thu 21-Nov-13 21:30:16

And what is the point of consulting a man over the choice to terminate a pregnancy if you are 100% sure you aren't continuing it? In a committed relationship I think it should certainly be discussed but that's not the same as consulting the man. And in this case - no point.

EirikurNoromaour Thu 21-Nov-13 21:28:45

It doesn't make a lot of sense tilpil to be honest hmm
You think she should offer him the option to raise the baby alone after she has acted as a human incubator for 9 months? Is that what you think women are worth?

CoffeeQueen187 Thu 21-Nov-13 21:07:12

Only problem with that tilpil is he wouldn't get full custody. By the time of gone through the full pregnancy, feeling the baby move, going for all the scans, mw appointments and given birth etc, there's no way I'd give it up.

Abbykins1 Thu 21-Nov-13 20:57:08


Tilpil Thu 21-Nov-13 20:51:06

To be fair I think he should know and be given the option of him having full custody and maybe visitation if u did end up keeping it. But make that clear say you can't cope and u hope he can understand your point of view I think u would find it too awkward to speak to him properly after this. And I know I wouldn't appreciate finding out after u had it done he would probably be appreciative of the fact u had at least told him what u were doing hope that makes sense I'm not trying to be nasty I've just seen it from the other side with male friends who were hurt that they hadn't even been told not that they had had an abortion but that they hadn't been consulted first if that makes sense

whoselifeisitanyway Thu 21-Nov-13 20:40:38

The only reason to tell him would be if you actually secretly wanted to be in a relationship with him. If you are sure you have no feelings for him and there is no chance of you becoming a couple in the future, then I see no reason to tell him.

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 17:47:19

Well said coffeequeen grin

CoffeeQueen187 Thu 21-Nov-13 17:31:08

I have no idea what slinglover has said as it's been deleted but honestly, I have no idea who you are! The only person in RL that I've spoken to about this is my sister, so, unless you are my sister, there is no possible way you know me. Now please kindly fuck off!

I feel so sorry for your 'friend' and I wish I knew who it was so I could tell her what you are doing. Two faced back stabbing twat!

That is all smile

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Nov-13 17:01:04

And I've reported your post. Just utterly beyond the pale (pail?) twattish behaviour!

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Nov-13 17:00:21

Slingover you are so bloody far out of line it's untrue.

This is clearly not anyone you know. Back the fuck off.

I am aghast at what you've done and I bet the people who's FB comments you have just C&Ped would be non too chuffed at what you've done angry

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 16:58:26

Slinglover - what exactly does this have to do with the OP??


Either way, be it that person on facebook, or the OP in this thread.
They are borh going through difficulties right now. So what is your point?
You have no point. So jog on

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Nov-13 16:57:09

Slingover you are so bloody far out of line it's untrue.

This is clearly not anyone you know. Back the fuck off.

I am aghast at what you've done and I bet the people who's PB comments you have just C&Ped would be non too chuffed at what you've done angry

Slinglover Thu 21-Nov-13 16:51:45

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

rainbowfeet Wed 20-Nov-13 13:21:42

Having been in a similar situation although I decided to keep the baby.. But had I been in a different position. & terminated the pregnancy no I wouldn't have told him.

Hope all goes well thanks

EllieInTheRoom Wed 20-Nov-13 13:21:38

I wouldn't tell him as PP say.

But is there any chance of him coming round again, having a couple of glasses of wine, and sex being back on the agenda and you start to feel guilty and confessional?

I think you need to be absolutely sure that wont happen

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 13:20:08

Me too

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 13:18:20

I've reported too

ExcuseTypos Wed 20-Nov-13 13:15:31


JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 13:09:33

Report and ignore guys.

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 13:08:54

What an insensitive piece of shit, slinglover. You have had your fun. Now please leave it

MatryoshkaDoll Wed 20-Nov-13 13:05:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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