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Would you throw away a 10+ year friendship if your friend called your child the R-word?

(282 Posts)
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin Sat 16-Nov-13 09:25:27

Might cause offence, sorry.

Last night, I uploaded a daft video of my 5yo singing the Fox Song. She absolutely loves the song, and i wanted to share it with my friends and family.

She has HFA and speech/language difficulties. So many of the words weren't clear, she was looking at the side instead of at me/the camera, sounded very monotone (except for the ringdingdingdingdingdering partgrin), was flapping her hands throughout etc.

Anyway, i'm under no false illusions that it was fantastic. It was just a 5yo girl having a sing song.

One of my friends was out at the pub at the time i posted it. She has no kids, nor do the others in my circle of friends, so i doubt this will 'out me'. She commented on it with this (i've fixed the spelling, because it was all text speak which would take me forever to type out):

"Fucking hell. What is this all about? She sounds even more retarded than usual lol (i hate that 'word' almost as much as the R one!). Get this taken down before Facebook remove it for child abuse reasons haha. Check her wee hands out. She's looks like she's going to fly back to Mars any second. Only kidding. But seriously has she been down the pub tonight? She sounds pished! haha!"

I didn't notice the comment for several hours. So it was up there most of the evening. I feel mortified. Lots of other people commented saying she had gone too far etc, but she never replied again. I removed it as soon as i saw it.

Anyway, she phoned me this morning to apologise. She said she was very drunk and it was supposed to be a joke. She said that i should know how much she loves my dd and that i'm seriously over reacting. And DD will be heartbroken if i stop them seeing each other etc.

Basically, i felt like the whole time she was apologising out of duty (not out of guilt) and was making out how much i was over reacting.

We've been good friends since school. We don't get to socialise much nowadays, however, due to me being the only one in the group with a child. But i text her every few days, and call 1-2 times a week for a chat.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I almost feel betrayed. I despise that word. And her whole comment was just vile.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? She's keeps texting me stupid things like 'Hellllooooo, are you receiving me?' She's fairly immature tbh most of the time, but i think she's still drunk as well.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin Sat 16-Nov-13 09:40:46

Yep, that's what i thought to about the 'than usual' part. She's still grieving about losing her mum to heart disease four years ago, and seems to think she can just treat people like crap and not get pulled up for it. And so far that has been the case. But insulting my dd really is the last straw.

She knows my feelings about that word. We have differing opinions on it. It seemed like she was picking my dd apart in front of my other friends and family. I'm glad my poor parents didn't see it. That would have made me feel even worse!

I think temporarily blocking her number is a good idea. I'll not be able to think properly with her pestering me for days on end.

PurpleRayne Sat 16-Nov-13 09:40:46

Get. Rid.

HootShoot Sat 16-Nov-13 09:40:48

I agree with Colin, 'the usual' bit is so cruel, as is 'fly back to Mars,' it sounds like she thinks your dd is alien/odd. I couldn't be friends with someone after this. She really doesn't appreciate how badly she has behaved, if she did she wouldn't be sending stupids texts now, she would be begging for your forgiveness.

lizzypuffs Sat 16-Nov-13 09:42:11

There are no excuses for this. How hurtful. I'd stop seeing her because she's not a true friend.

HotCrossPun Sat 16-Nov-13 09:43:24

I remember you other thread about your friendship circle. She's not worth your time and effort. There is no way I could be friends with somebody who had ridiculed my child.

StealthPolarBear Sat 16-Nov-13 09:43:57

Horrible woman. As others have said if she ever has children she will have an awakening and hot flushes of shame and self loathing. She has betrayed yiu.
Not sure what the fox song is but ot sounds fun grin

moldingsunbeams Sat 16-Nov-13 09:44:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear Sat 16-Nov-13 09:46:51

Block from fb and if you ever survive a zombie apocalypse with her chuck her to the walkers to save yourself and dd. Mn will be behind you

MurderOfGoths Sat 16-Nov-13 09:48:42

I'd tell her to fuck off. No way would she get forgiveness for that.

Mattissy Sat 16-Nov-13 09:49:12

I've done plenty of immature and drunk ramblings in my time, never once an attack on a child. It's no excuse for such vitriolic bile.

By texting you "helllooooooo" shows she's trying to be cute, that doesn't indicate genuine heartfelt apologies. Bitch!!

loveliesbleeding1 Sat 16-Nov-13 09:50:28

She sounds a very nasty piece of work, you must be furious with her, I am angry on your behalf.Not sure I could forgive in your shoes.I think blocking her number is a very sensible idea, it will give you a chance to sort out your feelings.

StillSeekingSpike Sat 16-Nov-13 09:50:50

Excuse me???!!! angry- what's with the 'When she has children she will suddenyl become all empathic and sensitive and realise a drunk tirade insulting someone with a disability is out of order'???

Surely ANYONE with children/without would realise that was an offensive vile way to talk about a child?

LoonvanBoon Sat 16-Nov-13 09:51:46

I couldn't be friends with someone like that, even if it hadn't been my child they'd been talking about. And it wouldn't matter how long the friendship had lasted - this is just vile, beyond the pale. Telling you that you are overreacting doesn't exactly indicate that she's genuinely sorry in any case.

PacificDogwood Sat 16-Nov-13 09:52:11

Yep, I agree, horrible - poor you thanks.
I think your DD sounds lovely.

Apart from that one post what would really piss me off even more is the fact that she seems to be mortified at having revealed herself, rather than at what she said, if that makes any sense at all?? A non-apology: "I am sorry I upset you" rather than "I am sorry I am an insensitive twat". A subtle, but important difference.

And yes, being drunk is no valid excuse. She simply showed her true colours sad.

JumpingJackSprat Sat 16-Nov-13 09:52:34

Totally totally unforgivable. Is Not just the word - she could be educated about that. It's the attack on your child. Nobody needs to see that about their child or any other. I would be dropping her and telling her exactly why. If anyone else asked why we had fallen out of be telling them what she said. Being drink is no excuse she actually thought those things in order to write them down. Please don't let it put you off sharing your lovely daughter with your family and real friends.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Sat 16-Nov-13 09:54:14

Hi Ewehave. You have to end this friendship How could you possibly stay friends with a women who has said such a horrible thing about your child. I know I couldn't. We all get drunk at times and it's allowed but that is still no excuse for her insensitivity.
Stealth. You haven't heard the fox song.

badgersoup Sat 16-Nov-13 09:54:19

You have to wonder, if she is saying that in public, what does she say about your DD in private? Not the sort of "friend" you need, get rid ASAP.

StealthPolarBear Sat 16-Nov-13 09:54:51

Youd think still, but apparently not! And if she doesnt get it now, when as you say the vast majoritg of the childless population would, then hopefully she will get it when she does have children

Figgygal Sat 16-Nov-13 09:55:39

She is a disgrace I would literally never speak to her again if she had done that to me do angry for you

flowery Sat 16-Nov-13 09:56:18

Being drunk removes inhibitions, it doesn't make you think things you don't already think. For example language and sentiments like that aren't in my vocabulary so wouldn't come out even if I was drunk.

For that reason I'd dump her.

lljkk Sat 16-Nov-13 09:56:31

The word retard in itself doesn't always bother me (different culture).
But using it like that is horrible; unforgivable.

hellokittymania Sat 16-Nov-13 09:56:53

I was called a retard by a "close" friend and was unbelievably upset. I have SN.

brew Tell her to get lost. How horrible!

Moxiegirl Sat 16-Nov-13 09:57:44

Are you the poster who posted about the meal venue change as your friend didn't want Italian 2 nights running?
Sorry if not!
Either way, this is unacceptable and I would never speak to her again. I have 2 teenagers with sn and would be livid.
Hope you're ok thanks

Back2Two Sat 16-Nov-13 09:58:40

And, she is not even mortified or truly sorry for it all.
She does sound really horrible.
I think your daughter deserves better.

carlywurly Sat 16-Nov-13 09:58:43

Yes. I would. That is just awful. I'm so sorry it happened to you. Ds has hfa and I cut out a "friend" for making digs about it. People like that are rotten and you don't need them in your life.

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