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(997 Posts)
kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 14:10:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minutewaltz Thu 14-Nov-13 17:35:15

I have been sober for a number of years now, a day at a time, thanks to AA.
I can identify with everything said on the very eloquent posts on this thread.
AA removed my desire to drink, thank goodness, as I would have lost everything, my husband, children, home and my life.
Occasionally the thought of drinking comes into my head - craving would be too strong a word - and I think of ice cold wine in a beautiful glass, which is odd as I didn't drink ice cold wine in a glass, more like I swigged at a bottle of warm gin, or vodka put in a lemonade bottle.
Anyway, I think through the consequences, the appalling embarrassing behaviour, the shame and the hangovers, and I also say to myself that now I have the choice if I pick up a drink or not.
You are all doing great. Life sober is a life of freedom.

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 17:35:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrickorCleat Thu 14-Nov-13 17:44:56

Hello everyone, how amazing, a brand new place with lovely people old and new!

This was true:
The other thing that feels very freeing (is that a word?) is having the decision taken away from me. Usually I have this internal dialogue on my way home from work every day

That suddenly empty space previously crammed with Booze Strategy can be a bit daunting as it frees us to look at our real lives/work/weight/marriages clearly and not through the bottom of a bottle.

It's interesting and scary what comes up.

I did therapy too and am blessed that I had the time and money to explore what made me drunk ( alky family, ramshackle drink-focused expat childhood, lots of entertaining, booze not feelings etc etc).

Grew up feeling like I didn't fit anywhere and the real (introverted depressed bookworm) was an unloveable twat and the public me (life and soul, socially accomplished cosmopolitan) far preferable.

The second one only came out to play if there was a glass (and canapés, and valet parking..!!).

Love the first one to bits now, scowling soberly into a book, and liking very few people sincerely is a total luxury.

So happy for all those who've started the sane journey. It will suck big time, but I guarantee it is worth every ounce of pain.

Here for you all, bonnet on and tisane and Improving Novel in hand (sort that icon, mildred, JA silhouette perfect).

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 18:24:45

OH has just got in from work with beers for him and some bottles of my favourite cider for me.
My eldest DS (on ASD spectrum) has been hyper, shrieking and running up and down the room.
I am painfully tempted.

Minutewaltz Thu 14-Nov-13 18:33:37

Humolive. Think it through. Will it be just one glass or very many glasses and feeling ghastly tomorrow.?
Just for today I won't have a drink.

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 18:50:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorcha1966 Thu 14-Nov-13 18:50:58

Olive that was a bit mean don't you think? bringing in your favourite cider ?? Id be FURIOUS if DH brought a bottle of drips white sav blanc 'for me'.


Please dont drink. Remember what you are trying to stop and why. Play it through Olive ... one is never enough and 'moderation' is not possible for us.

get him to put the F**king cider outside or in the car - away for you

shut the door on DS of 20 mins f you can and have a bath, or read or paint your fingers, or knit of whatever. But dont drink . In the end it wont help

sorcha xx

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 18:58:46

Yes Sorcha. I feel pissed off that he brought the drink home after I told him I was giving up drinking "for the foreseeable future".
He knows I'm a binge drinker. He knows that unlike him I won't want to have one or two and swap to a cup of tea.
He simply doesn't understand how much I struggle and how unhealthy my drinking is.
It's back in the car and he's sulking.
DS has run out of steam and is calmer.
Early night for one coming up. angry

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 19:01:45

Now it's in the locked car and out of opening reach I'm fine.
Just annoyed with OH.

He's previously said he doesn't mind if I stop drinking ( I have discussed this wish many times with him usually off the back if a hideous bingeing session) and he's been supportive.
Beginning to wonder now if in fact he's missing his drinking buddy.

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 19:03:11

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kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 19:04:24

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Sorcha1966 Thu 14-Nov-13 19:37:15

sorry if that was a bt harsh olive hope you are safe in bed already xx

I am anxious about tomorrow night. DH is going out and mu other is coming to supper. My mother is a most abstemious woman, she never drinks during the day and I have never seen her even slightly tight. She is also highly critical of me and particularly of my drinking. She is uncannily accurate in her opinion of my drinking but I have always defended myself robustly.

She will notice IMMEDIATELY that I do not have a glass of wine. I cnnot tell her (don't want to tell her) that I have stopped drinking, so I need a good excuse ... I may just say " Oh I don't feel like it tonight' but she will KNOW I am lying... I ALWAYS feel like a I need something else to say....

piebald Thu 14-Nov-13 19:52:49

Could you tell her you are on antibiotics Sorcha?

lonnika Thu 14-Nov-13 20:02:31

Don't tell her anything - get another drink or schloer put it in a wine glass and don't say anything - good luck x

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 20:09:58

Have eaten, safely PJ clad and happy to say the temptation has passed.
Am upstairs lying on the bed having left OH to his six pack.
He probably won't drink them all but sometimes he will drink a lot more but has no problems stopping, unlike me.

Excuses for not drinking? The antibiotics (Metronydazole or something like that is often given for dental infections and taken with even one drink will have you throwing up for hours. I speak from bitter experience) is a good one.
Recovering from a bad headache/migraine and feeling off colour?
Taken painkillers that don't mix with alcohol?
Need to be up early for something?
Easing off drinking for the run up to Christmas?

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 20:11:31

Goodness me, I am so sad for you humolive that's such an odd thing to do. I would be so so angry if my h did that. He's being really great this time and is even putting his own beer outside in the out house now so i don't even see it. Unless I say 'get me some cider/wine' he simply won't. I'm sorry.

Sorcha - I kind of get your problem too. My mother has spent my adult life tutting about my drinking and whenever I'm not drinking she launches into 'well, you have got a problem haven't you, I mean you've got a terrible problem, haven't you, your father had the problem too....<ad finitum>' until I WANT to drink grin I hope you can get through it ok!

Just had a bit of a tempting moment. Had a meeting at a school mummy's house to talk about the school disco that I have somehow volunteered myself into helping organise confused and I ran there <smug> when i got there, she said 'ooh there's wine in the fridge'. I don;t know her very well at all, so said 'oh I'm so sorry, i really mustn't tonight - not as i've run here'. It wasn't awkward exactly, but I was so tempted!! So I had coffee and everything was fine (and I ran back grin ) Feel proud and fit!!

I hope everyone has a good sober everning and a peacseful night x

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 20:12:04

Sorcha, you weren't being too harsh. OH has form for sabottaging my

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 20:13:16

my attempts at abstaining.
He doesn't understand how much of a big deal this has to be for me.

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 20:14:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 20:23:56

why does he want to sabotage it?

fiddlemethis Thu 14-Nov-13 20:52:23

Enidcoleslaw, I read the cupcake brown book, what an amazing story of strength and determination it was. Must try and dig it out for another read, I think I'd get a lot more out of it now.

fiddlemethis Thu 14-Nov-13 20:58:41

HumOlive, you have done an amazing thing and even if you feel a bit miffed now you are going to wake up in the morning clear headed and feeling very bloody proud of yourself and rightly so. Might it be an idea in the morning when the temptation is less to tip it down the sink?

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 21:02:06

^^yes, good idea. Chuck it away in front of your husband. I am really cross for you

BrokenEggshells Thu 14-Nov-13 21:07:31

Oooh shiny new thread and hello to old and new.

Kudos to you Olive. Bloody well done. Does he want to understand or is it a case of he's burying his head in the sand for whatever reasons?

myfriendbill Thu 14-Nov-13 21:30:21

Marking my spot. Loving the book recommendations.

For those feeling like bad mums just think 'No, I am a good mum' and I will be even be a better one.

It's all tough sometimes. I am coming up to 6 months, so still early days. My problem was although I was functioning I was going absolutely bonkers keeping up pretences, lying, feeling dreadful, scared of everything, terrible anxiety etc.

Truly horrible for everyone.


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