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Relationships

SOS my dh wants to abort our child I'm 25 weeks

152 replies

Onmyown3 · 13/11/2013 21:53

Please help me, I'm at the end of my tether. 
I have 2 children and I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I have been with my husband since I was 15 years old. We have a nice life, not wealthy but comfortable. I do everything in our relationship and everything for our children. I have recently become the breadwinner and hold a high position in a well known company im often all round the uk, yet I do all the school runs, meals, ironing, house work, homework, cleaning, shopping etc.

For The first time in 6 months I've asked my husband to collect our children from after school tomorrow as I am in a long meeting in London all day (I asked him 2 months ago to do this)

 He has come home tonight and said he has had to have a hectic day at work today because of having to do me the favour of picking the kids up tomoro (he doesn't have to pick then up until 6.30!)

 I asked him why he felt like that and that the children were both of our responsibilty so why should it always be up to me? He said he's had his position in his company longer than I have (this is incorrect he has a zero hour contract for a building firm that he's worked at for 6 months, although he trained to do his trade since he was 18 where as I've been with my company for 6 years but only in this new position 7months) 

He said that he's decided I will have to collect the children tomorrow - he isn't doing it, the children aren't his problem!!?!

I got really cross and said how dare he, he helped to create them, he wanted them, we are a family what is wrong with him?! I asked if he was saying that I'm basically alone then and we are havin another child?! Should i just be on my own? 

He said "you can get rid of it then, I don't care anymore" and stormed out. 

I would NOT ever abort my baby - but this is not the first issue like this we've had. I don't know how to make him realise - he seriously thinks a man works and a woman should work, look after the children and the house - normally I do mange to do this.

I honestly can't give anymore to my family than I do. I dont work from choice but to provide and my hubby loves reaping the rewards of my job - driving my flashy Company car, gifts, outings, the comfortable home etc. 

I don't ever even mention about my earnings but since I've got this position its changed his attitude. He doesn't want to work with me - it's like he resents me for it. Whys he like this? I've tried talking to him until I'm blue in the face, he says one thing and says he will change and that he will help but does another. 

I don't believe he really wants me to get rid our child, I think it's anger but how can he even think this. 

Should i just give up and be on my own? 

Every time I have an important meeting or it's a big occasion he seems to do something like this. Last year he didn't turn up to his own sons birthday party. 

Please help - the more this goes in the less I feel for him.  

Btw - I have no family to rely on, its just me :'( thats all my children have got. X x x x 

OP posts:
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MistAllChuckingFrighty · 13/11/2013 21:59

Should i just give up and be on my own?

Yes

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Jengnr · 13/11/2013 22:01

You might as well get rid of the husband. You're almost a single parent anyway.

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SigningGirl · 13/11/2013 22:01

Wow - don't know what to say, and someone wiser than me will be along shortly, but didn't want you to be on your own...

It sounds like your husband feels threatened about your job, and at the same time/because of that is trying to push you back into the 1950s housewife role.

Only you know him - we all say stupid things in the face of an argument - is this behaviour new? Out of character? Or is it behaviour that builds up over time and he is just generally being an arse?

That would influence my decision. However - if my husband felt like yours said he feels, I'd be gone with my kids as soon as I could... in the main because I couldn't love someone that felt like that.

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CailinDana · 13/11/2013 22:01

Your life would be so much easier if you told him to fuck off.

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ihatethecold · 13/11/2013 22:03

Jesus. That awful.
What a shitty situation your in.
What does this man bring to your life that's good?

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usualsuspect · 13/11/2013 22:03

Keep the baby,lose the dickhead.

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Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 13/11/2013 22:03

Quite apart from the awful relationship, which is a whole thread in its own right, aren't you too far gone for an abortion? The viability cut off is 24 weeks isn't it? Forgive me if I'm wrong about that but after 24 weeks in pretty sure a baby is classed as viable and therefore wouldn't be aborted? Is that right?

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CailinDana · 13/11/2013 22:04

Signing - the OP has been with this useless lump for years and he has never once contributed to the care of his family. The argument isn't relevant.

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SweetSkull · 13/11/2013 22:05

You would be better off alone.

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DuchessFanny · 13/11/2013 22:05

It's not much of a partnership is it ? What DO you get from it, because from your post I don't see a supportive loving husband and father ...

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Twinklestein · 13/11/2013 22:05

I don't know how to make him realise - he seriously thinks a man works and a woman should work, look after the children and the house - normally I do mange to do this.

Why? Why are you doing all this just because he thinks you should?

As you both work all the chores & childcare should be split 50:50.

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Twinklestein · 13/11/2013 22:05

Oh yes she's too far advanced for an abortion, I assume he knows that...

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EdithWeston · 13/11/2013 22:06

Does he have any redeeming features?

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Elsiequadrille · 13/11/2013 22:06

"Your life would be so much easier if you told him to fuck off."

Agree with this. It sounds like you're doing it all alone anyway.

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CremeEggThief · 13/11/2013 22:06

What a horrible thing to say to you. Could you really stay with him after this? Shock
Even if you wanted to terminate now, you couldn't, as 24 weeks is the cut-off date.

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Vatta · 13/11/2013 22:07

Assuming you're in the uk, abortion is only legal after 24 weeks in extremely rare situations (eg mothers life in danger).

Ditch the man, keep the baby.

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mouseymummy · 13/11/2013 22:07

I don't often post but I have to answer you.

You are practically a single parent. You said you do everything for the DC... Seriously, what does your h bring to the table? Does he do any housework or care for the DC ever? Maybe keep them occupied while you clean? Has he ever helped with night feeds or changing nappies??

My advice is look into your personal finances. Could you afford a nanny or au pair? Do you have the room fora live in nnanny/ au pair?

Please leave this waster. He does nothing for you and I get the impression he sees the DC as a hindrance not the joys they are :(

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17leftfeet · 13/11/2013 22:07

My ex used to do this, every time I had a promotion, an event I was excited about etc

Please note.......he's my ex!

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Twinklestein · 13/11/2013 22:07

To be fair he is a baby...

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youarewinning · 13/11/2013 22:08

usuals reply is spot on.

He's is treating you appallingly. The great thing I've gathered from your post I'd that he's not yet ground you down to feeling like it's your fault and you font do enough etc. You sound strong and capable and would be fine alone - your pretty much doing it alone.

My XP had pretty much the same attitude.

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CatAmongThePigeons · 13/11/2013 22:10

Stop giving him access to the perks from your job. Actually tell him to fuck off. You don't need a selfish entitled arse sponging off you.

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MistAllChuckingFrighty · 13/11/2013 22:10

What is this man for exactly ?

it seems he can impregnate you

and, erm, that's about it really

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Mellowandfruitful · 13/11/2013 22:12

Yes, you would be better off on your own. In fact you'd probably get more help that way as he would need to take on his share of time with the kids in his contact with them.

Someone who doesn't turn up to their own son's birthday party is not even making minimal effort. I assume he wants you to run after him and say 'Oh, all right then' and keep with the status quo and that's why he gets angry. Don't run after him. Tell him since he doesn't care anymore you are taking him seriously and there is no future for you.

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Crikeyblimey · 13/11/2013 22:14

I had a full day meeting today 150 miles away from home. At the weekend, dh and I discussed the logistics of today.

I normally do school run in the morning (dh starts work before me) and he does evening (he finishes before me).

Today he had to do both and attend the yr 6 assembly because I couldn't.

This was NO problem - the only thing needed was a bit of notice for him to go in late.

Your dh is not contributing to your family life. You sound extremely well organised and capable.

Yes, you would be better off without him.

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SigningGirl · 13/11/2013 22:14

cailin - yes, re reading the post it just sounds like he is a waste of space rather than someone having a bad time.

OP Marriage is a two way street. The vows are for better for worse but that is on the basis that there are some "better" bits (upsides). Can you actually see any?

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