I really need some advice please.
Two years ago a much older colleague of mine made a move at a work event. I was taken back and just warned him the matter could go to HR if he didn't stop.
Back in the office, things returned to normal. He's my senior and runs the team, so a lot of work I do is for him. We had always been good friends and he regularly asked for my opinion on work or client matters. We'd even lend book to one another and talk about politics whilst making tea - just friendly colleague talk.
One thing lead to another and somehow the conversation in the office spilled to texts after work. I asked him many times not to text me outside working hours. He continued to do so. We then met outside work to discuss things and I, again, warned him off.
He then went on a family holiday and would regularly text me about his feelings for me and how he didn't want to let this go.
On his return, I regularly reminded him that nothing had happened and nothing would. I didn't escalate the situation to anyone more senior because I figured that he was just going to a mid life crisis and it would pass.
One thing lead to another and we began to have regularly coffee meetings outside of work, which then lead to dinners. These weren't romantic dinners, usually I would listen to his problems at home and just be a listening ear.
Somehow, this spilled into something more and feelings began to develop. We began to become more and more intimate - but never slept together. It would regularly eat me up - almost monthly I would try to end up but he'd always come back asking if we could be "just friends".
I figured that I could no longer work for this man. He made me completely miserable. I didn't want an affair and I definitely didn't want to ruin his marriage.
I spent months avoiding him then found another job. I left all my friends in the office and moved jobs.
Before I left another senior person in the company found out. He wanted to take him to HR and take him through disciplinary - but I begged him not to. As much as this man made my working life a nightmare, I had feelings for him and didn't want to destroy his career.
I am not three months into my new job and I'm completely miserable. I miss my old workplace and more importantly, absence has just made the heart grow founder. I have seen him a handful of times since I left and he keeps telling me how much he loves me - and I feel the same now :(
I have asked him not to get in touch and just to leave me alone but he won't take the hint.
I want to put an end to the madness and just give us a chance to move on.
So, if he contacts me again, I am thinking about contacting his wife. It won't be a nasty "your husband won't leave me alone" message - but rather if I were marred, I would want to know.
Does anyone agree? Should I just ignore and hope somehow it'll just blow over?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm the "other woman"
Womaninthecity · 13/11/2013 20:51
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