Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To dressing gown or not AIBU

(152 Posts)
cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 17:15:58

Long time lurker, don't post often but I just wanted to canvass opinion.

I'm due to move in with my DP in the new year, I have a DD of 15 and a DS of 7 and he has 3 DS who live with him. I have always wandered round mine in my underwear whilst getting ready in a morning etc and see no problem with this. It's my house and I will dress how I please and I do have blinds as does he.

This has all of a sudden become a problem for him when I'm staying at his, don't get me wrong I wouldn't dream of wandering around his in my underwear when the kids are about but when they stay at their mums I can't see a problem in me nipping downstairs to grab something out the kitchen etc. DP uses the reason that he lives on a main road ( small rd outside the house, large grass verge then a main rd) and anyone could see me...I just wanted to ask if I'm being unreasonable or not really.

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 17:23:43

I know this is really trivial considering what others are going through.

FetchezLaVache Mon 11-Nov-13 17:27:23

I'm not sure it is entirely trivial, actually. What worries me about it is that he seems to be making decisions for you that you're entirely capable of making yourself... Is he at all controlling in other ways?

PinkPepper Mon 11-Nov-13 17:29:43

er my partner runs round yanking the curtains closed (more because he thinks I care) but he'd never tell me what to wear or do

AMumInScotland Mon 11-Nov-13 17:30:01

It's the 'trivial' things that tell you what a person is like, IMHO, when they avoid being 'difficult' over the biggies...

How many other ways will he expect you to do things 'his' way since you are moving into his house? Can you do this 'moving in' in a way which keeps your options open if you decide it isn't really working for you?

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 17:36:57

The move involves me giving up my house. We are due to get married next year. He is late forties and divorced and I'm mid thirties not that that bothers me but I've lost 6 stone in the last year and without coming across as inflating my own ego, I don't look too bad these days. I've also got a new job working in a busy public environment, which he struggles with occasionally. I don't really know what I'm asking hmm

MuffCakes Mon 11-Nov-13 17:38:31

I would take the piss and call him an old prude and carry on dressing or not dressing as I feel fit.

FetchezLaVache Mon 11-Nov-13 17:38:45

In what way does he struggle with your job?? Oh dear, lovely, I'm afraid the alarm bells are ringing.

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 11-Nov-13 17:42:14

Next time he pops out, greet his arrival back home to the sight of you mowing the lawn, naked except for wellies, gardening gloves and a cheery wave.

It'll put all the nipping downstairs in your pants into perspective.

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 17:48:49

He gets a bit jealous of the attention I get. I often have to deal with the same customers on a daily basis and you build up a bit of a rapport with them, so will mention them when telling him how my day has been etc, he often gets a bit shitty when a name is mentioned a few times (normally guys my own age). It's just the odd arsey/sarcastic comment but it is becoming more noticeable.

I will say that It was me who 'came on' to him after years of seeing him about and I fancy the arse of him and no one else. He says that he doesn't feel worthy to have me and it makes him a bit edgy at times...the ex wife had an affair as has the other significant partner he had. DP is still on very good terms with the ex wife and on paper is the perfect bloke

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 17:51:01

The other day he was dropping something in to mine (we live close by) and I was just about to get in shower so got undressed to knickers and bra and answered the door a crack like this after checking through spy hole it was him...he said I was bang out of order

kitsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 17:52:32

I don't think it's unreasonable of him to not want hs partner flashing to anyone who happens to be passing!

GiveItYourBestFucker Mon 11-Nov-13 18:37:20

OP, I think what you say about him being jealous of your job is a big red flag.

joblot Mon 11-Nov-13 18:44:15

Saying you're out of order in your own house? Nope that's not ok. Is he a prude or just a prat?

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 18:49:52

I don't really know, I suppose that's why I'm asking. It's not a big deal walking round my own home in the buff/underwear but then I've always done it whilst getting ready. Just struck a chord today when he was on about the dressing gown he bought me which I never wear and how I should start wearing it

ImperialBlether Mon 11-Nov-13 18:50:30

I don't like him at all and I REALLY don't like the idea of you giving up your home to live with him. That is a HUGE step and one I wouldn't recommend at all, based on what you've told us about him.

Olddear Mon 11-Nov-13 18:54:38

Sorry, but i see trouble ahead. Read your own posts and imagine your reply if you were reading this about someone else....

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 18:59:52

Thanks for all the replies..I think I already knew the response when I posted the question.

LividofLondon Mon 11-Nov-13 19:02:04

I agree with Imperial. There are a couple of red flags waving and I wouldn't advise getting rid of your house and moving in with him, and certainly not getting married. That is until he sorts out his issues so he isn't jealous of the men you work with.

NumptyNameChange Mon 11-Nov-13 19:06:06

it's the 'bang out of order' remark that really worries me. you were in your own home, doing as you see fit - who does he think he is to say that to you for walking around your own home as you feel comfortable?

if he's trying to be controlling and chastising about how you behave in your own home he's liking to increase that when you're in his home.

sorry. red flags here too.

ImTenAPenny Mon 11-Nov-13 19:08:50

I agree with everyone red flags all over him and that's even before you have moved in together..
I'd really re consider moving in or pushing it further back until you are able to put boundaries in place and he is able to curb his insecurities.
or consider ltb

mynewpassion Mon 11-Nov-13 19:11:22

I would not want my new partner walking around the house half naked when my children are not use to it. Walking that way in our bedroom, fine, but not the rest of the house.


cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 19:12:24

I did say to him that he had better get used to it as I wasn't about to change my habits just invadlsomeone happened to be looking in...

cantpolishaturd Mon 11-Nov-13 19:14:19

Sorry stupid phone, that just meant to say just incase

I don't walk around in my underwear when his kids are in the house. I'm always dressed when they are home, rightly so

EirikurNoromaour Mon 11-Nov-13 19:19:01

Bang out of order is a horrible expression and it has a horrible sentiment behind it. It means he thinks you've done something to him by potentially exposing yourself to others- meaning he sees your body as something he has ownership over. Ick.
Jealousy of your work clients is also outrageous. He's basically saying you are such an out of control sexed up bitch that you can't be trusted to be professional at work.
Please reconsider.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now