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*do age gaps matter*

(35 Posts)
ilovesprouts Tue 05-Nov-13 14:23:26

going on a date on sat hes 37 im 45 do age gaps really matter !!

x5739 Fri 15-Nov-13 21:22:22

i think the age gap in some relationships various depend on the type of realationship that two people are involved in. eg with the rise of the cougar woman and the toyboy some times it can be 20+ years gap. one tv show was i think called extreme cougar wives and had woman as the older person with gaps as big as 30-40 years.

ilovesprouts Tue 12-Nov-13 08:19:35

date went fab he wants to meet again grin

Timetoask Fri 08-Nov-13 15:27:37

I don' think it matters while you are both relatively young. Once the pains and aches start appearing and the younger person wants to get on with their life..... things change.

broodysnoopstie Fri 08-Nov-13 15:21:37

my Dp is 18 years older than me im 27 he's 45. we have been together 4 years. I've always been older than my years and he is younger! He has never been married or had kids as tbh I think he wasn't mature enough! we are ttc #1 now. I love him he loves me.

TawdryTatou Thu 07-Nov-13 20:47:08

DP is 15 years older.

God, I love the bones of him. We don't even think about the age gap. He's the youngest-at-heart person I know, and he brightens my life every day.

If he needs my help when he's older, I'll gladly give up everything to give him everything he needs. Just like he would for me if I needed his help.

Not only older people get ill. My grandparents had nine days between them, and my granddad had to nurse my grandma through a heart condition throughout her twenties and thirties. He lost her at 36.

There are no guarantees.

Twinklestein Thu 07-Nov-13 20:34:02

Bollocks women don't age as well. All my female early 40s friends look amazing. Their partners are generally balding & pot bellied (apart from mine thank the lord).

OP: that's not really an age gap. My h is 5 years older & it's nothing.

bubalou Thu 07-Nov-13 20:31:00

They matter as much as you want them to.

I'm 27, DH is 37. Been married 6 years, ds aged 5. Very happy and to be honest I don't think id want to be married to the 27year old dh.

It all feels very even and I think it just depends on the couple how well it works. I do have a friend that is 38 and her fiancé is 25. This is fine of course, but because of their personalities she is more like his mum which can be weird to be around! confused

LessMissAbs Thu 07-Nov-13 20:13:23

elskovs If the man was older it would be better though. Women don't age as well

Christ! Are you in Britain?

My DH, 2 years younger than me, is often mistaken for being my father.

Thought that was bad until male friend 12 years younger...I'm not going to stealth boast.

Go for it OP.

sparklysilversequins Thu 07-Nov-13 19:51:02

What a load of crap elscov.

Brittapie Thu 07-Nov-13 18:56:09

TBH I wouldn't even think of that as an age gap. It depends on attitudes as well though.

I started seeing XH when I was 21 and he was 31. I was a quite young acting 21 (although by that point I had been paying bills, working full time or more and running a house since I was 18) but he was a REALLY young acting 31 (who had never yet paid a bill in his life - went from parents to uni to wife and everyone looked after him) We both liked going to parties and gigs and it was all great fun.

I did find that he used it a bit to control me, but tbh I'm sure he would have used something else had we been the same age. The main issue came when we both had to grow up when the DDs were born - he chose to grow up by not ging to gigs/parties/performances any more, but sitting in the pub talking about football and leaving me to look after the kids alone every night. I eventually chose to grow up by leaving him grin

Although I've recently started seeing a man even older, so I obviously don't learn...

elskovs Tue 05-Nov-13 16:24:55

I don't think its too bad if you look young for your age.

If the man was older it would be better though. Women don't age as well.

Id definitely meet him though.

maypoledancer Tue 05-Nov-13 16:23:29

Oops misread your OP and I've just realised he's younger. Even better for you; same advice though.

maypoledancer Tue 05-Nov-13 16:21:54

It's not a big gap, depends on attitudes and how 'old' someone is in their approach to life as well. And lifestage. By the time you are 37 you probably won't change all that much compared with when you were a decade younger.

I had an older partner and we got together when I was still young and had a lot of changing to do. He didn't change so much and we grew apart. I was more adaptable and found it easier to mix with his older friends than he did with my younger ones (and I was first in my friendship group to have children as well). Age and what it meant became a big issue.

You can't generalise, it depends on the individuals. If you find he seems a lot older than 8 years older, or you find his friends dull and boring and unlike you, it may be less likely to work.

SkullyAndBones Tue 05-Nov-13 16:17:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Preciousbane Tue 05-Nov-13 16:16:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andy1964 Tue 05-Nov-13 16:13:22

Nope, no matter

I'm 49 DW is 39. married 15yrs

stickysausages Tue 05-Nov-13 15:54:27

I prefer older men tbh, they know what they want & there was no messing about, unlike the boys I'd dated previously!

stickysausages Tue 05-Nov-13 15:53:07

14 years between us, not an issue. Together 10 years, married for 7.

ComtesseDeSpair Tue 05-Nov-13 15:02:48

DP and I have 19 years between us. It's never been an issue because we're on the same page in terms of life goals, finances and career etc: I think that's by far more important than a smaller age gap. I do worry about some things: that we may not grow truly old together; that I may find myself caring for an elderly, frail and possibly demented DP whilst I'm still young;. But ultimately, I've just figured that illness and death could happen anyway even if we were more similar in age.

But 8 years for two people over 30 isn't really an age gap. You're both adults with life experience. I can't see much that an 8-year age gap is going to cause problems with.

KissesBreakingWave Tue 05-Nov-13 14:51:49

The old rule was half your age plus 7 is the minimum age you should go to when considering an age gap.

PaperPomPom Tue 05-Nov-13 14:50:34

Not for 37/45. DH and I have 12 years between us, you wouldn't know it though.

Dahlen Tue 05-Nov-13 14:50:11

That's not really an age gap. I wouldn't consider anything of 8 years difference or less to be even noteworthy unless one of the couple is under 21.

IMO two people of differing ages with similar goals, values and attitudes in life will always get along better than two people the same age who are vastly different in terms of goals, values and attitudes.

However, the thing about age gaps is that it is largely down to perceptions. If you feel it is too big you will start looking for evidence that it is. It becomes self defining. And if you are the sort of person who cares what others think, an age gap can become blown out of all proportion in your head and ruin the relationship anyway. Large age-gaps require something of a thick skin, no matter how wonderful the relationship between the two people concerned.

Practically speaking, there are considerations that apply if one partner is very young or very old. As a gross generalisation, it is rare for someone under 21 to have a successful relationship with a 40-year-old that lasts (particularly if the younger of the two is male), which is presumably due to the lack of life experience in common. But there are enough exceptions to that for it to be obvious that this is a generalisation, not a truism.

At the other end of the scale, a young, active 50-year-old married to a 70-year-old may find themselves faced with a situation that feels like looking after an elderly parent. However, if the relationship is otherwise healthy and the couple love each other, they will weather that, just as two people the same age will weather a chronic illness or redundancy, etc.

It can also cause problems associated with fertility, but again a healthy relationship will deal (or not) with that in the same way as a same-age couple with fertility problems.

But at 37 and 45 I'd say just go for it.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 05-Nov-13 14:48:55

That age gap is fine and dandy.
Hopefully he can keep up with you! wink

CuChullain Tue 05-Nov-13 14:47:40

That is not a huge age gap to be honest.

It is the 15-20 year plus age gaps that can cause issues later down line.

ilovesprouts Tue 05-Nov-13 14:46:01

he has a dd but had the snip ,I have 3 but only one at home deffo no more for me. smile

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