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*do age gaps matter*

(35 Posts)
ilovesprouts Tue 05-Nov-13 14:23:26

going on a date on sat hes 37 im 45 do age gaps really matter !!

cosydressinggown Tue 05-Nov-13 14:23:53


CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 05-Nov-13 14:24:18

That's not an age-gap. You're just two middle-aged people.... smile

Thants Tue 05-Nov-13 14:25:40

That's not that much of a gap.
It entirely depends on the partners. I've seen age gaps where it has caused issues and other relationships it has been fine.

hpsaucy Tue 05-Nov-13 14:25:47

No. I'm 37 my DH is 59!! been together 14 years never happier

RevelsRoulette Tue 05-Nov-13 14:27:40

Depends on the age gap.

37 and 45 no problem at all.

14 and 22 - yuk.

20 and 40 - can work but often doesn't in the long term.

25 and 85 - only in That's Life


JoinYourPlayfellows Tue 05-Nov-13 14:30:01

I think it depends on stages of life.

If he has no children and wants them, then it's a problem.

If not, it barely registers as an age gap.

Granville72 Tue 05-Nov-13 14:32:08

No it doesn't matter, and that isn't much of an age gap.

There is 11 years between me and my OH, he's the younger one. Both been married / divorced. Been together 4.5 years and have a fantastic little baby (well toddler I guess now).

Daisy75 Tue 05-Nov-13 14:33:45

My DM has a partner 20 years younger. She is 60, he 40. I struggle hugely with it, something which she has never understood.
He is younger than my own husband (father of her grandchildren). I once found out that she referred to him as Granddad when talking about him to a friend of mine. Words failed me. But then they often do on this subject.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Tue 05-Nov-13 14:42:29

Varies hugely on the individuals. My last relationship my partner was 11 years older. Didn't matter at all to begin with but it became an issue after about 6 years. Stuck it out another 3 (which was a mistake). Nothing to do with kids, just they developed a "been there and done that" attitude when they hit mid-40s. I, mid-30s, still wanted to be out doing things - with them, obviously.

ilovesprouts Tue 05-Nov-13 14:46:01

he has a dd but had the snip ,I have 3 but only one at home deffo no more for me. smile

CuChullain Tue 05-Nov-13 14:47:40

That is not a huge age gap to be honest.

It is the 15-20 year plus age gaps that can cause issues later down line.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 05-Nov-13 14:48:55

That age gap is fine and dandy.
Hopefully he can keep up with you! wink

Dahlen Tue 05-Nov-13 14:50:11

That's not really an age gap. I wouldn't consider anything of 8 years difference or less to be even noteworthy unless one of the couple is under 21.

IMO two people of differing ages with similar goals, values and attitudes in life will always get along better than two people the same age who are vastly different in terms of goals, values and attitudes.

However, the thing about age gaps is that it is largely down to perceptions. If you feel it is too big you will start looking for evidence that it is. It becomes self defining. And if you are the sort of person who cares what others think, an age gap can become blown out of all proportion in your head and ruin the relationship anyway. Large age-gaps require something of a thick skin, no matter how wonderful the relationship between the two people concerned.

Practically speaking, there are considerations that apply if one partner is very young or very old. As a gross generalisation, it is rare for someone under 21 to have a successful relationship with a 40-year-old that lasts (particularly if the younger of the two is male), which is presumably due to the lack of life experience in common. But there are enough exceptions to that for it to be obvious that this is a generalisation, not a truism.

At the other end of the scale, a young, active 50-year-old married to a 70-year-old may find themselves faced with a situation that feels like looking after an elderly parent. However, if the relationship is otherwise healthy and the couple love each other, they will weather that, just as two people the same age will weather a chronic illness or redundancy, etc.

It can also cause problems associated with fertility, but again a healthy relationship will deal (or not) with that in the same way as a same-age couple with fertility problems.

But at 37 and 45 I'd say just go for it.

PaperPomPom Tue 05-Nov-13 14:50:34

Not for 37/45. DH and I have 12 years between us, you wouldn't know it though.

KissesBreakingWave Tue 05-Nov-13 14:51:49

The old rule was half your age plus 7 is the minimum age you should go to when considering an age gap.

ComtesseDeSpair Tue 05-Nov-13 15:02:48

DP and I have 19 years between us. It's never been an issue because we're on the same page in terms of life goals, finances and career etc: I think that's by far more important than a smaller age gap. I do worry about some things: that we may not grow truly old together; that I may find myself caring for an elderly, frail and possibly demented DP whilst I'm still young;. But ultimately, I've just figured that illness and death could happen anyway even if we were more similar in age.

But 8 years for two people over 30 isn't really an age gap. You're both adults with life experience. I can't see much that an 8-year age gap is going to cause problems with.

stickysausages Tue 05-Nov-13 15:53:07

14 years between us, not an issue. Together 10 years, married for 7.

stickysausages Tue 05-Nov-13 15:54:27

I prefer older men tbh, they know what they want & there was no messing about, unlike the boys I'd dated previously!

Andy1964 Tue 05-Nov-13 16:13:22

Nope, no matter

I'm 49 DW is 39. married 15yrs

Preciousbane Tue 05-Nov-13 16:16:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SkullyAndBones Tue 05-Nov-13 16:17:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maypoledancer Tue 05-Nov-13 16:21:54

It's not a big gap, depends on attitudes and how 'old' someone is in their approach to life as well. And lifestage. By the time you are 37 you probably won't change all that much compared with when you were a decade younger.

I had an older partner and we got together when I was still young and had a lot of changing to do. He didn't change so much and we grew apart. I was more adaptable and found it easier to mix with his older friends than he did with my younger ones (and I was first in my friendship group to have children as well). Age and what it meant became a big issue.

You can't generalise, it depends on the individuals. If you find he seems a lot older than 8 years older, or you find his friends dull and boring and unlike you, it may be less likely to work.

maypoledancer Tue 05-Nov-13 16:23:29

Oops misread your OP and I've just realised he's younger. Even better for you; same advice though.

elskovs Tue 05-Nov-13 16:24:55

I don't think its too bad if you look young for your age.

If the man was older it would be better though. Women don't age as well.

Id definitely meet him though.

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