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I don't know what to do.

(29 Posts)
PregnantAndStupid Mon 04-Nov-13 21:13:01

I've name changed for this as I have told my best friend and she'll know it's me.

Married 5 years, 2DC and 1 on the way. 16 weeks pregnant.

DH away with work in the US. He has an ex I have never liked him having contact with, gut feeling. They went out, she dumped him and kept him dangling for a good few of years. He met me, and that was that. Whilst he was dangling she got married and had a child with someone else, got back briefly with DH but they had a platonic friendship for about 2 years before we met.

Never lived together, or got engaged, but I thought she treated him badly and told him I didn't understand why he wanted to be friends. However, left him to it.

Anyway, I came across his old phone. Thought I would see if he had had any contact with her, had seen texts off her before wising him merry xmas, happy birthday, always with lots of kisses and it pissed me off. DH has never hid his phone, I know all his passwords, he knows mine etc.

Anyone there were sporadic texts from the last 18 months or so, fairly inoffensive.

But there were a couple from when he went out and got hammered last year, just under 12 months ago. He sent the following

"Lol miss you so so much xx"

she replied saying how hard a time she's having and how difficult life is.

He replied

"you also happen to be friggin wonderful and my god do I miss you xxx night night gorgeous"


He then sent a text the next morning after she asked him how his head was saying he meant every word from last night.


After this she sent him an "I love you loads" message which he ignored.

Next text was xmas and her saying merry xmas and him sending back a non reply of you too, same happened at new year. Nothing since.

I know I should have waited until he got back from US but I called him up and went ape shit, telling him if he missed he could have her, how inappropriate it was, how does he think its okay to send bollocks like that when he's married. I have since refused to speak to him.

He's texting saying he wants to come home, he's an idiot, he only loves me etc etc. And I don't know what to do.

I suffer with anxiety and depression anyway, I have a complicated job and I have 2 babies and another one on the way. The oldest is only just 4. What do I do?

I can't believe he's done it. He is/was wonderful. His only saving grace is that I know that nothing has happened since. I can tell from the texts and also checked all other contacts and facebook etc and there is nothing.

I don't know what I'm posting this for to be honest, I know it's nothing compared to some of the problems on here. I just want someone to help.

PregnantAndStupid Tue 05-Nov-13 18:35:20

"Based on your most recent message it seems like all he's really guilty of is getting a kick out of being the knight in shining armour to an ex who plays to up that with frequent crises." Yes you are completely right with this Join, completely. He is very much a people pleaser, he recognises this, and often stresses himself out trying to be all things to all people. He's not a let down though - he does do what he has said he will however many hours it takes. He has started saying no thankfully.

"I think with that propensity unchecked, he might have been an affair risk (not with her, he doesn't seem interested enough) in the future. Hopefully now he will be able to see that kind of self-indulgent romantic hero for the tawdry crap that it is."

That last sentence made me grin. Tawdry crap absolutely. Thank you for taking the time to reply, it's been really helpful thanks

queenbitchapparently Wed 06-Nov-13 09:39:41

god yes pregnant and join my DP has the knight in shining armour complex.
I have had to remind him on several occasions to remember wgat something tgat he thinks are nice platitudes might sound to someone in a bad place.
the same thing happened to me with I guy. who was down and I told him he was lovely and kind etc etc.
it ended up in an awkward situation with us in a pub with him telling me he loved me.
your DP is fir me guilty of nothing but being an unthinking dick.
we are all guilty if that, that should not diminish your hurt however.
he needs to be 100% in the ball from now on.

queenbitchapparently Wed 06-Nov-13 09:40:10

what and that obviously grrr

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 06-Nov-13 12:47:25

Glad to be helpful smile

Hope you are feeling a bit better and will kick his arse a suitable amount when he comes home. And then go back to enjoying your pregnancy.

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