Help please - what's that website that allows you to search for a person's profile/log ins on the internet using their name?

[gruffalobore]

Just that please. Asking for a friend that has some suspicions.

[gruffalobore]

Not to worry, I have found it.
Feeling a bit upset for her, she has discovered that her dp has been watching and paying for gay porn. Don't know what to do. She is going to talk to him, but I'm scared for her that it might turn her world upside down.

[Bogeyface]

Gruff

Sorry for your friend :( it is horrible when these things come to light.

What is the website address?

[ErmagherdPerngwens]

Really? If a website like that existed it would utterly destroy anonymous forums like mumsnet!

[BuzzardBirdBloodBath]

So...if it exists, what is it called?

[forumdonkey]

Can you post what it is OP?

[blurredlines]

Come on ! Don't leave it like that ! What is it called op?

[gruffalobore]

Sorry I didn't mean to mislead you it's not the website that lead us to the information in the end. There was nothing on that.
But the website I was talking about is called ppl or something.
I'm on my phone so I'll get back to you.

[sicutlilium]

Do you mean this? Not quite that level of information though. pipl.com/

[gruffalobore]

It's pipl.com someone linked to it on another thread a while ago. showed some dating website profiles or something.

[Blondeorbrunette]

I just tried my name and found myself!

[gruffalobore]

Yes that's the one. I'm not convinced it's any good. It's not just my friend, it's my sister. I don't know why I put friend for anonymity I suppose. But I'm so so upset for her. We're so close and her pain is my pain. I don't know what to say to make it better.

[ErmagherdPerngwens]

Just looked myself up and didn't even get my facebook profile!

Sorry, was totally sidetracked by the website thing though, your poor sister. That sounds like an utterly grim thing to find.

[gruffalobore]

Is there any chance that this could just be a fantasy and he is in actual fact not gay?
I am hoping for that to be the case but I'm dubious.
She has two dc - 2 and 13 weeks. He is a family man, and she has always been happy in the relationship. They have a good healthy sex life. In the past she has found female porn, he read nuts magazine, comments on boobs/women etc (in a jokey way, not derogatory but in an obviously heterosexual way). He is a blokey bloke - football etc.
Could it be just the taboo of anal sex, the unknown that is his fantasy?

[gruffalobore]

Anybody? Perhaps I need to start a thread with a more specific title?
I'm really fighting the urge to talk to my dh or mum about it to get some sort of reassurance, but I have made a promise to not tell anyone.

[ErmagherdPerngwens]

If he's been watching and paying for it regularly it's not a good sign, once could be accident or experiment, but I find it unlikely that someone would look at it just because it's taboo, not because they were actually turned on by it.

[mammadiggingdeep]

When it comes to sexuality all things are possible. He could be a heterosexual male but like watching it but wouldn't necessarily join in iykwim. Perhaps he's bisexual?

Sorry your sis is going through this. Will she confront?

[gruffalobore]

Thank you for replying. I have been googling about straight men watching gay porn to see if I can find some answers - but I need to step away from google because it hasn't made me understand any better!

She has confronted him tonight after she left mine. She has only texted me as she doesn't want him to know I know and basically he says it's a fantasy and he would never act on it. Just a turn on I guess. But that he's straight and loves her. I want to talk to her to make sure she is being strong and demanding complete honesty. She can be quite soft and not particularly assertive in her relationship.

If it was me I'd want to see some changes eg. no porn at all as it's something I don't agree with anyway.

[gruffalobore]

She's so vulnerable at the moment, her new baby is not sleeping so well and her toddler has never slept well. She's very sensitive and an obsessive worrier about everything and everybody. She has had some trauma in past relationships and I just wanted this to be her happy ever after.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Such a rubbish thing to deal with when you've got two tiny dc. My 2 are 2 years apart and both bad sleepers...I could just about get through a day as it was without something like this....

Yes, something needs to change really. How can they resume a normal sexual relationship if she's wondering about his sexuality. It's hard enough to feel sexy when you've got your hands full with 2 babies but knowing this will be hard for her. She's lucky she has you to talk to.

Do you think he'd stop using porn if she asked?

[gruffalobore]

I think he is generally a decent person so I would hope that this is the shock he needs to stop but there's always the chance that it will just drive it deeper underground. The trust that was there will be gone so that will be hard to get back. I'm trying to think how I would feel but I just can't imagine it really.

[mammadiggingdeep]

No...I think maybe I'd feel I didn't know him as well as I thought I did...I'd wonder when he first started looking etc.

I think your sis just needs to focus on her baby and toddler at the moment. Perhaps you should advise her to ask him to stop looking at all porn as its becoming an issue? I don't know- really tricky

[gruffalobore]

I actually think if it was me, I'd want him to leave for a while so that we could both process our thoughts and reevaluate things. He needs to know what he stands to lose/work out what he wants. I appreciate you talking to me mama. I'm going to speak to her tomorrow. Just want to make things better for her!

[mammadiggingdeep]

She's lucky to have you- you sound like a good sis.

Hope it works out ok and she stays strong

X

[MostWicked]

I watch lesbian porn, but I'm completely straight.
Lots of things can be a turn on to watch, but there is no desire to try.

[gruffalobore]

I am hoping that is it Most. I really am.