Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Edit: It actually does hurt slightly less

(538 Posts)
Alchemist Sat 02-Nov-13 17:50:28

DH left on Thursday. We have not been good for a while and he has decided that after nearly 20 years he wants out. He told me he hates me.

Our DCs 9 and 7 are reacting in different ways. The eldest has withdrawn to his room. The youngest has basically raged, wept and begged for me to let him come back and won't accept it wasn't me making him go.

I saw my GP yesterday and have some diazepam which is helping to take the edge of but I am in agony. I don't know what I am going to do. While this is vile I know the OW will soon be popping up and I don't know how I am going to manage as I am just putting one foot infont of the other now. He is denying it, of course, but I do know.

How can I keep helping the DCs if I can't sort myself.

ohldoneedtogetagrip Sun 11-May-14 22:26:39

The Hound will give you unconditional love--l know mine does x

Minime85 Sun 11-May-14 23:33:41

I'm glad u have the hound. hope your head isn't too sore in the morning

captainmummy Mon 12-May-14 08:21:18

How you feeling Al? I think a good ole piss-up is quite therapeutic once in a while! I know I've done it more than once.

What sort of hound is Al-dog? I love dogs.

Alchemist Tue 13-May-14 06:52:22

Sorry I didn't reply but I was a little unwell yesterday blush. I think I did have a wee meltdown and lots of teqars etc but I think I needed it. While I was delicate on Monday I also felt so much lighter. However, not a drop will pass my lips until the weekend.

The Hound is a collie/spaniel cross and she is the most lovely ever smile.


Alchemist Tue 13-May-14 06:58:18

Have just turned the tv on and it is some American sitcom. First words I heard were "you can't get over heart-break without some liver damage"

Made me laugh grin

WellWhoKnew Tue 13-May-14 12:02:52

Yes, liver very much damaged here today - like you needed a bit of a meltdown. I have finally told people in real life that DH left me coincidentally on a Thursday, a few weeks ago.

I want a dog!

Keep going love, I've followed your thread since the beginning and am quietly cheering you on.

Alchemist Tue 13-May-14 18:42:25

Well oh dear me. I'm sorry to read this, do you have a thread? Not to rubberneck but to offer a hand to hold. Thank you for your cheers thanks

I actually typed "your tears". Happily saw it as I think we have had quite enough of them, thank you.

captainmummy Wed 14-May-14 08:30:10

al - your post said 'lots of teqars' and I wondered for a sec whether that was a cross between tears and tequilas... grin
wellwhoknew - you could do worse than start your own thread, even just to get your thoughts down. lots of advice and support here.

Alchemist Tue 10-Jun-14 14:43:09


I just wanted to come back and thank you all again for your kindness, support and help.

H and I on reasonableish terms although I couldn't help but take the micky of his outfit - midlife crisis covers it. The DC are just normal really, like staying with their father and then coming home. It's all become normal.

Gentleman Caller showed a different side so was shown the door.

What has changed is I have met someone and am a bit giddy grin.

He's a gardener who came to trim my bush(!) and we clicked. Early days but exceptionally lovely.

So, life is grand (apart from a DV issue with a friend). It seems unbelievable I am the person who wrote the OP but I am, just much happier. Take heart anyone going through this hell, you will get there.


elQuintoConyo Tue 10-Jun-14 23:06:15


I have just read the entire thread - boy oh boy, what a journey.

I wish you all the best thanks <-- can never have too many flowers!

Minime85 Tue 10-Jun-14 23:15:31

So happy to read your positive update alchemist x

FabULouse Tue 10-Jun-14 23:21:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alchemist Wed 11-Jun-14 03:44:32


TalkingintheDark Thu 12-Jun-14 10:11:57

Oh how lovely! smile and of course thanks fabulous news!

Alchemist Fri 11-Jul-14 18:20:57

Just a quick one to say Hello and grin.

Life going very well for us atm and hope it is for you too thanks

Alchemist Sat 01-Nov-14 07:13:02


What a year! So, was the anniversary of H and I splitting last n ight. I have been having a bit of a wobble as lots of anniversaries happened in October: his birthday, wedding anniversary and, of course, the split.

Had a party last night and an excellent time. My gorgeous niece sent be a beautiful bouquet of autumny colours with the message "Don't look back, only forward".

I did not believe life could go on this time last year. All the support and kindness I received here was amazing. And life does go on... DC, Dog, me, new DP and a new life.

Thank you. thanks

Minime85 Sat 01-Nov-14 07:27:35


MushroomSoup Sat 01-Nov-14 10:35:42

Lovely update!

Greta28 Sat 01-Nov-14 15:58:54

Alchemist, I have just read the whole thread.
You have been fantastic and really inspirational, the way you handled situation and improved things VERY quickly - is just amazing.
If this ever happens to me (I'm a newlywedwink), I will always remember your great attitude, bravery and graciousness.
I hope you are truly happy now and your kids are recovered. Also, I now really want to get a dog..sad
Well done you thanks

Spopssas Sat 01-Nov-14 17:10:23

I have never recovered from my Husband suddenly leaving. It's been several years now. I could never be with a man again. So glad that others have not been so scarred though. Well done to you all. smile

Greta28 Sat 01-Nov-14 22:08:34

spopssas have you had some counselling? I have been terribly treated by partners before, and my father completely abandoned me when I was 3, but that didn't give me relationship issues. I mean, everyone is SO different! I couldn't be put off the whole of male sex

Dowser Sat 01-Nov-14 22:56:55

Haven't read the whole thread Alchemist but just first and last page.

Thrilled it's all come full circle.

I was in that awful place. I once read that for every year you were together you needed to allow yourself a month . Well it was almost that amount of time although the last months wre nowhere near as bad as the first ones .

Do you know, I'm just looking at my diamond engagement ring of two and a half years sparkling in the light. It looks really beautiful and is a loving symbol of just how beautiful my life is right now.

I hope that you too can look back at how beautiful your life has become.

BrowersBlues Sun 02-Nov-14 13:31:46

Alchemist, thank you for posting an update. It is amazing to read through a year of your life. You are a great example to anyone who has been left or who is strguggling to leave a dysfunctional relationship. It can and does very often get better. All the best for the next year and I hope your DC and doggie are doing well.

Alchemist Thu 20-Nov-14 00:05:40

Am just dripping with bitterness. DC with father this weekend and while I haven't wanted them to go, I have always tried to be open to his contact. However, this weekend I do not want them away.

I hate the fucker and I don't know where this has come from. I thought I was ok sad.

DD said she hates going there but she hates coming back. Obviously is, I hope, when there/here ok but her words just make me realise DD just hasn't spoken as much as DS.

So what do I do? Send the DC? Not send DC? I know what I want but DC to be ok. Get over myself or ??

NeitherHereOrThere Thu 20-Nov-14 09:30:46

Yes you do need to allow the DC to have a relationship with their father. Let them go.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now