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Just found out my OH is married. Should I tell his wife? How?

(248 Posts)
Anniemannie Fri 01-Nov-13 19:10:52

I'm 24, and I met my OH after bumping into him a number of places around the city- it started off as sort of a joke but then it was TOO much of a coincidence and he asked me out officially with the line "you're probably already planning to go but would you like to go to X with me next weekend?"

He's great- sexy, clever, compassionate. He's quite a bit older than me but it's never really felt like it, we have a lot in common.

Neither of us have ever said we're looking for something official. I DID trust him with everything but I'm in no rush to get married, I'm not the sort of person to do anything without considering it thoroughly. We've been seeing each other about a year, we've gone away a lot but we spend a lot of time in the city as well so I never had the feeling he was hiding anything. I've met his sister and friends, but was never officially introduced as his OH, but I liked that.

Anyway, I go to a local bar tonight and he's there. With a woman and two teenage daughters who are clearly twins and clearly his, he didn't see me but I watched for 10 minutes and saw all his little touches to his wife's shoulder, pats to her knee, and at one point, a brief kiss on top of her head when he left the table to go to the bar.

I'm shaking. What do I do?

jonicomelately Fri 01-Nov-13 19:12:50

Run like the wind and never look back.

RandomMess Fri 01-Nov-13 19:13:35

What do you want to do?

You could just cut all contact with him or you could go and throw a large drink over him and then cut all contact with him.

ziggiestardust Fri 01-Nov-13 19:13:49

Run! Oh my God!

I'm so sorry for your shock though sad wine

Holdthepage Fri 01-Nov-13 19:13:51

Dump him like he is radioactive.

BadgersRetreat Fri 01-Nov-13 19:14:23

I think I'd walk away and don't look back. Look on it as a lucky escape. Wonder when he was planning to tell you the bastard

Bearandcub Fri 01-Nov-13 19:14:38

Tell him what you saw and that's the reason he is never to contact you again.

Anniemannie Fri 01-Nov-13 19:15:04

Ha no worries about the dumping! I've lost all respect for him and feelin incredibly bad for his wife. Do I tell her?

BetterDrownedThanDuffers Fri 01-Nov-13 19:15:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TiredDog Fri 01-Nov-13 19:15:55

Have you never been to his house in the year?

Lweji Fri 01-Nov-13 19:16:17

Are you still there?

I might well go to the table, pretend I didn't realise and introduce myself.

I any case, LTB.

(not sure you are calling him OH. He's not, is he?)

TiredDog Fri 01-Nov-13 19:16:28

grin. Better what on earth made you think that?

itsmeisntit Fri 01-Nov-13 19:16:47

Ok so he may have twin daughters, but was he or she wearing a wedding ring? they could be separated?
You need to ask him

HissyFucker Fri 01-Nov-13 19:16:57

Are you in the uk?

PrincessFlirtyPants Fri 01-Nov-13 19:17:21

Oh my, what a horrible man.

Agree with the others, dump dump dump.

itsmeisntit Fri 01-Nov-13 19:17:43

Tell him you saw him out and let him explain. Don't say who you saw him with or where you saw him. let him provide the details

MummyofIsla Fri 01-Nov-13 19:17:44

Are you sure it's exactly what it seems. I know it looks bad but it could be his ex-wife (on good terms) or a relative (hence why children might look like the could be his.) I would ask him outright before jumping to any conclusions.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Fri 01-Nov-13 19:17:47

Dump him. Absolutely. Nothing he can say will excuse this.

But don't go and expose him in front of his wife and children. They have done nothing to deserve the humiliation and upset.

Norudeshitrequired Fri 01-Nov-13 19:18:04

Do not go to the table - for his daughters sake, it wouldn't be fair.

HootShoot Fri 01-Nov-13 19:18:43

No don't tell her, its not fair on his daughters, but make damn sure he sees you before you leave the bar.

NandH Fri 01-Nov-13 19:18:44

That's awful, are you sureeeee she's his wife?? If so then yes you must tell her!!

WipsGlitter Fri 01-Nov-13 19:19:36

Sister? Close friend? It's a bit of a jump to assume she's his wife and daughters. I'd have gone over. As someone upthread said have you been to his house. I'd be amazed he introduced you to his sister if he was married.

PukingCat Fri 01-Nov-13 19:19:47

How long have you been seeing him?

Did he tell you that he had children at least?

Id go and introduce myself as someone else said and see what happens.

NandH Fri 01-Nov-13 19:20:13

Oh yes obviously not in front of the daughters but definitely tell her. I never understand people that say don't, why wouldn't you want to know if your husband is a lying cheat???

monkeyfacegrace Fri 01-Nov-13 19:20:51

I'd walk up, give him a kiss, and say hello. Introduce yourself grin

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