Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I failed

(36 Posts)
Karenblixen Wed 30-Oct-13 09:39:39

I have been trying to leave "the most abusive twunt in the history of MN" also referred to as a hideous amphibian by all these lovely ladies who supported me at the time and I have to call it a day. No chance to get out.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 30-Oct-13 09:41:32

Oh no! What happened?

CogitoEerilySpooky Wed 30-Oct-13 09:52:31

What have you tried so far?

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Wed 30-Oct-13 09:55:27

You haven't failed
You just haven't done it yet

wordyBird Thu 31-Oct-13 00:06:12

Never give up, KB flowers
Take a deep breath, hold on to your hope and your goal, and post again when/if you want to (and wherever you want to, IYSWIM)

TheOpposibleThumb Thu 31-Oct-13 00:32:41

I remember your thread and have often thought about you. I hope so much that an answer can be found.

SunshineSuperNova Thu 31-Oct-13 00:41:01

Hang in there lovely. It took me ages to leave my abusive twunt. They take all your energy and confidence. xx


malinaa Thu 31-Oct-13 01:59:34

I don't know your situation, but from my experience, leaving a troubled relationship is very hard. If it was easy, we wouldn't end up in that situation in the first place. Take your time, there is no such thing as failure in this circumstance, just more chances. Good luck!!

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 02:32:57

Why? Was on other thread

AdoraBell Thu 31-Oct-13 03:27:36

I lurked on your thread, sorry, just didn't think I could add anything helpful at the time.

You haven't Failed. It takes time and you will be able To do it at some point in the future. There will be an opportunity To make the move. Just keep that in mind and keep looking forward.

Chubfuddler Thu 31-Oct-13 03:44:40

I remember you. I'm glad you're still in one piece.

Agree with the others; you haven't failed. You just haven't done it yet. But you can. Even if it means waiting until he goes out, grabbing a bag and walking. That's what I did. So can you.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Tue 05-Nov-13 13:15:11

I remember you. I posted very early on but I could be of no help, apart from willing you on from afar.

I do hope you and the DCs are well. Wishing you good happenings.

thatsnotmynamereally Tue 05-Nov-13 13:57:36

Karen I'm glad you're OK, have been thinking about you lots and wondering what was happening. Hope your DD and DS are well, and your health OK? What has reptile been up to?

I'm sure whatever happened you have not failed-- that sounds very bleak BTW-- I've really missed your updates, did DT (toad) discover your plans to leave and ruin everything? ( of course you don't have to tell if you don't want to for any reason!)

If it's any consolation it has been exactly one year for me since I first posted on this site and realized categorically that I need to LTB. Still planning and scheming... but am detached emotionally and self-knowledge has made it so much easier to live with the B. These things may take time!

Thelongwaytofreedom Fri 08-Nov-13 19:51:04

It's stop and go and can be terrifying and above all it is just so scary but I battle on. Thank you ladies! It was just a blip. flowers Without you all I would still be nowhere.

cjel Fri 08-Nov-13 22:37:39

Hello Karen How are you?

Hissy Fri 08-Nov-13 22:54:15

Sweety, on average I think it takes 8 attempts.

Whatever happened, it wasn't the right time, but my love the next time you'll be more determined, and have more faith in yourself.

I haven't seen your story, but i'm here now and if I can hold your hand, help you see that you can do this, and walk with you, I will.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 08-Nov-13 23:56:56

Agree with the others, you haven't failed.

We leave when it's our time to leave, if that makes sense.

Lweji Sat 09-Nov-13 00:23:00

No, no, no.
You just haven't this time.
You will. Sooner or later.

Keep working on it.

RhondaJean Sat 09-Nov-13 00:26:18

I don't know your back story but I believe you can make your life what you want it to be. You just haven't had the chance yet.

Be strong Karen, this was not the right time for whatever reason but it will come to you.

wontletmesignin Sat 09-Nov-13 01:03:13

You havent failed. I dont know your other story, but from what i am gathering it is an abusive relationship.

It takes time, it is very hard. Because there is no winning outcome. At least that is how it feels, especially at the beginning of the end.

Dont pressure yourself. Just help yourself build up to it.
It took me 5 full years to leave my first abusive relationship and 2-3 to leave the one ive just left.

You will do it when the time is right for you. You will know when you are ready, and when you are - you wont look back.
Dont give yourself a hard time over this. Add the energy to build up your strength to make the move you want to make.

You will get great support here no matter what decision you make. Which im sure you already know.

Good luck xxx

bragmatic Sat 09-Nov-13 04:34:31

I think I remember your thread. I hope you are the poster I think you are. I've been worried about you.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sat 09-Nov-13 04:39:07

Thinking of you Karen. Toad won't win. He won't! angry

Thelongwaytofreedom Sat 09-Nov-13 10:16:28

I need all of you right now. Thank you so much! (Have ncd but it doesn't matter). Next few weeks are going to be very hard. Thank you all for remembering me. I will give a proper update when I can. At the moment I need handholding. I have great RL support but I have to give people a break. WA are fantastic. GP supports reptile. I will update on that too. KB

Jux Sat 09-Nov-13 10:37:50

KB! I am delighted to see you here. It means you are still fighting even if you don't think you are. Failed? No, no way! As others have said, it is a really hard thing.

Maybe if you think about it like algebra? When you first come up against algebra it can be really hard to get your head around it, you're given all these equations and at first you haven't the faintest idea what you're supposed to do or how, and you get them wrong. If you give up and say "no, it's too hard, I can't do maths" then you'll never get there. If you just plug away at it, one day you do it! That equation is done! The next thing you know you're doing quadratics! Maths? Easy peasy!

Don't give up, KB. You're learning how to do it, and success will come.

LisaMed Sat 09-Nov-13 11:20:59

Sending hugs

You haven't failed, you just haven't succeeded yet. You are a brilliant, strong, able person dealing with the impossible.

Sending positive vibes.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now