DH never wants to do anything. His excuse is that we don’t have enough money to do whatever it is that I want to do, be it a holiday or a day out. There have been times when we have had enough money to do these things, admittedly things are a bit tight at the moment, but other people are in the same position and they still manage to have fun.
I am desperate for a family holiday, but he says no. He says we should be saving money for our future. Well, we haven’t had any fun in years, and we still haven’t managed to save any money! It’s not just money, on the occasions he agrees that we need a holiday, he says we should go and visit his parents who live abroad. They can’t stand me. I don’t want to visit them. Particularly as they have visited us 3 times in the last year.
We never have fun days out, we never go out as a couple, he never buys me anything. Yet we still seem to find the money for takeaways or alcohol. Or going to the local pizza place that he likes. That’s all we seem to do. I have tried explaining to him that if we gave up these things, we would have more money for other things. But he doesn’t listen.
We have 2 kids and their lives just seem a bit miserable. DH only has one day off a week and he seems to spend the whole day in a mood. Again, we never do anything fun on his day off. We’ll go to McDonald’s for breakfast, then maybe the local DIY shop, wander around the shopping centre, get a coffee, go home, get a takeaway… the same thing every weekend. I hate junk food!!!
I thought it was me, maybe I am just a miserable demanding cow, but this morning our cleaner who never usually speaks said: “Sorry to say this, but Sir is a killjoy. He is killing the happiness of everyone around him.” I don’t know what prompted it, as I said, she never usually speaks. But she’s right.
What can I do? I have 2 grown-up kids from a previous relationship who don’t live with us. And I am not being flippant when I say that me and my older kids had a better, more fun life on benefits than my current kids do with 2 parents working!
Is anyone else in this postion? How do you handle it? Thanks.
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What to do with a killjoy DH?
MatildaMai · 30/10/2013 05:17
Ive gone onholiday alone , with dc's, without my dh before as he was busy with work.
You'd be surprised how many people do it!
Don't wait around for his permission to have a life. Stop asking for his approval and he'll soon change his attitude when he sees how much fun you're having 
My XH could suck the joy from anything.
I lost count of the years when he made me worry incessantly about cash-flow and live as though I had nothing, only to announce at the end of the year that "we have had a very good year".
It was all part of abusive control. Kept me effectively penniless. All fed into a programme of emotional abuse. And he was banking thousands into accounts I knew nothing about!!
I never say LTB. But this time my advice really is .....Leave!!!! Its not worth waiting another 10 years, because they don't change and the prospect for later life is not worth contemplating.
Oh gosh are you me? I could have written your post word for word.
I struggled on for years and years trying to keep our 'happy family' together. But we weren't happy.
We separated earlier this year and since then me & the kids have had a ball . We go out all the time, just little stuff like nice walks, impromptu stuff, visiting people etc. I feel a little bit like I've deprived them of some 'fun' in their lives because we were always treading on eggshells when exh was here.
Not sure if you're at the stage of wanting to leave him yet, but if not sit him down, tell him how you feel, and then take the kids yourself. You can't hang back on this stuff, they aren't children for that long.
Unfortunately you run the risk of him saying (as mine did) 'I feel like I'm not part of the family any more' Well mine wasn't in the end, so now he's gone.
Keep the cleaner, lose the Dementor.... 
Seriously, he doesn't even appear to like you very much, let alone love you. That's got to be a reasonable conclusion from behaviour where someone wouldn't want to go on holiday or spend leisure time with their DW. He makes excuses, he's unpleasant... I'd ask him straight if he sees a future in the relationship and point out that you increasingly don't.
To answer the question that's been asked a few times... we don't actually have any money. We fritter it all away on takeaways 
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