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Is this normal? I can't tell anymore

(152 Posts)
Longhairedcat Tue 29-Oct-13 21:58:33

Ok have posted on here previously about new BF of 2 months and problems with penetrative sex. I need some advice and opinions on whether I am over worrying/ overthinking which is possible due to previous EA relationship slightly skewing my thinking, or does it just heighten your senses?

Anyway the issues are:-

1) still not had penetrative sex but do everything else. He won't really say why just that it will happen. He now tells me he has ordered a toy, not totally unexpected as we have chatted about it. Is that weird or not?

2) he talks as though he wants a future with me and he has found someone he loves but I find this hard to accept, not so much because of the short time span as I know it can happen, but because he was very hurt by breakup of last relationship which was only in the spring

3) a few times he has said things to me in the name of 'teasing' but to me they didn't sound like that. For example if I've said something unintentionally that he hasn't liked that's when he seems to do this

4) for the first few weeks we seemed to see eachother more frequently than now. I know we can't keep up seeing eachother every night but I suppose I'm just a bit insecure

I suppose I just can't work him out properly yet. Is that normal at this stage? I'm very out of practice. I would say the vast majority of the time we enjoy eachothers company. I'm scared of another abusive relationship

claudedebussy Sun 03-Nov-13 14:31:54

i don't think he's done all of this intentionally. i think he thought he'd somehow manage but this ed has got in the way. he can't face it and will do anything to avoid having to deal with it.

i do think that he felt genuine when he said all those things.

but i think he's made it clear that for whatever reason he can't face up to his problem. which really spells the end of your relationship as you've stated that you don't want a friendship with him.

all ok - you can now find someone who likes you AND can give you a good shag.

mathanxiety Sun 03-Nov-13 17:58:26

Longhairedcat, why did you ask him over on Friday?

Why do you want to prolong this?
Why do you keep on giving him opportunities to rub your nose in the face that he walked out on you?

I think he felt genuine when he said the things he said too, but they are part of a persona he has adopted - a persona that is his comfort zone. Feeling genuine doesn't mean he is ready for intimacy (emotional or physical). His schtick is 'man who wants someone else to let him get away with being a manchild (your term was spot on imo) wrt sex, communication style and doing all the taking from a relationship while you do all the giving'. As a pp said, introducing the sex toy without a Yes from you meant he could treat you as if you were invisible or not really there. It was all going to be about him.

Watch out for that sense of vanity and the urge to nurture. You are going to end up with losers if you allow that impulse to have free rein. When you start into a relationship do a spotcheck of your own feelings and keep on looking at the calendar. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Whirlwind stuff only happens in Mills and Boons.

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