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any dating gurus around?

(272 Posts)
Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 12:00:31

so if you met someone, and had quite a nice time at a party with them (no snogging or sexuals) and you were reasonably sure he fancied you but you didn't fancy him as such but quite liked him as a person, and so if you went on to send him a message asking if he would like to come to the cinema to watch a film (that he had been talking about) with you but he hadn't responded within 24 hours would you:

1. think never mind, nothing ventured nothing gained
2. check you got the number right
3. find out where he lives and let yourself in while he is at work and surprise him?

I'm thinking 1 but I really do think he liked me, he wrote a lovely poem and everything (everything being making an origami crane) so am a bit puzzled that he wouldn't at least say thanks but no, or ideally 'yes that would be lovely'. Hmmm.

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 12:02:00

I only didn't fancy him because am going through of a bit of an asexual phase at the moment, I hardly even bother to have sex with myself these days. I'm sure I would fancy him normally.

Loopyloulu Mon 28-Oct-13 12:20:30

Sounds as if your pride is dented because you want him as a friend but he doesn't want you back.

Maybe he is already attached, or is just friendly to everyone.

Your text sounds like asking for a date and the no-reply is a sign he doesn't want that.

So you need to do (1).

Lweji Mon 28-Oct-13 12:35:03

I'd go with 1 too.
It seems that so far anything between you has been very casual.
A number of things may have happened, though.

If he ever replies, then decide.

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 12:35:54

pride is obviously a bit dented, mostly puzzled though because he seemed very interested at the time (but maybe he had booze goggles on grin) he is definitely 100% single - it's not really a case of 'how could he possibly resist such an attractive offer' more not all that consistent with his conduct on Saturday night

on the other hand I did get his number from a friend of a friend so is vaguely possible it isn't right, I could ask them to check and if it is right then I will revert to 1 smile thanks!

Lweji Mon 28-Oct-13 12:41:04

on the other hand I did get his number from a friend of a friend

I think that answers your question.
You didn't have his number, so you were already a bit stalkerish (#3), so he probably didn't think about pursuing it with you.

DropYourSword Mon 28-Oct-13 12:42:55

Please please just confirm that #3 was a joke!!

Loopyloulu Mon 28-Oct-13 12:46:33

Is it possible that you over estimated his interest in you?
That seems the obvious explanation.

However, it's only 24 hours and some people like to 'reflect' a bit before replying so there is still plenty of time for him to do so.

I'd check the number ( for peace of mind), maybe send 1 more text just asking if he received the first one ( but wait a few days) then bin and disregard him as a bad mannered oaf- even if you are not his type after all he could reply with a ' no thanks sorry, bit busy for a while.'

Lweji Mon 28-Oct-13 12:51:46

If you want to make sure, don't just text, ring the man. Mention something like you wanted to make plans for the weekend (whatever) and wanted to make sure you'd be free.

It also gives you opportunity to flirt a bit with him.

I would let it go, though.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 28-Oct-13 12:55:29

I think 1 but I had a guy/friend like this and messaged him from facebook and thought he was ignoring me, it turned out those messages went into another box and all the time he had been wondering how I was, he emailed me asking.

So maybe he didn't get the message?

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 12:55:48

of course it was a joke, I already found out where he lives (also a joke)

is quite nice in some ways being the stalkery one for a change though, the thing is he did make me a beautiful origami thing which unfurled to reveal this inside:

I'll embrace the cold / And holding myself alone / Until you are mine

and it had my name on it. So I sort of interpreted that as a signal that he was quite interested, even though it was possibly a bit deep. Plus he was watching me, appreciatively not at all creepily, all night. Which is a Good Thing? I didn't feel perved upon. I just wanted to let him know that I would quite like to spend some time with him in a less crazed party kind of way, thought it was quite a positive that I wasn't obsessed with shagging him straight away and would rather get to know him first!

is really ok if he is not interested of course, I won't take it any further, I appreciate having this not all that anonymous space to mull it over grin

Lweji Mon 28-Oct-13 13:04:01

Maybe he just wanted to sleep with you then?

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 13:06:16

well that would be nice, he doesn't really give off those vibes though, he is more sort of cerebral

I will verify the number and save my origami souvenirs from the evening and file it under W for People Are Weird

LessMissAbs Mon 28-Oct-13 13:10:59

Could be:

(1) He's not single and gets off on flirting with women = timewaster
(2) He's so shocked and delighted by your text it has sent him spinning into a panic that it will take him several weeks to recover from, at which point he will text you back hinting at a date
(3) He can't cope with women who suggest dates

The origami thing is a bit weird I think.

In my admittedly special case, it is always No 1. Its horrific, in varying degrees.

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 13:15:58

I KNOW he's single. He's definitely single. He's a long term singleton. We were set up to meet at this party in a way that wouldn't be too pressured for either of us.

I think he possibly fancied me quite a bit when he was drunk but has reflected since sobering up and is thanking God for a lucky escape grin

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 13:17:12

if (2) or (3) apply he's not much use to me!

LessMissAbs Mon 28-Oct-13 13:21:30

My guess is that its my (2) and just be patient and wait for him to get back in contact. He might be a bit shy/slow at dating. If he doesn't get back in contact, you know he's a waste of time.

By the by, I once knew a guy really well, who all his friends, sister, workmates thought was single, who turned out to have been in a secret relationship long distance relationship for 5 years, who explained his frequent disappearances and invite declines to visiting his sick mother!

I'm sure this isn't the case here though!

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 13:21:57

the origami things were nice though

they were inspired by my dancing, it reminded him of the bit at the end of The Karate Kid where he does 'The Crane' an example of my wonderful dancing here

never mind, it was fun while it lasted in my imagination for a few hours!

Whatnext074 Mon 28-Oct-13 13:25:40

mitchy - did you talk about exchanging numbers? I just wonder why he didn't give you his number and you got it from a friend of a friend.

File the origami under f for 'that was a fun evening'.

Loopyloulu Mon 28-Oct-13 13:27:37

Maybe it's your other habit that's put him off- MitchyInge= Itchy Minge?

DropYourSword Mon 28-Oct-13 13:31:50

You jest, but I have seriously known people who would consider it Mitchy!!

IsisOhIsis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:32:52

I'd go with 3.

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 13:39:48

I had the wrong number, it ends 234 not 324 (for example)! I knew it. I knew he was not the type to just not respond at all. So I have resent the text and will just go through all this again for next 24 hours grin

Mitchy1nge Mon 28-Oct-13 13:41:36

it's all been a bit effortful though, I think I've gone off the idea now

DropYourSword Mon 28-Oct-13 13:42:41

It's been a huge effort to send one text to the right number?

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