Is this the end of my relationship?

[Firebomb]

Me and the SO have been fighting for awhile. I don't think he spends enough time with our son (he barely sees him at all and they live in the same house...) he says 'of course I spend time with him, I'm home all the time except this past week' and yeah, sure he's home. But he sits on the opposite side of the room and tells me 'well you're closer to him', so he doesn't have to get up and do anything for the baby.

This week... this week pissed me off. He's not supposed to be working, but he still takes mechanic jobs sometimes and that's cool, whatever, I guess, even though I disapprove. But he was gone this ENTIRE week working on cars. Gone before the baby woke up, back after the baby went to bed. I was livid. ESPECIALLY when the baby started saying 'dada dada dada' and looking around. I was heartbroken.

What really pissed me off though was he took the weekend off...TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS OTHER SON. He has a 5 year old from a previous relationship, our LO is 8 months old. His excuse was that 'he only gets to see his other son two days a week' and I pointed out that he hadn't even seen OUR son in a week. Of course that made him angry and defensive and we've been fighting about it all damn day. He decided to stick around the house today instead of him taking his son out and finally spent some time with our LO. But still, he managed to spend MORE time with his other son, completely ignoring our LO at times.

I'm too the end of my rope with this. It's breaking my heart to see him treat our son like this.

Also, Tomorrow is my birthday and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW. This, of course, completely ruined any fun I might have had tomorrow anyway. Whatever though. We spent about an hour arguing over text when he took his son home. and he turned it from me explaining why I'm angry to him belittling me, pointing out all of my flaws, calling me lazy (which yeah, sometimes I really am but I've had PPD for awhile too, which he could care less about). Then starts telling me what I need to do in order for him to not end the relationship.

Um...excuse me? You're giving me ultimatums like I care? Leave, I'm acting like a single mother anyway.

My problem is this: I can't drive, I chose to stay home with the baby so I don't have a job and I'm planning on going to college at the beginning of the year (January, not school year lol). I'm completely dependent on him right now and he knows it.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Sounds like there's quite a lot of laziness, detachment and wrong priorities going on from him. However, 'explaining why I'm angry' ad going on the offensive with the text argument etc was only going to end up one way. You (plural) have to find a better, more constructive, less confrontational way to talk about problems face to face (not via a mobile phone) or yes, the relationship will descend even further.

As you're highly dependent on him (and that's always a mistake IMHO) I think you should look at relationship counselling in the first instance. Also you might need to rethink your SAHM ambitions, look at getting work, get the driving licence, reschedule college and give yourself some other options.

[farrowandbawl]

I can't drive, Not an excuse, you can fix that, in time - it's not a huge deal.

I chose to stay home with the baby so I don't have a job and I'm planning on going to college at the beginning of the year (January, not school year lol). I'm completely dependent on him right now and he knows it. you have an 8mo, I know benefits isn't much of an option buit it better than what you have now. Income support is there because of this reason and others. Use it and go to college to make your options better or until you've found a job.

You are looking after 3 kids, not 2 like you should be. Fix it.

Whay are you with him? It doesn't sound as though it's worth all this hassle.

[Dahlen]

Why isn't he supposed to be working?

Did you have the discussion about being a SAHM and was he on board with it at the time?

What's he done about your PND? Is he supportive? Does he pull his weight in other ways?

I think you need to separate the time he spends with his other son from the time he spends with yours. It's possible to do both. Activities with a 5-year-old will always seem more engaging and time-consuming than those with an 8-month-old because of the age difference. The fact that you see them as being in competition with each other indicates either a deep dissatisfaction with your partner's parenting involvement generally, or a resentment to him having another family. From your post I'd say it's the former, but if you're jealous in any way you need to acknowledge that and find a way to deal with it.

Taking your OP on face value, it sounds like your partner is not as engaged in the relationship as he needs to be. Add to that forgetting your birthday and it would be a deal-breaker for me. I've been around a long time and had a lot of dramatic things happen in my life but I've never forgotten a partner's birthday. It's common for people to make excuses for people about this, such as "once you're a grown up, what does it matter" but that can be BS. If it matters to you, and it clearly does, then a mutual decision not to mark birthdays doesn't apply.

Which leaves the question, what do you want to do? If you want to leave, leave. Factors like not being able to drive make it more difficult for you to leave, certainly, but should not be used as excuses not to take action. The family dynamic in your house sounds very unhealthy for all concerned, especially your DS. I'd hazard a guess that your PND would probably improve once you were out of it too.

As a single parent you would qualify for help with childcare while studying. I'd investigate that and the possibility of getting somewhere to live within walking distance/bus journeys of college.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.