Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Rules of dating?

(29 Posts)
ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 21:54:08

Eg. Do I text him or always wait for him to text me? Am I suppose to make him chase me?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 26-Oct-13 21:58:54

I'd forget ideas of chasing... bit teenagery. smile Best to strike a balance between appearing enthusiastic (good) and seeming needy or overbearing (bad). Unfortunately, as one person's definition of enthusiastic is going to be someone else's needy it's best to just be yourself. Good luck

ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 22:05:38

Thanks Cogito x

ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 22:06:39

How do I seem un-needy?

HandragsAndGladbags Sat 26-Oct-13 22:07:16

I decided that with DH when we first met I absolutely wouldn't contact him first for one month, as I had felt I was chasing with other dates.

I carefully implemented my plan.

He didn't notice grin

Make of that what you will.

HandragsAndGladbags Sat 26-Oct-13 22:08:20

Sending a text tomorrow evening, say, asking if they had a nice weekend - perfectly okay.

Texting them every morning "just to say hi" I would say is full on

ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 22:10:52

Ok, so I definately don't text him tonight? I heard from him last this morning.

HandragsAndGladbags Sat 26-Oct-13 22:15:05

Have you text him back from this morning? If not then do, if you did I would leave until tomorrow personally

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 26-Oct-13 22:16:49

Cog's guide to appearing un-needy (book deal pending) smile
- Wait several minutes after receiving a text before sending one back.
- Let calls go to voice-mail a few times rather than picking up straight away
- Have to check your diary rather than automatically leaping at the next date suggestion.
- Disagree with your date from time to time

Not game playing... just letting your gentlemen callers know that you have a) friends, b) opinions, c) a life and d) better things to do than sit by a phone all day. (FWIW I do all of the above and have difficulty shaking the buggers off.. )

Walkacrossthesand Sat 26-Oct-13 22:17:01

Text/email 'ping pong' is fine - ie take turns to message, if he doesn't reply to a mail/message then you don't message him again until he does. But if he texted you this morning, I imagine he's hoping for a reply! Don't 'play it so cool' that you freeze him out grin

ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 22:18:42

I replied to him this morning so I'll definitely leave it now. I think I'm going to just go to bed so I don't get tempted.

ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 22:19:19

I wod buy your book, cog! smile

ClementineKelandra Sat 26-Oct-13 22:20:24


brokenhearted55a Sat 26-Oct-13 22:47:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 26-Oct-13 23:34:15

Have you tried actual insults? The 'stickiest' ones are the ones I'm really quite rude to. (Although they could just be a bit thick and not get it)

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sun 27-Oct-13 08:28:47

The rules from the dating thread are great to remember....(mainly for online dating)

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

The biggest thing to remember is YOU ARE THE PRIZE! I think.

I agree with text ping pong, I generally don't send another message until reply received (the exception being if arrangements need to be made/clarified).

something2say Sun 27-Oct-13 08:49:49

i think not chasing is still relevant.....

ClementineKelandra Sun 27-Oct-13 10:34:33

Ok so is this weird. He only knows me by my maiden name but I'm still under my old married name on fb. He managed to find me and send me a friend request. I'm not big on technical stuff and very selective with who I add on fb. Does that mean he actually went searching for me? I like him but i want to keep him at arms length for the mo.

ClementineKelandra Sun 27-Oct-13 10:35:27

My new mantra will be I am the prize

SarahBumBarer Sun 27-Oct-13 12:07:29

I gave my private email address (hotmail) to my boss the other day as I could not access work emails. When I replied to her email a link automatically came up to her FB page. It could be something simple like that.

ALittleStranger Sun 27-Oct-13 13:47:39

The dating thread rules above are very, very wise.

I think also remember that if you're asking yourself "is he keen" then chances are he's not. Ignore those who say to give someone a "second chance" for bad behaviour like vanishing etc. Most people are awful at being straight and saying they're not interested so will just try and shake someone off instead. Giving them a "second chance" is flogging a dead horse. I think you need to feel that you would be persued if you made him, but you're far too sorted to go about following The Rules etc.

cjel Sun 27-Oct-13 14:03:18

OK, So now i know all the rules - where do I find a man?

HisLommel Sun 27-Oct-13 14:05:57

God how complicated! Surely the key is just to be yourself? No point pretending not to be needy if you are someone who needs a fair amount of attention. If someone doesn't take an interest in you being yourself then you've probably done yourself a favour!

MadeMan Sun 27-Oct-13 15:44:35

Yeah surely if someone pretends to not be needy but really is, then they'll get found out at some later point.

Some people might like needy to make themselves feel wanted/loved whatever. Others might prefer a partner that is more distant or independent.

Be who you are, do what you normally do and if the person doesn't like it then tough titty; they'll have to find somebody else.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 27-Oct-13 15:54:01

If someone pretends to be less needy than they are it's not a problem. Just gets them past those first few nervous dates and gives them chance to get to know the other person a bit better. The trouble with 'needy' and other heart on sleeve behaviour is that it makes someone very vulnerable very quickly. So not only unattractive but also putting them in the path of exploitation.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: