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IABU but Why am I so upset about this?

(184 Posts)
ItCantBe Sat 26-Oct-13 02:01:07

DP just came into our room,I was asleep.
I'm 8 months pregnant,I have SPD and I'm in a lot of pain,he knew I'd been having trouble sleeping and that my legs ached.

He woke me up by pulling at the duvet which was wound between my legs,I'd finally found a comfortable position and fallen asleep about 30 mins previously.
I asked him to stop but he wouldn't,he kept pulling at it,shouting at me that he wanted it,he was cold and he needed it. I said to get another from the cupboard. This wasn't good enough for him and he kept pulling at the duvet,ripping it out from under me.
I was half asleep and confused and hurt,it hurt my hips a lot when he pulled the duvet away and i grabbed it back and yelled at him to go away. He still wouldn't let go and wouldn't leave.
I was freaked out,I screamed at him to get out. By this time he had the duvet he'd pulled it away really aggressively.I was on the bed completely exposed still half asleep and,quite frankly frightened. He kept yelling at me.
I screamed for him to get out about 6 times and i actually slapped him before he finally did.
I cannot stop crying and shaking.
I know I acted like a nutcase,but I don't understand why he did this?
Why wouldn't he leave when I was obviously upset?
Why didn't he care that he was scaring me?
Why did he want the duvet so much that he was willing to wake me up by pulling it off me and shouting at me? There are plenty of other duvets and blankets etc.
I don't even understand why I acted the way I did,I've never hit anyone in my life,but I felt totally helpless and I just wanted to make him leave.
He pretended to cry when he left,it was really obviously not real crying and he was acting so oddly. I just don't understand.

I can't sleep,I'm so shaken up by the whole,weird incident. Its so ridiculous. It's just a freaking duvet.

Someone tell me WTF just happened and why I'm so upset.please.
Please don't flame me,I know I acted badly. I feel like a nutcase.

waltermittymissus Sun 27-Oct-13 11:09:15

Newt read my subsequent posts where I explained to the OP that I didn't realise the extent of the incident/situation and subsequently offered my opinion on the facts.

ICant how do you feel now that you've had your talk? Are you happy with his explanation?

Loopa thank you smile

NewtRipley Sun 27-Oct-13 11:12:47

Yes, I am a prat, I missed that one. And only a 4-page thread. Aaargh. Sorry.

cjel Sun 27-Oct-13 11:21:32

So glad it seems as if he wasn't being deliberate in his aggression. If hes done it before and you have let go then you can understand why he couldn't understand your reaction.

I can't imaging what its like to be in your situation with 2 dcs and heavily pregnant in so much pain, but as it is so out of character I hope you can move on and forgive and forget?xxxxx

waltermittymissus Sun 27-Oct-13 11:24:43

Newt thank you I appreciate that smile

InTheRedCorner Sun 27-Oct-13 11:25:14

How are you feeling about it all now?

TheFuckersonInquiry Sun 27-Oct-13 11:40:10

Do you still think it might be a good idea if you both went to counselling.

Regardless of the explanations and apologies this incident still culminated in violence sad. It is not normal and who is say there might not be another 'misunderstanding' in the future where you both lose it.

Isn't it best to address this with as much help as possible?

Thumbfuckerwitch Sun 27-Oct-13 13:27:54

Well I am glad that you have had a decent conversation about it and he is now properly sorry and realises what an utter dick he was. I hope that you can move past it together.

He might also want to cut back on the drinking, especially now you're 36w pg, no telling when you might go into labour and he doesn't want to be drunk when you do! Perhaps, and it's only a suggestion, you could use this as a sign of "good faith" - ask him to stop getting drunk and explain why, see where that leads you.

Good luck!

DoubleLifeIsForAnyFUCKER Sun 27-Oct-13 15:39:37

I am so glad you've had that proper adult conversation that this situation needed - well done you and well done your dh!

Did you talk about ways to avoid this happening again? As the more preg you get the more pain you're going to be in and the more he ll need to think before acting...

Spd pain plus HMS is a ruddy nightmare, and I'm glad you've got through to him how much it hurts! You could actually hear my pubic bone scraping together as I rolled over which helped with the understanding quite a bit - does yours click or grind? Can he feel/hear it? Or can you get a physio/ doctor to show him what happens on one of those plastic models of bones & ligaments?

Btw are you having antenatal physio for the spd? And do you have anything arranged for after the birth? My hospital kept popping my sacrum back in place which helped for a few hours at least, and after the birth they ran a physio rehab course which was maybe helpful (not to me as got dramatically worse and wasn't diagnosed until well after the course, but to others it seemed really good). Also are you wearing a belt to stabilise your hips?

JoinYourPlayfuckers Sun 27-Oct-13 16:28:24

Jesus, you poor thing sad

I had very mild SPD with my second and if I had had a duvet wrapped around my legs like that and someone had tried to yank it out by force it would have been AGONY.

And it absolutely 100% would have constituted an assault by the person using force to harm me while I was vulnerable.

Fucking keyboard warriors who think women who defend themselves are abusers give the RAGE.


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