Don't get me wrong, I am so not ready to set up shop yet, but this question has been on my mind since yesterday.
Me and H split last week, it's for good, it's what I wanted/needed. He's an EA porn addict apparently. For a long time I have been fantasising about a life of peace and celibacy in a lovely stress free house with my DS who is nearly two. Ah bliss!
But well meaning friends and relatives have raised the question, what would happen if....you met somebody else?
To be honest, I can't see it. I know MN gives you a distorted view of things, but Christ it seems so rare. Plus I have couple of friends who are ATM in unhealthy relationships. My DSis was divorced a few years ago. She is actually moving in with her new man in a couple of months but because of things that have happened in their relationship, at the back if my mind I think she is settling.
But...although it seems an attractive proposition now, I had never really envisaged me spending my life alone.
At 31 it seems a bit premature to bin my lucky drawers and after a week ofnseparation it's way too soon to put them on again I know.
But for that time in the distant future, when I may or may not feel ready, what are the chances?
I just feel like I would like to read some positive stories
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Relationships
Are there any decent ones out there?
EllieInTheRoom · 25/10/2013 10:54
I really think you have to take other people's interest in your love life with a huge pinch of salt. It's nothing to do with them. I'm 18 years technically single but have managed to become a mother (whoops!) and enjoyed quite an interesting sequence of gentlemen callers in that time. Enough to keep me entertained but not enough to frighten the horses. No-one lives with me and that suits me at the moment. When DS leaves home, maybe I'll feel differently.
I think family and friends are mildly confused that I'm not following the traditional trajectory of women but apparently I'm slightly intimidating IRL so they don't say anything. 
Unless you retreat to a convent you will probably 'meet someone' therefore, but my positive message is that where you choose to take it from there is entirely your call.
Another '18 years single' here - one or two relationships along the way but nothing cohabiting or with any chance of going the distance . Family and friends stopped asking if I'd 'met anyone' some time ago, which is a bit sad really cos it implies they've given up hoping on my behalf! 
. There's not much to choose from in your 50s - I didn't actively 'look' when I was newly divorced in my 30s too busy raising family and earning a living ; maybe I should have done. Would have been better for me, but I suspect not so good for my DCs. We'll never know!
I'd echo what Cogito says. Although she's lived alone (with her DS) much longer than me, I've pretty much done the same thing for many years. There's a lot to recommend it.
However, I am in a non-cohabiting relationship, and while he has been kept at arms length for various reasons, I'm happy to state he's one of the good ones. We met in a professional context.
When you get past 30 I think it can become a bit more difficult to meet someone; more so past 35-40. That's because most people are already in relationships at this age. Most people don't stay single for very long (a few months maybe) because it's still a cultural norm to get coupled up. Of the ones who aren't, many of them will have good reasons for being single that mean they are best avoided. It takes some skill to sift through them and spot the red flags. However, good men definitely do exist. Try to keep a sense of perspective - people generally air their misery rather than their happiness, which can give you a very skewed perception on relationships. The happy ones are the ones you probably don't even notice.
For now though, I wouldn't recommend dating. IMO the longer you take to process this relationship breakdown, heal from it and re-establish your single person identity, the greater the chances of you meeting, recognising and attracting a decent man. And if you don't, you may well find that you like being single anyway.
Hope the healing process isn't too hard for you. Even though you want this, it is still hard to let go of a past life and grieve for the dreams lost. 
"Of the ones who aren't, many of them will have good reasons for being single that mean they are best avoided."
OI!! 
I'm not best avoided! TBH I find the whole slightly intimidating/independent/happy in my skin persona means that men find me devastatingly attractive. Often the needy, pathetic sort of man I'll grant you....
My first partner turned out to be an alcoholic. We split when our son was 2. I met a lovely man when DS was 5. Been married now for what seems like my whole life (25+yrs) and I intend for it to stay that way. DH treats me with love and respect. We have an equal partnership and I feel blessed at how my marriage has worked. Never had a good role model growing up and after my first failure I was paranoid I was doomed to follow in my parents footsteps. Radio 2 have just played May You Never by John Martyn. I am usually a hard nut me but my out of character appreciation of DH has made me feel all sentimental for everyone!
Blimey, you're only 31... not on the shelf just yet
My story is very similar to HairyGrotter - it's amazing what you can 'buy' on 'Tinternet these days 
If you concentrate on having a wonderful life and being fabulous, the rest will fall into place. Don't listen to anyone else, have fun!
i think when you're ready to get out there, just enjoy the dating process as it happens organically without a "specific goal" in mind?
a lot of the connections you make may be duds, you'll have some great stories, enjoy the experience and let it broaden your horizons?
i quite like dating for sport or "shits and giggle" as they say, it doesn't have to be "oh my god i'm either a SINGLETON or i'm a COUPLE"? also that kind of thinking leads one to settle for Mr. "dull but ok"?
the dating process can be fairly fun for meeting new people, just getting out, and really? eg the kind of man i "settled" for and genuinely thought was "my type" in my late teens, up to when i was about 26ish (and married ....eep! ) is definitely NOT the kind of man i'd choose now, but i used years of being single to refine my expectations?
of course being in love is great, but i think sometimes there's a "societal expectation" that single women HAVE to be taking finding a man incredibly seriously, i find it actually quite patronising and weird when i mention say....a bad date which has taken up something like two hours of my life...
...and then get a chorus of "oh hun it'll be fine, don't worry, there's someone out there, wot a bastard..." etc?
almost like you "owe" people misery anecdotes about it or a certain "expected reaction"? when i don't actually care that much, other things affect me more emotionally, but apparently single women need the "awww babe it'll be fine" headpatting routine? so be wary about how much you talk about it too, as well.
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