I CBA to namechange. H will google or adsearch or trawl the boards or whatever he does do find my threads anyway, so not NCing will save him a bit of time.
I have left because I don't love my husband any more.
I am resentful of how much I support and basically subsidise him, emotionally, financially, domestically. There have been arguments and violence that our children have witnessed. This disgusts me and I am ashamed of my part in it.
He is a good man in many ways. I don't hate him. I take responsibility for my half of our problems.
We went to counselling. He has improved immeasurably since the counselling, he is less often pursuing, he is more responsible with money, he does not drink in secret (to my knowledge) or to excess.
It has not been enough to make me love him. If I could will myself to love him I would, for Christmas day and birthday parties and parent's evenings and Sunday dinners. I am still just as resentful and angry about past events as I was before we started.
I want to live by myself. I would like to have an amicable relationship with him but I can't because he loves me and it is breaking him that I do not love him back.
I have tried setting out schedules for the children to avoid conflict.
I have left him with the house and contents.
I keep getting angry with him when he tries to be 'friendly' because I feel the need to assert that we have split. This obviously upsets him. I see him every day almost as we share the children. He wants me back. I do not want to have intimacy of any form with him. He wants to reconcile, I want to affirm my separation.
There is no way to do this without getting upset is there? I need to control my emotional responses much more. I have suggested that we correspond by email, as it will give me time to measure it out.
Can anyone tell me how to do this? It is so hard. I know that this is my doing, and I have made it hard, but I cannot stay with someone I do not love.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How do you separate without hating each other?
Nagoo · 25/10/2013 01:10
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