GRRRRR!! Fucking mothers!!

[SweetSeraphim]

*Please note that this does not lessen the love I have for my mother

WHY are they so fucking passive aggressive??? If you want to have a whinge, then do so! Never mind the shitty guilt-inducing texts, I don't have the time or the patience to be doing with it tbh, I've had it for 43 years, I ain't playing tonight.

Fucks sake. Please don't let me be like this with mine.

Aaaaaaand breathe.

[IWishYouWould]

It's tempting to write letters for ourselves when we are older, so we don't do the same things....

[Luckypaws]

what's happened?

[SweetSeraphim]

It's not even that dramatic Lucky.....

She sent me a text asking what time was best to call - I said can I call her over the weekend because we have all the dc tonight and I was doing dinner.

Then she said - do you think you could 'squeeze in' a phonecall tomorrow on your lunch, I'm feeling very sorry for myself and fed up with being undervalued.

I called her. She didn't pick up. Then she sent me a message saying she doesn't feel like talking right now.

GET. TO. FUCK. I'm afraid to say I have reverted to a 13 year old having a text argument

Meh. Give me a break.

IWish - I've already told mine to give me a nudge if I'm like that..... but you don't, do you?

[UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps]

Mines does this too.

"You're so busy, we never see you..."

Fuck off... I have a successful career and social life. Cry me a fucking river. How horrible I must be having me as a child.

[mammadiggingdeep]

I have the best mum in the world....but yep, I have it too.

"Haven't heard much from you these last few weeks"......

You can call/ text me first mum?!
Y
You haven't been over for a few weeks......like she's waiting for a written invitation to come to me?! Come over!!!!!

[Groovee]

My mum is a bit like this too. She text me this morning to ask if I was coming over, then she text to check I was coming, then what time and then would I definitely come at that time.

A couple of weeks ago she checked every day for a week when I could come over and kept saying can't you come on "tuesday" when I clearly stated I was working Tuesday and she'd have to wait.

[Whitegrenache]

Omg I get this too!

They look after ds on a Friday and every Thursday night I ring them to make arrangements and every week I get "oh we were not sure of if u were going to ring us" or some other guilt inducing bollocks. They can surely pick up the reckon phone themselves?? They are retired and have nothing in their life's apart from the dog and I have a ft job, 2 kids and a busy life and it's always up to me to ring....

Arhhhhh it drives me nuts

[SweetSeraphim]

We live 150 miles apart. But I talk to her 2 or 3 times a week, and she texts me most days.

I'm 43 years old. I've got 2 dc, 2sdc, and a full time job. I don't even sit down properly until about 9pm, and then it's nearly bedtime ffs.

She's just apologised. I should fucking think so too.

I do love her, obviously. She just has no perception of how busy people are, she's been retired for ages.

They just drive you nuts. Don't even get me started on my dad!

[Luckypaws]

Aww I get how annoying that would be Sweet however do you both get along?

I'd be a bit hurt if I was having to text my children to ask when it would be ok to call , then being told 'in a couple of days'

I probs just feel like this because my eldest is ready to leave home and I will probably be one of these mums

[mammadiggingdeep]

But we love 'em.....

Wonder if our kids will be moaning about us one day........

[SweetSeraphim]

Yes, we get along great.

But I can't be emotionally blackmailed, it just doesn't work. Just puts my back up.

I only spoke to her on Monday!

[SweetSeraphim]

Course they will mamma!

[mammadiggingdeep]

Haha...yep....it's a rite of passage :)

[Bitofkipper]

Don't contact your daughters.

Don't not contact your daughters.

Don't ask permission to contact your daughters.

It's a minefield!

[Holdthepage]

Ok I am going to win hands down on the annoying mothers theme. Mine has been unwell for the last few weeks. 3 weeks in hospital & 6 weeks in respite. I visited every day for the whole time. She has been home for 2 weeks, again I have visited every day. Last Sunday I didn't visit or phone I went out for lunch with my DH instead, she went into total meltdown! I am the worst daughter in the world, I just don't care, she is cutting me out of her will etc...

I have a stepbrother who visits once in a blue moon. He is too busy/ill/on holiday/lives too far away & yet is fawned over as if he were royalty. I wonder why I bother sometimes.

[SweetSeraphim]

Bitofkipper, have you ever had teenage daughters? You've described EXACTLY what it's like!

[KouignAmann]

Ha SS I know that one too.
Me texting to DD2 on Sunday: want a chat after Downton?
Her: Sorry can we make it tomorrow?
Me: No worries

Monday: me : are you free??
Her......... Silence
Still waiting! I won't nag, I have dignity!

[Venushasrisen]

I wouldn't respond and then when she brings it up say sorry you didn't see txt. Then eventually she will give up with the sob stories.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Holdthepage....you DO win!!

[Sparrowlegs248]

Oh god my mother is the queen of the guilt trip. She does a very good sad face when you can't/won't do what she wants.....with a little downward looking martyr like 'oh ok then.....'

Also has NO concept of what its like to work full time away from home. I had a day off today - she was coming to pick something up. Text me at 9.30 to say she was coming. Arrived at 1.15. Its a 15 minute drive. Fecks sake.

[DeckSwabber]

where to start... ?

[Bitofkipper]

SweetSeraphim, yes have had a teenage daughter. We are very close because I know my place and never give advice unless asked.

She became a teenager at the age of two and can be very scary!

[pigsDOfly]

As a mother of adult children I rarely phone my children because I don't want to be the 'needy' mother. As a result I think I went through a phase of not ringing them enough because I didn't want to be a nuisance, especially with my son. My two daughters however, ring me frequently because we enjoy a chat. My son and I tend to email more than chat.

I know what it's like to have a busy life (I've been a single, working parent) and although my DC don't have children I know they're busy and I certainly don't expect them to be at my beck and call. I'm retired but I get on with my life and respect the fact that they want to get on with theirs.

As a consequence I have a good relationship with all of them and since I've moved nearer to them we meet up regularly and they know that I'm always ready to listen if they need to talk. I wouldn't however, just drop in without phoning first to make sure it's convenient, which I think someone said annoys her with her mother.

I think it really hard for parents to get it right a lot of the time, because one person's idea of acceptable levels of contact will be far too much or not enough for another.

And remember a lot of parents might be lonely.

I suspect in most case both parent and children are trying to get it right but they are different people in different stages of their lives and as different generations are going to grate on one another. It's always been that way and I suspect it always will be.

[SweetSeraphim]