right, where do i start? ive not been on much recently due to having my baby nearly 6 weeks ago. this is going to be an epic post so apologies in advance ladies!
i had posted on here previously about my dm, who has turned the arrival of her dgs into a competition with the ils. there was also a comment or 2 about the fact dps family is catholic. (we are protestants, though they are total non believers, i have been going recently with dp to mass and quite like it.)
because of the comments she has made i was worried that there would be issues over him being christened in chapel. these worries have now been made real. i had tried to have a chat with dm last week about it, i had tried to keep it light and told her we were having him christened and that we wanted my db to be his godfather, (had thought this would have helped keep her happy).
she then goes off on one, wanting to know why it has to be in chapel not church. (i couldnt care less where it happens as wether its a church or chapel they are al the same to me - a place of worship.) as it is, i dont belong to a church, but his family all go, so makes sense to have it there. she also has issue with his name, it is an irish name, that i chose, just because i liked it and wasnt a common name, not because it was irish and i never thought for a min she would take issue over a name, 'you cant even give him a normal name!' i aksed if it was because it was irish name and she said yes!!
she has also taken issue with his mum and dad for stupid reasons, his dad due to some silly comment he made the first time they met, and his mum i think because when she initially was told i was pg she a little upset, she has very strong views of sex before marriage etc, which is fair enough, that was the way she was brought up, she is older generation (iner 70s) and back then it just wasnt done to have children out of wedlock, regardless of religion. she then tried to tell me she doesnt agree with chapels or catholic schools and when i asked her why she said ' do you not watch the news??' so, i presume shes on about all the abuse stuff that has came out recently. she tried to say because of that she wont be going, even though the week before she was in chapel for her catholic best friends mums funeral, and also for said friends sons wedding couple of years back. so, dm goes home in a huff.
i never said to dp had spoke to her, in the hope i could try ad bring her round.
fast forward to sun eve. dp mentions that we need to get ds registered this week, as he is nearly 6 weeks old. the christening comes up. he askes if ive spoke to my folks, i lie and say not as yet. he then tells me i really need to before we arrange anything as he isconcerned they might not be too happy. he went on to say that while he wants him to be brought up to believe in god and have faith etc, he doesnt want it just to be catholic as we are mixed ourselves, he wants him to be brought up to understand and know about both, and to learn tolerence to others etc. he said we can do it week about, one week in mass, church the next, that he wont necessarily to go to all catholic school and that there are loads of integrated schools where we are, so that he can mix etc. he wanted to make it clear to them that its not all his family dominating and that it will be strictly catholic and that theyve nothing to fear.
i was then kicking myself wishing id waited til we chatted before speaking to dm. i stupidly thought my dm would actually see some sense in where we are coming from but no. spoke to her again y,day and her reason y,day was because 'we dont believe in it, you and db werent christened, it didnt do u,s any harm so why should he be christened. she is convinced im only doing this to suit him and his family. (im not, id never be bullied into anything, this has been left to me to decide.) and ive noticed that so far she hasnt called her dgc by his name. i tried explaining everything me and dp talked through but she was havng none of it. all she kept saying was 'thats what it looks like from here'
she also made some comments about dp which has left me thinking she has serious issues with him too. i only told dp that they werent going as they are non believers, he asked if it was due it being in chapel and i had to tell him yes. we are both disappointed (im mortified if im honest) and now worried that this may make things difficult for me and dp. i dont know what to do, i forsee me and dm falling out, and i will stop her seeing ds if this breaks up my family and if she doesnt start using his name.
any advice greatly appreciated, if you have got to the end of this post then hats off to you!!
tia
xxx
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'd'm - wtf do i do??
wispa31 · 22/10/2013 21:40
I remember your previous post, of all the times to kick off and be objectionable she's really timed this to perfection 
.
She has her ranty goggles on and she'll only end up hurting herself, long term. It's a kind of power trip she's on but you're not living your life to torment her, you're settled and happy and now a mum. So these things aren't up for discussion, they're happening, and you can compromise here or let her win there, but she can like it or lump it.
Personally i wouldn't let her in on any details if this is how she reacts. Easy for me to say because she's not my mother but your DH and DS come first now.
If she wants to be offended, she will be.
If she starts in on DP, or his family or background, tell her you're not listening.
In a funny way I bet she and DF raised you better than the way she's acting, she might be ashamed of herself eventually.
Even before I'd read the responses, my thought was, "Your child, your choices, she should butt out"
And I agree that you need to read "Toxic Parents" - unless you come to terms now with how you need to set boundaries (because she doesn't understand them), you will lurch from one crisis to another in your relationship with her and, more importantly, it will spoil the precious early years with your ds
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