Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Please tell me, is this as bad as I think?

(185 Posts)
SpringtimeForHitler Mon 21-Oct-13 09:46:53

I really need advice, I just don't know what is normal anymore.

My DH works full time, often has to work til 1pm Saturday and sometimes Sunday too.

I was made redundant while on maternity leave with DD (who is now at school) and 3 years later had DS. DH's unpredictable hours would make it very difficult for me to work.

Last night we had an argument and he said he thinks I have used him to get what I want (kids and house) and now that I have it I've turned nasty.

His reasoning is that he doesn't get as much sex affection as he would like. My sex drive has nose-dived, I am always knackered, I do not find being a mother easy.

Every single time we have an argument he sneers get a job and says why don't we just get a divorce. The next morning it's like it never happened.

Is it normal for husbands or DP's to say things like this when you have an argument? I'm so tired of it. sad

I don't want to drip feed so I should say that around the time DD was born and for about a year after he was utterly vile to me. He used to say really horrible things. I threatened to leave and he promised to stop, which he did. But now I think maybe he hasn't stopped, maybe it was so bad back then that what he does now seems ok and not so bad?? <sigh>

SpringtimeForHitler Sun 10-Nov-13 10:30:23

I would have liked to keep the house chipping, but I haven't worked since DD was born so would never have been able to pay the mortgage. Am going to have to claim housing benefit for a while, but I'm going to take the opportunity to retrain so hopefully I won't be on benefits for too long smile

SpringtimeForHitler Sun 10-Nov-13 10:35:38

Oh and he made me laugh last week, says that as he has to be work really early he will be unable to drop DD at school if she stays there during the week. No problem, I said, he could just drop her at mine on his way to work.

He had a better idea, " you can just stay at mine the night before and go straight from there"


Jux Sun 10-Nov-13 10:51:59

Oh he is a twat grin

Lweji Sun 10-Nov-13 10:59:37

I could be wrong, but can't you get housing benefit to cover the interest on the mortgage?
Check it out.

Anyway, I'm happy for you. smile
If you do rent elsewhere make sure it's as far from his new place as possible. wink

TheOpposibleThumb Sun 10-Nov-13 11:29:32

So happy for you, you will do more than cope, you will FLOURISH!!!!!

SpringtimeForHitler Thu 12-Dec-13 23:26:09

Hi, not sure if people are still following this thread, but thought I would update smile

Please excuse typos, I'm on my phone.

I moved into my new house a couple of weeks ago! Me and my DC are very, very happy.

On moving day my friends and family rallied together for me and fetched furniture, put it all together for me and filled my cupboards with food smile I walked around feeling like I was going to throw up. The day after I moved in I had a MASSIVE panic, thinking oh my god what have I done. I think I was quite hard nosed about everything so it was only afterwards that it really sunk in, what I had done.

My Mum talked me through it, and within a couple of days when I had had time to process what happened I felt great!

My ex has reverted back to type, which proves I made the right decision. He has tried everything to make me go back but I think has finally given up.

He cannot BELIEVE that I haven't turned up on his doorstep begging to go back, he is genuinely shocked.

I told the kids and they are fine.DD loves going to see Daddy at the weekends for a sleepover, DS is too young to understand really.

I am truly, honestly, the happiest I have ever been grin I don't have much money, but I don't care. I have no one to answer to, no one to criticise me at all.

The relationship I've got with my kids has drastically improved as I am so much more relaxed, not constantly stressing about the latest argument.

Only now that I'm out if that relationship can I see how truly unhappy I was, so depressed and snappy with the kids.

I want to thank every single person who replied to my thread for supporting me.

I have trouble explaining to people why I left him, as it was all such low-level bullshit over years and years. I recently read a post on the relationship board (I'm sorry I don't remember the posters name) they said that

Everybody has the right to not be in a relationship if they choose not to be

I'm not going to try and explain myself to people anymore, I don't need to justify it to anyone. I don't miss him at all.

melanie58 Fri 13-Dec-13 00:03:34

Congratulations. So glad it's worked out well for you - and it will continue to get better, I have no doubt. Well done.

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie Fri 13-Dec-13 00:30:46

I am so glad he didn't wear you down. Well done OP.

wordyBird Fri 13-Dec-13 00:35:09

What a wonderful update!
It's so good to hear that you feel the happiest you've ever been smile
You're right that you don't need to justify it to anyone. You were in the marriage, they weren't: only you know what it was like.
Bravo springtime. Here's to the future. wine

Itstartshere Fri 13-Dec-13 10:20:00

Good for you, a huge well done. Onwards and upwards, may you have lots of happy times in your house. And Merry Christmas.

What a manipulative, nasty arse your ex sounds.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now