Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

thank you Anyfucker - spot on

(95 Posts)
holstenlips Sun 20-Oct-13 19:01:22

Following my thread re my fiance sexting another woman. I told his mum who was very supportive of me.
Yesterday I found out shes said that because of my recent depression ive either made it all up or have totally overreacted.
Anyfucker warned me at that time to remember that blood is thicker than water. Well that is spot on. My x has also gone with her version of events. I felt so down about it yday. But then I remembered AF and her comment. Thank you.

Bogeyface Mon 21-Oct-13 02:07:56

Wow Holsten She sounds like the mother of a very ex BF of mine.

Daily Fail, stiff upper lip, what will the neighbours say, and yyy to him lying to her face in order to scrounge money (does anyone fall for the "I lost my wallet" routine once a month?!).

She actually told her own sister to "calm yourself down" at their fathers funeral because her sister was crying.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 21-Oct-13 05:46:17

They don't really blame your depression, you know? It's just something convenient that they can use as an excuse. That's how bullies operate i.e. pick on a real or imagined weakness and use that as the reason to treat someone badly.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 07:58:20

Bogey...shes given him £20K in two years !!
Im one of those people who finds it hard to sit on my hands and say nothing..but I will try
Thanks Cog yes my illness very convenient for them.
I need to keep away x

Boosterseattheballcleaner Mon 21-Oct-13 08:03:49

Morning Holsten, Cogito is spot on

They don't really blame your depression, you know? It's just something convenient that they can use as an excuse

You have conducted yourself in a manner which will have shattered all their misconceptions about depression. You aren’t crumbling or weak like they expected you to be and that is scary for them. Your depression hasn’t caused you to roll over and accept his shoddy behaviour, I specifically remember you using the word “empowered” which is bloody amazing for someone having to deal with that crap they are dishing out.


Wellwobbly Mon 21-Oct-13 08:12:30

Not one member of my soon to be ex in laws has contacted me since my husband and I split up - what Chub says.

I honestly do think, the more dysfunctional the family, the more they stick together. THEY KNOW and so go into self-protection.

People who are healthier are interested in higher concepts, like compassion, detachment and justice.

If my sons ever behave like their father did, they will get my instant lack of support, and a serious piece of my mind.
My daughters mustn't even begin to think about falling for a married man's self-serving BS. No neural networks must even start to fire acrossing their temptation path. If they do not instantly see him as the selfish whining user he actually is, then I haven't done my maternal job properly angry

Meerka Mon 21-Oct-13 13:52:17

holsten ... if your partner lies all the time to her and sponges 20k off her in 2 years ... umm, he's probably lied a lot to you too I'm afraid :/

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 14:32:10

Hi Meerka ..yeah I know. When confronted by me he deleted or 'amended' most of the messages etc.
His mum text me this morning to 'reassure' me that she would let it all lie now and no harm done (by me) errr what? I didnt bloody do anything.
So tempted to text back with the gory details

BOOsterseat Mon 21-Oct-13 14:36:06

You don't need to justify your position to her Holsten, his behaviour was unacceptable and you do not wish to continue the relationship.

I am fucking fuming for you though, let it lie - er no you're not a fucking doormat.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 14:38:59

Oh im fuming too Booster. Stupid condescending woman. Once hes used up all their savings perhaps she will feek differently. Its shit that I have to work with him.

LeGavrOrf Mon 21-Oct-13 14:42:06

Have you split up with him Holsten (sorry if you said this upthread). In any case don't feel you have to justify yourself to her at all. I wouldn't contact her again. Using your depression is a fucking low blow.

Chub I am so sorry you have had that to go through this year, I had no idea. I hope you're ok.

Yes, anyfucker is worth her weight in gold for the support she gives. And cogito is always wise and helpful as well.

BOOsterseat Mon 21-Oct-13 14:44:19

I cant even begin to imagine how shit that is, work can be a real sanctuary for some.

Do you have the opportunity to look for other career options? I'm not advocating running away but a fresh start might be just what you need?

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 14:45:40

Yes I split up with him . Sold my wedding dress within aweek . Its so hard to accept that im getting the blame. But as you say not much point in trying to justify myself.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 14:47:20

Work wise..I could look for something else but having just returned after severe depressive episode I am still finding my feet. I have reduced my hours though.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 14:47:59

Ive considered moving far far away too!!

BOOsterseat Mon 21-Oct-13 14:50:05

They probably thought your depression would make you easy to manipulate and coerce.

How fucking wrong were they?!

LeGavrOrf Mon 21-Oct-13 14:51:23

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this.

I think though that there is nothing you can say which will convince your ex's mother that he is at fault and not you. I think any text you send will be pored over to provide more 'proof' that your depression has been the cause of you splitting up. Don't give her the satisfaction. If I were you I would cut all contact with her tbh.

I am sorry you have to work with him. But take solace from the fact you have been strong enougn to break up with him rather than put up with his cheating ways. That is really brave in itself.

Sandshoes73 Mon 21-Oct-13 15:53:56

I have been having similar issues - my MIL hasn't contacted me in the 2 months we've been separated. Accidentally skyped me the other day and was vile - 'oh, I didn't mean to get you, I want to talk to fucknuckle and the kids', and hung up.
God knows what he has told her, but pretty obviously not the truth.
His father did the dirty on her when he was 2 months old and still in hospital, so she left her husband.
I don't know whether to tell her the truth, even the sordid parts or just let her be.
She has accused me in the past of having hormonal issues through breast feeding because I busted him having online affair.
Sorry to hijack thread.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 16:31:55

No worries Sand...sorry you've had similar treatment. Ive had a text from his mum!! Says how I had worried them to the point of not sleeping ...fucks sake. She cant direct her anger at the right person. Deleting her number.

LeGavrOrf Mon 21-Oct-13 17:02:11

Oh just ignore her. She is fishing for information to further discredit you, IMO. I know it must be tempting to reply but it would be far better to just leave her to stew.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 22:00:08

Luckily I dont leave near any of them x included. He was a cocklodger too..staying here rent free getting fed etc. I hate him right now.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Mon 21-Oct-13 22:07:05

Holsten I take it as a very good sign that you are getting angry rather than depressed and retreating further into your shell over this.

My DH and DM would always say "Well I guess someone is feeling better" when I would get all bitchy about something instead of collapsing in a puddle of anxiety and depression...

That imagery is not quite right but you get the idea.

holstenlips Mon 21-Oct-13 22:37:01

Thanks Hearts I dont feel depressed in the slightest which is good. I feel pretty strong, angry at the twunt and his mother.

ScaryFucker Mon 21-Oct-13 22:45:17

I see you thlsmile

God, what a stupid woman she is. There is something you can do, you know. Do nothing at all will really piss them off that you are not providing any ammunition for her to stir the cauldron with.

I hope work goes ok. You are proving yourself as a much better person than exP and his deluded witch of a mother.

ScaryFucker Mon 21-Oct-13 22:50:13

tingle I can tell you have been missing me. I made this little video just for you thlwink

Meerka Tue 22-Oct-13 09:15:10

silently supporting you holsten. thank god you're out.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now