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Outsider perspectives please?

(59 Posts)
duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 19:55:38


Have met guy OD, nice profile, upfront about kind of thing he's looking for which by happy coincidence is what I want too (no in your face, living in each other's pocket stuff but a ultimately a relationship with the right person).

Been out once, got on well, arranged to meet again this weekend. We don't live near each other (I like that) I'm going to his part of the world this time. So then I notice he phones more than I thought someone who is casually dating (at this stage) would do. Then he offers to put me up for the night this weekend hmm (in the spare room, all sounds quite ok) so we can do something on Sunday (is that too much time together for a second date or is it me). Then tonight he phones 3 times in the space of an hour. I phone him back when I finish what I'm doing (because I have a life) and he tells me about his divorce and by the way he's a bankrupt. And his barrister was a "feminist bitch" shock (which he then apologises for saying).

I've told him I'm not staying the night because I don't know him and it's far too soon for that, innocent or not. He's cool.

So - I should be mildly/somewhat/very cautious. At the very least I'm disappointed he used such disparaging language about a woman, and I'm hmm that he's a bankrupt by choice but is solvent now.

Leverette Thu 17-Oct-13 20:00:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Oct-13 20:00:54

I would be walking steadily in the other direction. Not simply for the 'feminist bitch' remark, which is appalling, but because he's dumping a lot of personal stuff on you far too early and he's crowding you with the phone-calls and invitations to stay over. There's enthusiasm and then there's being pushy....

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 20:02:04

Don't be cautious, be completely forward in running away as fast as you can.

kotinka Thu 17-Oct-13 20:03:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyGrotter Thu 17-Oct-13 20:04:04

Run and don't look back...several red flags here

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:05:36

Oh and I forgot. I go to a womens' group every week. He asked if there would be any men there.

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:06:38

<going off to find my running shoes now>

feelingvunerable Thu 17-Oct-13 20:07:25

At least you have found out early on.

The remark about his solicitor is bad enough, never mind the other stuff.

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:08:12

Shit fuck bollocks. He had an affair after his ex DW had one (with his uncle apparently).

Massive red flags. He's as nice as pie when I talk to him (except when he's telling me who he is - ffs).

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:09:36

It's all fitting together now.

29chapel Thu 17-Oct-13 20:09:37


CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Oct-13 20:10:25

You could keep him on for entertainment value... hmm Not for actual dates or visits or anything, of course. Whole novel worth of material there.

overmydeadbody Thu 17-Oct-13 20:10:55

I hope you are making alternative plans for this weekend!

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 20:15:57

Look on the bright side - least it shows your twat radar is fully functioning. grin

Lavenderhoney Thu 17-Oct-13 20:17:52

I think I certainly wouldn't go anywhere near his house for a start!

All that stuff is too soon, I would make my excuses and say as my df always said " don't call me, I'll call you" and don't

What a pity, still lucky he told you now. Any other plans for the weekend? He wont turn up will he?

Preciousbane Thu 17-Oct-13 20:18:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WherewasHonahLee Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:16

Count yourself lucky that this stuff emerged now.

Leave well alone.

dingledongle Thu 17-Oct-13 20:29:07

Trust your judgement (and everyone else on here!).

The fact you have posted on here suggests you know there are issues.

Don't meet for the entertainment value he could be a stalker or obsessive person, certainly sounding like that from what he has already told you.......

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:35:40

I've made alternative plans already, I haven't sent him the 'you've been binned' text yet.

i don't think he'll turn up, he doesn't know my area at all and when he dropped me off it was pissing down with rain and very dark.

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:37:42

Yes, obsessive is what I felt - everything has to be 'in ordered lines' at his place. Fuck he's given me so much information about himself in the space of less than a week!!!!

Lavenderhoney Thu 17-Oct-13 20:41:20

Perhaps you could include in your text that you have decided to give it a go with your ex, a policeman who is into cage fighting.

duffbeergoggles Thu 17-Oct-13 20:44:50

grin but i think i may have had a lucky escape. but now I'm a bit worried in case he does turn up.

yeghoulsandlittledevils Thu 17-Oct-13 21:40:56

Red flags running up the flag pole,

and then He asked if there would be any men there. bunting all around with RUN spelled out over and over. (If I knew how to adapt the cunt bunting, I would).

Far, far too many needy phone calls.

Pushing you to stay overnight already? No he just wants a shag out of this, and that's what he meant by 'not living in each other's pockets' and he might well have other relationships on the go as well. yes, too much time to spend together on first date. Men who are trying to build towards anything worthwhile like you to retain an air of mystery - on your terms, not theirs.

He calls his own barrister a feminist bitch? What kind of a person hires a barrister he then doesn't trust, what kind of man has that low a view of feminists and what kind of man would use a word like bitch to someone even before the first date? (Assuming you haven't both been swearing like navvies on the first date.)

Mentioning bankruptcy? No, far too soon to go there! Is he just trying to get you to pay for the date?

You have a life. It sounds as if it is far better without this knob being involved in it.

yeghoulsandlittledevils Thu 17-Oct-13 21:42:32

Oh, ever late posting, me. Sorry!

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