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what do u make of this text exchange?

(83 Posts)
rarerabbitt Wed 16-Oct-13 11:09:03

basically i accidentally stumbled on a text conversation when dps phone rang and it rang off back to the text page

a lot of texts from a womans name ive never heard of lets call her A

DP - what happened with u and x(male collegue)
A - nothing he just got cuddles like you smile
DP - well i think more happened with X
A- maybe ill propose u can be a bridesmaid
DP - great ill send u my dress size

a couple of days later

is B (another female name ) helping this week?
A - hope not shes useless theres a few people thatd like to slap her
DP you would definatly win in a fight when are you back? your much better looking
A not sure
dp - i need the eye candy

next day

DP any more news on u and X?
A no
DP does that mean im in with a chance?
A - no im staying away from boys
DP im going to jump of the nearest bridge then

later that evening when he was out at the pub

a pic of him and a male collegue
A - i miss my pals
DP we miss u too

what do you make of this i havent said anything yet but hes never mentioned this woman to me so i find it al a bit odd and upsetting i dont want him to think im snooping.

been together 9 years 2 dc and i thought we were happy enough sad

hellsbellsmelons Wed 16-Oct-13 11:13:07

It sounds like flirting to me.
Doesn't sound like anything has happened though.
Nip it in the bud right now!
Have a sit down and discuss why he feels the need to flirt with other women. Stay silent and see what he has to say.
It does seem quite harmless right now so keep it that way.

holstenlips Wed 16-Oct-13 11:15:04

Im sorry I won't be much help but I have been through similar recently with my fiance.
I couldn't live with the fact that he was trying to "cop off" with another woman although he said it was harmless flirting and so did she (I text her too)
It really hurts.
You need to confront him I think. See what his reaction is?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 16-Oct-13 11:15:46

What is he 17 years old? hmm He needs to grow up. It's a fairly flirty conversation, it's pretty pathetic and I'd tell him exactly what you'd read and ask who all these people are and what they're 'helping' with. Helping at the pub, perhaps? Is 'A' a barmaid?

Cat98 Wed 16-Oct-13 11:16:33

I would be very upset. It's really disrespectful to you, asking if he's 'in with a chance' with another woman, whether joking or not its horrible.

squeaver Wed 16-Oct-13 11:16:35

I agree. I don't think he's up to anything but he clearly fancies this woman. She's not doing much to discourage it but he's making all the running.

He's really being a bit of a twat. Don't really have any advice on how to handle it, I'm afraid, but I'm sure many others will.

GrannyBubble Wed 16-Oct-13 11:16:46

It could be just a bit of harmless flirting or it could mean something more than that, either way I wouldn't be happy.

If it was me I would confront him, tell him you accidently stumbled on the messages and ask him for an explanation.

Good luck, I hope it is just harmless flirting and nothing worse.

squeaver Wed 16-Oct-13 11:17:55

Actually, reading it again, I think he's being a pest and she's trying to swat him away.

learnasyougo Wed 16-Oct-13 11:18:02

My take: he isn't sleeping with her, but he likes to think he's on with a chance.

He's making a tit of himself, she isn't keen on him. Snooping or no, I'd have a word.

H2Ointolerant Wed 16-Oct-13 11:18:27

Flirting yes, but he's pursuing and she's deflecting him (at the moment) but enjoying it.

Would be a big fat NOT COOL from me if it were my DP/DH.

He'll probably trot out the 'just mates, one of the lads' bollocks, but it reads that he'd be in there given half a chance.

I'd be spitting chips. Sorry you're going through this.

givemeaboost Wed 16-Oct-13 11:22:34

Id be furious tbh, he clearly fancies her and thinks hes in with a chance- for that alone id go mad. Not sure what you do after confronting him- he will obviously deny it and say you are taking his words out of context or some shit....then what?

personally I would continue to observe/check his txts and see how far he takes it, after all it sounds like he jump at the chance if she was offering, sorrysad.

rarerabitt Wed 16-Oct-13 11:24:48

no no ones a barmaid sorry if that bit was confusing

they all work for the same organisation but diffrent branches so they dont know each other well as theres a geographic spread but they possibly have met before

last week (the week in question) they were all away from home in the same place

he added a girl of the same name on facebook last week

i dont want to do anything in haste so im gathering myself to confront him in the right way all your takes are helpful!

willyoulistentome Wed 16-Oct-13 11:26:34

Oh Dear!!!

rarerabitt Wed 16-Oct-13 11:27:23

yes that was my thoughts givemeaboost

im not the paranoid type and haven't ever done (or thought id needed to) the checking phone thing

holstenlips Wed 16-Oct-13 11:27:53

How is your relationship generally? Does he have any form for this? I ask because my fiance had been married twice and had been u faithful twice. Starting both times with emailing women. It made me realise it was "him" and that I couldn't change that.

tingle1 Wed 16-Oct-13 11:28:11

Your being far too precious, its work banter.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 16-Oct-13 11:28:48

Oh dear, indeed. I think 'haste' (speed) is required here. He's clearly trying to prepare the ground for the next trip away and hoping she'll weaken. Pathetic...

Owllady Wed 16-Oct-13 11:29:17

My 12 yr texts one his girl friends like that, but I forgive him because he is 12 (and so is she)

holstenlips Wed 16-Oct-13 11:30:10

Given my fiances texts were more sexual. But still, not harmless because now your relationship is underminedin my oopinion.

rarerabitt Wed 16-Oct-13 11:30:57

i thought it was good generally we have been together since a young age.

i dont know about form as i say ive not checked anything all these texts had lots of xxx at the end which isn't like him either

rarerabitt Wed 16-Oct-13 11:31:45

hes 29 ...

TobyLerone Wed 16-Oct-13 11:32:07

She doesn't sound interested at all.

The only part of this which would bother me is the part where he asks if he's in with a chance.

GobblersKnob Wed 16-Oct-13 11:33:21

Just sounds like banter to me.

oscarwilde Wed 16-Oct-13 11:33:59

He's being very flirty, and is heading towards an emotional affair in my view. She's enjoying the attention but doesn't sound like she is that interested and I'd agree with H2O and Learnasyougo. He's making a fool of himself or is well on the way to doing so.
I'd take photos of the messages, keep an eye for a bit and then read the riot act.
Or you could make friends with her on Facebook / tag photos of him and yourself so that you and the kids are regularly popping up on his feed and she can clearly see that he's married with kids and is being an arse.

nipersvest Wed 16-Oct-13 11:34:29

tingle - what kind of environment do you work with if that's just normal work banter in your view?!

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