Ok, so a bit of background first. Mum was an abusive narcissist who has enjoyed making much of my earlier life a misery. I went NC with her in May this year.
Also, i was with an abusive, alcoholic who used to threaten/ hurt me when had too many drinks. I left him 10 years ago and am now married to a much nicer man. My husband is a kind-hearted man, but can also be inattentive/ absorbed in his own world at times. We do argue sometimes, although not really over the last year.
I tend to get on well with others, but have always found it almost impossible to have friendships. I know i have issues with insecurity/ anxiety/ trust/ overdependence on others etc, and have had seen two different counsellors over the years, which seemed to help with some of the above.
Anyway, i feel devastated by anything which i perceive as a disappointment/ when people inevitably show that they are not perfect etc. often that is some minor error by my husband, which leads to me becoming very angry, screaming and ranting.
Latest thing that i have overreacted to involves my MIL. We get along great and i love her, we have just got back from a weeks break, just the two of us, which was amazing and we often meet up socially. While on holiday, she quizzed me on my feelings about another relative, with whom my husband and i had a big quarrel 4 years ago. The quarrel got out of hand very quickly, through other people interferring, including MIL. She seemed to use the whole thing as a platform for her to barrage this other relative with her own resentments from years ago (not like MIL at all!)
Anyway, since then, everyone else has been getting along really well, and beyond the initial disagreement, i have never had any bad feeling for this person and told MIL that. Since then MIL ha also quizzed my husband about his own and my feelings about this person and seems desperate for us to make amends (tho we get along ok, but just never really have much to say and hardly see each other anyway).
Since then, i have spent most of two days in tears and feel extremely hurt. I feel that MIL does not know me at all if she thinks i could hold a grudge all this time, and also she clearly didnt believe me as she asked my husband about our feelings, after i had already told her. Also, feel like it is always my husband and i that are expected to 'fix' things, even if others have been in the wrong. My mum used to do this and we would have to completely tow the line, incase we should upset my mum, even tho it was her that spent her life bullying myself, dad, siblings, and anyone else that didnt play by her rules. Obviously, not the same with MIL but this silly quarrel four years previous, was actually started by the other person, we then said we were unhappy with how we had been treated, then MIL made it much worse, by turning against other person. Nobody has actually had a row this time, but i feel upset and let down again. Part of me feels i should distance myself from MIL as i am hurt by her pushing us/ not hearing what we say, but she is a good person and i enjoy her company.
What is wrong with me? I know i shouldn't have spent two days in tears over this? What can i do to sort this, and stop being so insecure/ oversensitive with everyone i love? Am i really so broken from abuse before that i can never be 'normal'?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What is wrong with me, and how would you deal with this?
7 replies
MillyMollyMandy78 · 15/10/2013 22:54
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.