Just found out for the umpteenth time that H is having phone/text/email sex with not one but 3 women (that I know of, and no idea if he's having a physical affair). We've been together for 10 years, married for nearly 8 and have 2 DC aged 4 and 6.
I'm so ashamed and angry with myself for not walking away years ago. How have I let it come to this? He'd left his phone unlocked in the kitchen and i walked in and saw he had a fb message from a mini-skirted woman. I knew what I was going to find but was shocked to find 3 message streams going on, all in the same vein. This was while he was looking after DC's, shopping and getting dinner ready - who says men can't multitask!
I made him go upstairs away from the DC and confronted him. I thought I was calm but I completely lost it. I've never felt rage like it in my life - I threw the phone at him and just exploded. My hand was bleeding afterwards from hitting him. I'm not proud of this.
It hit me like a brick in the face yesterday that he's never going to change.
It's happened before we were married, when I was pregnant, at Christmas, on holidays - nothing is sacred. It's like some sort of sick addiction. He's always desperately sorry but somehow it always spins round into some blame on my part for not being the perfect attentive wife.
I'm grieving for my dad, he died a month ago from cancer. I dont know if I can do this too. He says he'll do anything to make it right but I can't let myself believe it any more. I'm sick of having the same conversation. I'm so fucking angry that it has to be me who says No More.
I'm so tired. H is downstairs snoring on blowup bed and I'm up here crying thinking about my stupid choices and what a life I've made for my DC.
I think I just needed to say all of this. I'll need to tell people soon. I'm also panicking about ending it and terrified about the future. I'm totally dependent financially. Bloody hell
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Persistent betrayals - I'm such an idiot
LadySybilPussPolham · 15/10/2013 01:22
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.