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Sorry fb issue

(64 Posts)
Flojobunny Sat 12-Oct-13 17:44:53

Would you be annoyed if someone you really liked contacted your closest friend on fb? Even if it was to plan a surprise.

Spelt Sun 13-Oct-13 00:04:48

I would keep it breezy with your kids - it really shouldn't be that big a deal. He's not massively let them down, he's not their dad. They will only be really upset if they sense that you are.

Strumpetron Sun 13-Oct-13 00:20:18

I wouldn't want someone I've only been dating a couple of months to message my friends.

Flojobunny Sun 13-Oct-13 00:22:11

Well it doesn't matter now. Its over. I guess I was wrong to send the message and he was wrong to go off on one and use it as an excuse to dump me.

Strumpetron Sun 13-Oct-13 00:26:39

He was indeed, you didn't realise it'd create such a back lash, it was an innocent gesture on your part. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out.

TheSeaPriestess Sun 13-Oct-13 00:40:04

You've dodged a bullet there OP!

PerpendicularVince Sun 13-Oct-13 01:48:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55 Sun 13-Oct-13 02:09:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy Sun 13-Oct-13 09:13:09

You were not wrong to send that message.

You were perhaps ill-advised though to have allowed him anywhere near your DC until you knew him better, but you wanted to trust him, I do honestly get that.

A man effectively forcing himself into your life by telling you he loves you too early on is doing so for a reason. He's using smoke and mirrors to get to you, because the 'real' him isn't good enough for you to fall in love with if he were to manage the relationship normally.

He's insecure, has a massive inferiority complex, a deep mistrust/hatred of women, and would be abusive.

He flipped over your attempt to do something nice, because he can't handle people being nice. People who react like this are sickeningly damaged, and seriously self loathing.

That loathing is what he'd turn on you and your kids in time.

You trusted the wrong man, he conned you, he had to, because he's a terrible man.

Tell your kids that something's come up, and go and do something ELSE just you and them (different place too, or he might crash it)

Have your previous relationships been abusive too?

If so, you need the Freedom Programme pronto, no more dating until you've done it. Learn what the signs are, the acts of abusers, and hold yourself back a bit. It's an act of self love to make sure someone is ok, and actually to demand that they are good enough for you, and good enough for your DC.

Don't settle for scraps.

ALittleStranger Sun 13-Oct-13 09:28:16

His reaction was extreme and there are a number of other red flags.

But I would be mad if a BF of two months started organising a secret party for me. This doesn't mean that I am "sickeningly damanged and seriously self-loating".

PumpkinsPieEyed Sun 13-Oct-13 09:28:54

He over reacted big time,it looks like he's dumped you but it looks like he did you a favour and it's only been a couple months so not much has been invested here.

If he comes back on the scene and makes out your wrong then don't have him back I wouldn't have him back for sulking alone ,he is big trouble and not worth it for you and your dc.

Squeegle Sun 13-Oct-13 10:40:09

I couldn't agree more with those who say you've had a lucky escape. Whether you did something he liked or not you did it with the best of intentions.

Therefore his anger is completely unwarranted and not reasonable. You don't need someone like this in your life. (I speak from experience! Anger like this is awful to live with, please stay away and don't feel you did anything wrong)

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 13-Oct-13 10:41:51

Is this a different bloke from before? You don't have much luck Flojo sad

AngeleDei Sun 13-Oct-13 10:50:03

I think what you tried to plan was a nice thing myself. For him to get angry about it and then childishly delete you from FB shows he has issues... that you really don't want to be part of.

Meerka Sun 13-Oct-13 11:18:02

If he didnt like it, all he needed to say was "i'd rather you hadn't done it, but I realise you meant it well. Next time, can we avoid the surprise party?" No real need to get angry.

I think he has issues too.

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