Am I being delusional here!

[Twiggy71]

Hi there...I hope someone can help me get my head around this.

I have two dc one of 15 the other 19 though still in full time education.
Ex has always been good at paying his maintenance although late on occasions which I was fine with as long as i knew it was coming.

Though I was told/warned by him at the beginning when we separated that as he is self employed if i wanted to go through the csa I was welcome to (I know for a fact he never puts through his true income).

Well to get to the point of the story as we are in the tenth month of the year he has only paid maintenance once when I told him repeatedly that we needed oil and were bloody freezing.
Oh forgot to mention that due to the nature of my job i don't work the summer so he knows i need the help. He is "supposedly waiting on a tax rebate" and he isn't getting money paid to him for the jobs he's been doing..
He usually helps with my dd's uniform etc and did i mention that he has had two holidays to America this year though he took the children separately one snow boarding and the other to Disney. I haven't had/afforded a holiday in for years. The stopping paying maintenance has co-incided with him being in a new relationship.
My dsis says the bigger amount that he owes me the less chance i will ever see any money..

I need to get things sorted out now as I'm broke and I won't be putting up with him being the Disney dad at xmas with the big flashy presents while i do all the work. He also lives an hour away and I have raised my dc on my own for the last five years he never wanted to know if i needed help with them.

Has anyone had any experience similar to mine?
Thanks for reading this far if you have...E

[Sleepyhoglet]

Yeah. Sounds like a bit of a coincidence. I don't have any suggestions though. Perhaps you tell him the children need to live with him full time for a few months as you can't afford to look after them....? I'm sure that sort of responsibility would get his arse I. Gear.

[Mosman]

I'd threaten to go to the CSA and tell him of he wants to pay that game you'll be phoning the inland revenue with evidence if a lifestyle that isn't supported by the amount he claims to earn on his tax return.
Watch him shit himself. They can't get away with all that nonsense any more.

[Twiggy71]

Thanks Sleepy and Mosman I am angry with myself for putting up with and I even had to listen to phonecalls from him complaining about not being paid and having no money until i put an end to them.

I just looked up my financial agreement there (I had to get one done so as i could take on a mortgage on my own). and it says that we both agreed to him paying x amount until each child ceases full time education.

God but i need to grow some balls!!

[Twiggy71]

Oh and the thing that really made me question things is the children coming back from his saying he has bought x y and z....

[Mosman]

It's a control thing ... My dad did exactly the same to my mum ... He would spend his money on things he deemed fit not what we needed or the basics ... So he wanted to take us swimming one weekend, he'd buy a swimming costume which no doubt we already had at home but now because he has paid for that he's supported his kids WTF ?
I don't care if you wipe your arse with his maintaince you damned well get it paid to you.

[Twiggy71]

He has always been very controlling even nearly five years on from separating and nearly divorced he would still run our lives if he could get away with it.

Thanks for your help Mosman...