Is this normal - police officer texting me

[Whatnext074]

Most of you know my situation with my H leaving 4 weeks ago as he's having an affair with a woman at work - and I'm struggling, really struggling.

A week after he left, something was stolen in my garden, this has happened before but now I'm on my own, I feel especially vulnerable. I encountered a violent robbery by 5 men when I was pregnant and I still get nightmares.

I called the police and a PCSO came to see me, gave me advice on how I can secure the house etc and gave me his work mobile number. He said to call or text him whenever I heard a noise or just felt something wasn't right. He insisted, anytime and he or someone else would be out in minutes. I felt safe and thought he was very kind.

About 30 minutes after he left, he text me to remind him to contact him for anything. A week later, he text me again asking how I was etc etc. There were about 5 texts. I thanked him for remembering me and he said he always remembers the nice people.

I felt like I had my own personal security guard and felt he was being so kind - still do. Made me smile for first time in months. It doesn't hurt to let the police know that I'm on my own either.

I told my DB how nice he'd been and checking up on me and my DB said I need to be careful, that I am vulnerable and it's not normal procedure for him to do that. I think my DB is just being protective, I think this guy just takes pride in his work and has a caring attitude - he's very young too and probably is keen to do his job to the best he can.

It's been playing on my mind since with what my DB said. What do you think? Is it normal?

[nomorecrumbs]

Wow. I bet this is more than the job requires! I reported something to the local police station once and got one, very robotic, follow-up text.

[Tiredemma]

It's quite inappropriate. "Always remembers nice people"?????

[LordEmsworth]

Not normal. Not appropriate either.

[TheFabulousIdiot]

Inappropriate IMO but perhaps just ignore and see what happens. If it does worry you then report it. I believe it's not something they expect police officers to be doing.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Not round here it isn't!!!!!!! Think he's being unprofessional and hoping to get you 'chatting' via text. Your DB is right. Think about it, when have you ever heard of police following up a relatively minor incident in this way??

It does happen. A friend sadly has a member if her family murdered. Her mother in law got it together with the family liaison police officer!!! A total no no but it happened!!!

[AnonymousNameChange]

It's inappropriate but could be explained away as over-zealousness. Keep an eye on the situation though - some police officers do target vulnerable women.

[Whatnext074]

Oh. I'm not used to this having been with my H for 11 years.

My DB said he doesn't want to scare me but as he's a man, he knows the way men think - regardless of their job.

[Yseulte]

Be careful as there have been a few cases in the press recently of police officers who took advantage of vulnerable women.

However, to give him the benefit of the doubt, if he's really young he may just be very keen and eager to do a good job.

[Charbon]

No this isn't usual police procedure at all. And there have been far more disciplinary cases involving PCSOs overstepping boundaries like this than attested, fully-trained police officers.

If he texts you again, I'd advise an 'innocent' enquiry of your local community safety team, ask to speak to a Detective Sergeant or Detective Inspector and explain what's been happening. Say that although you've been grateful for his personal concern, you thought you should check whether this is normal police procedure as others have suggested there might be more sinister motives at play. If he calls around in the meantime, don't let him in.

I assure you after you've let a police officer in charge of that unit know, you will not be contacted again by this PCSO.

[Whatnext074]

I must admit, I did think there would be more people saying that I had nothing to worry about. I feel a bit naïve now after being with my H for so long. A wedding ring tends to stop people being inappropriate - well for most people anyway.

[OlympicSleepingChampion]

No definitely not normal but can't say I'm surprised. A few years back - when I was young, slim, blonde and pretty - I had a job where I had to regularly liaise with the police.

It is very depressing to say that about 80% of the officers I worked with asked me out. They obviously thought that their wedding rings were invisible and that my engagement ring meant nothing. I got very practised at turning them down politely which just got more and more akward making me fairly pissed off. My boss thought it was fucking hilarious which pissed me off even more.

I am sure that there must be lots of lovely, faithful policemen - and women - but I sure as hell wouldn't trust one based on my experiences.

[Cosydressinggown]

I think he sounds sweet and is just being nice.

[Whatnext074]

Thank you Cosydressinggown - I thought that too before my DB said what he did. I'm sure he's just being kind.

I do think I need to learn to have my wits about me again though. I always see the good in people and did put myself in some tricky situations before I met my H through trusting people too much.

I'll see if there are anymore texts and if I feel it's getting uncomfortable then I'll take action.

[OlympicSleepingChampion]

He might well sound sweet and be just being nice but him contacting you like this is a sackable offence. He is supposed to keep a professional distance from people he has dealings with. This is not it.

Never mind anymore texts and if they get uncomfortable. He has already well and truly overstepped every professional boundary. Perhaps if you remind him of that he might just disappear before you need to report him.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Even if he is just a well-meaning twit, it's inappropriate. Also, it's clearly unsettling you. Charbon's advice is very good - make other people aware of what's going on. There is a small number of police officers who behave like this - they are very hung up on an image of themselves as 'heroes' and 'nice guys' and what they want is to have the unquestioning adoration of vulnerable women who will lick their truncheons for them.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Oh, just to add: there are going to be times when a police officer and a crime victim experience a mutual attraction and might well end up having an enjoyable relationship. But the fact that the OP is uneasy and not responding to the texts but they keep coming suggests that this particular Dibble is either clueless or creepy.

[dobedobedo]

I used to get texts from a police officer after we called them about our druggie ex neighbours making life hell. It was the main way we communicated as lots of follow up had to be done. Dh got texts too, and it didn't seem untoward at all. Just very 21st century. Be wary, but don't panic about it yet!

[mum11970]

What kind of area do you live in? I live in an area of two villages and this wouldn't be unusual in this area. Our local pcso is known by all residents (is frequent visitor of local primary schools, so even the children know her by name). I would assume the pcso is aware of your past experiences and is just trying to reassure you that they are always there if needed.

[mum11970]

'They're, not there'. I read it that you weren't uneasy with this communication until your db put the thought in to your head that something may be untoward. Don't worry, just reply if necessary but don't worry unnecessarily.

[Whatnext074]

I live in a reasonable sized town but his 'patch' is the area I live in.

I didn't feel uncomfortable with his texts, it was more checking up on me but every time I text back "thanks", he replied again with another text. Maybe he was bored or maybe he was just being genuine. It's only when my DB said it's not normal that I started to question it myself.

[Leavenheath]

Tbh, if this was an actual police officer, I'd think it was odd and that there were spurious motives, but I wouldn't feel as unsettled as I know I would be in your shoes. Because remember, this bloke is not a police officer at all and it seems a bit unfair (but probably understandable from a victim's view) that all police employees are the seen as 'the police' whoever they are.

But they aren't. PCSOs have different employment status, a different discipline code, they don't have to pass examinations or undergo long training periods AFAIK and it's a bit like comparing a paramedic with a doctor, or a paralegal with a qualified lawyer.

I can understand why it might just look as though he's 'going the extra mile' but I somehow doubt he'd be this zealous and dedicated if you weren't fanciable, or if you were a bloke who felt just as scared and vulnerable.

Look at this rationally as well. He doesn't work 24 hours a day 7 days a week so suggesting you text him if you so much as hear a noise is terrible advice when you'd be better off ringing the emergency number so officers nearer by and on duty could come. And of course getting some decent crime prevention advice about securing your garden against the risk of intruders getting in.

This is why I agree you should tell the real police about it. The advice this bloke gave you would have left you more vulnerable and at risk of harm if you took it. His bosses need to know that members of the public are being misled in this way by their employees, because apart from the safety risk if this bloke has got nefarious motives (and I bet this has happened to other women) at the very least he's giving out advice that is crap and positively dangerous.

[GaryBuseysTeeth]

If it's his work phone number it SHOULD be a team phone. Have you tried ringing it at different times to see if someone else answers? Chances ate whoever is stuck with the phone has a list of people to check in on, i worked a largesish area and there were four of us who has roughly 6/7 people we had to contact weekly for welfare checks.

It is common for a team to recommend that a member of public contact them, over the usual 999/into the station as it's drilled into you to be a visable commuity presence and to be approachable.

If you feel uncomfortable about it, an email to his office sayig you'd rather be contacted by email or on the phone would be picked up by his line manager and the team mailbox so if there's anything untoward about his contact you're making others aware without an alligation, iyswim?

Sorry for spelling mistakes, feeding baby n typing with one finger.

[CharityFunDay]

If you feel uncomfortable about it, an email to his office sayig you'd rather be contacted by email or on the phone would be picked up by his line manager and the team mailbox so if there's anything untoward about his contact you're making others aware without an alligation, iyswim?

That's a very sophisticated and well-thought-out suggestion.

Definitely not normal to get follow-up personal texts from a PCSO but he could just be a bit overenthusiastic. Particularly if he's new.

[GaryBuseysTeeth]

*6/7 ppl EACH, anything from lady constantly reporting the 'yoot' upto no good, to a person who was a victim of crime ages ago and still didnt feel comfortable, a manager of a coffee shop where bags were stolen from often or an older vunerable person with no support (just examples).

I dont know your other thread but based on what u have writteb here; vunerable, victim of lower level crume anxious about previous crime would mean you're the sort of person he would be encouraged to check up on.

Most 'team' phones would be watched over by some other team (or they're one of the teams doing 24/7 work now) so if someone text 'Help, I'm being attacked' its not ignored (mostly arsecovering on the polices part)!

[ForTheLoveOfSocks]

I would be cautious, however if you were attacked by 5 men, esp while pg maybe he is looking out for you and wants to make sure your ok?

He will be aware that whatever he sends is documented, so I would give him the benefit of doubt.