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Defining moment that you realised your relationship was over

(185 Posts)
Faffalina Fri 11-Oct-13 16:09:14

As it sounds, really. Not sure if this has been done already but was there something your partner did / said that made you realise it would have to end?

amyjowebb Tue 15-Oct-13 20:25:46

I've never posted before but I just wanted to say how bloody brave you are. ..... don't ever go back. You will be fine I'm sure of it. Don't give up. Be strong xx

amyjowebb Tue 15-Oct-13 20:28:28

Oops I wanted to post that to nickysmam sorry.

Sidge Tue 15-Oct-13 21:09:30

When I met one of my best friends for coffee on her birthday and spent an hour crying uncontrollably when she asked if I was ok.

I remember sobbing and telling her I never knew one could be married but feel so lonely.

We then went on a family holiday and I realised at the end of the week that the only time he had touched me was when I asked him to put suncream on my back.

I uncovered his affair within a week of getting back and kicked him out. It was horrendous but as soon as he left I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

LalaDipsey Tue 15-Oct-13 21:11:57

I want to read them all and will but for me, a few things,
I) bf baby dd before bed, crying, hearing him drunkenly crash around and swear downstairs promising her I WOULD NOT let her grow up with that,
2) H telling me and dd to fuck off when we'd spent hours baking his birthday cake and then he broke a glass, placed it in the bin without wrapping it and without telling me so when I changed then in it ripped my leg.
3) shaking 10 week old DTS saying 'shut the fuck up you little fuckwit
I knew I knew it was over but when I poured my heart out asking him to change and to stop drinking and he said he wouldn't and I said 'what if that's not enough' and he said 'well that's up to you then'. And it was. It took almost another 12 months until he moved out but oh my goodness I am glad we're over

BoxHillBessy Tue 15-Oct-13 21:26:26

When I was having my first miscarriage six weeks before our wedding and he had to go on a paragliding course because he'd booked it.
Five miscarriages, two ectopics and three sessions in intensive care later, the day he gave me the ivf clinic brochure- I'd been told three months before no more pregnancies as they might not save me next time. He thought I should keep trying...he didn't speak to me again after I said no. Took him another nine months to leave me.

OlympicSleepingChampion Tue 15-Oct-13 21:29:03

noNickname check out the original Cutting Crew song. So much better than the meaningless gangster rap shite that Eminem has added in. It's a great song in it's own right.

So many of you have put up with so much shite. And although I am tempted to say that I am lucky that DP has never been abusive in any way shape or form I realise that it should not be down to luck. That should be the norm and it clearly isn't.

TerrorTremor Tue 15-Oct-13 21:43:23

Some real vile ex partners on this thread.

Luckily I'm in a great relationship now but these are from past relationships.

My first ex was because he was quite nasty to me on and off from the start, just like my second ex really. However, what made me break up with him was when he told me his Grandfather had died when he hadn't, just to go out with his friends. I actually phoned up his Dad (who hated me, because his son and made up lies about me and didn't like I was 3 years younger) and told him about it. He was furious. Then partner phoned e 15 minutes later furious. I said he was dumped and that was it. Ironically about 3 years later his grandfather DID pass away and although I wasn't friends with him, I was on the phone for support.

My second ex was like my first as in was sexually and verbally aggressive but he took it more to eleven. I knew I couldn't be with him any more though after I found inappropriate pictures on his computer and when I confronted him he threatened to kill us both if I left the place. He got ill and had a mini seizure thing so helped him a few weeks later but, about a month after I went home to my parents and got rid of him because he was vile.

Now with current partner and luckily he is nothing like either of the other two. smile

worriedmum28 Tue 15-Oct-13 22:28:28

Yes M0reC0ffee they treat you like an enemy as if you'd been the one to hurt them! I went thru weeks of thinking 'if only I'd given him some space, he wouldn't of finished with me' till I got thinking it was the same as saying 'if only I'd given him some space he wouldn't of beaten me black and blue'. Everyone thinks he is a kind, lovely, funny man and I want to tell them he's not. I am an intelligent, professional, kind hearted woman, wouldn't hurt anyone and I am humiliated with myself for putting up with his abuse for 5 years!

FolkGirl Wed 16-Oct-13 08:19:59

When I look back I realise it was over when

He refused to tell me anything about the birth of my own daughter (I was really out of it). I didn't bond with her for a couple of years as a result and he blamed me for that too.

He called me a "fucking cunt" because same daughter didn't quite make it to the toilet in time when she had just toilet trained and wet herself. She was naturally very upset, I reassured her and dealt with it, he raged around the house about how I should have taken her to the toilet and not let her go on her own and I was a shit mother and didn't care about her.

He punched the wall next to me and told me I was lucky because most men would have punched me in the face.

I locked myself in the bathroom to get away from him and he kicked the door in.

I had no idea how much money he earned because it was none of my business and he used our joint account as his personal slush fund, ran up several thousand pounds in debts...

On reflection there were many, many times over the years when I did what so many other women have done - minimised the bad and maximised the good. It took for me to find out he was having an affair to finally end it.

He's still threatening me now. He makes comments to my son (told me this morning) about how it upsets him to think of him "living like this" (he means with me, in a rented house, with my slightly shabby 'eclectic' furniture, rather than with him and his new girlfriend (the OW) in her luxury apartment). He's already threatened me with SS and said that they would favour him over me because he's in a stable relationship and I'm not; and he has a large family/support network and I don't; and he earns more than me.

The signs were there from the start, but then my parents believed that a woman is irrelevant unless in a relationship and told me I was lucky that he'd have me and so I should stay with him. I thought if I just put up and shut up and pretended it wasn't happening, then it didn't matter.

FolkGirl Wed 16-Oct-13 08:22:13

I wish I didn't need the maintenance. That's the latest threat. I wish I didn't need it then I wouldn't have to keep him sweet.

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