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Help! Mum at the school harrassing me. What can I do about it?(30 Posts)
I will try to keep this as brief as possible and sorry but this will be fairly vague in case she comes on MN.
My DS started school last month. He made a best friend almost instantly and I chatted to the mum a few times at pick up. She kept wanting to meet up and was very pushy, but she constantly said negative things about people and I really had a hunch that I didn't want to get closer to her at all, plus I work virtually full time so I just haven't got time to spend with people I don't particularly want to spend it with. I was always polite to her, and chatty, but also know lots of other mums as I have another child who is two years older at the school, and sometimes chatted with them, too.
About a week ago the mum of DS's best friend suddenly phoned me up out of the blue, very angrily and aggressively, saying I had been talking about her to people. I absolutely, categorically have not discussed her with anyone at all. I was quite upset and said to her that of course it wasn't true and I was sorry she felt that way but that she was misinformed as it wasn't true.
She was ok with me the next day at school. Then on Monday this week she suddenly stormed up to me at the school this time, pointing in my face and saying that she knew I had been talking about her and that I was out to cause trouble for her and that I needed to watch my back. This was in front of lots of other mums and children, and in front of my children too.
I went straight into the school office and reported it to the headteacher, who was very helpful and lovely, and said that she wasn't prepared to have parents behaving in such a way, and that she was intending to nip it in the bud instantly. I said that I was happy for her to warn the woman off as obviously I don't want to be intimidated each school run, and I don't think it's appropriate behaviour for the school run.
The headteacher must have phoned her that night as later that evening the mum phoned me again, and was even more aggressive this time and said that I was lying, I'm the nasty aggressive one and that if I say anything else about her to anyone, including reporting her to the school, she will sue me for slander. I said for her to go ahead, as I have not slandered her at all. she said at the time her house was full of witnesses that knew I have been slandering her!!
The following day I managed to avoid her. Then yesterday she brought her mum to the school with her who seems very similar to her, and they stood pointing at me throughout pick up and I kept hearing them saying 'nasty cow' about me.
I have reported her to the school again, and made a written statement, but I don't know where to go from here. Is there anything the school can do? I am actually quite worried too that she will physically hurt me. I have heard of her as she has had fall outs with a couple of other people locally and I know she threatened to hit one of them.
The school is lovely but it's making me want to take my children elsewhere as I can't put up with this. My DH works away a lot and I'm not sleeping and actually feel quite vulnerable (she knows my address). Would the police do anything?
Sorry OP for what your are going through.
I have encountered such people often and I know how emotionally draining it can be especially if you have to be around them.
Here's the problem with this woman;... she constantly said negative things about people and I really had a hunch that I didn't want to get closer to her at all She clearly must have 'gotten' the message and as a paronoid type(she sounds like one) she sensed Rejection and her payback was to throw a tantrum of how dare you buy constructing a load of lies to get back at you.
second plus I work virtually full time so I just haven't got time to spend with people I don't particularly want to spend it with She may have also realized that you are far too busy for endless cups of tea and gossip to kill time until the next school run. This results to Jealousy or rather envy . From what you have described her behavior around other mums, she sounds like a lazy cow who has nothing better to do and hates anyone who is better than her or anyone who doesn't fit in her 'level'.
Thirdly, I was always polite to her people of her kind hate this genuine gesture. They see it as "two faced bitch" yet you know you are just creating a
nice boundary of hi&bye. So, the load of crappy lies she constructed is nothing but a trap, perhaps expecting you to respond to her in an eggressive manner and then she'll twist it all back at you if you loose it with her and you'll be taken away.(God Forbid)
The advice given above is excellent, ignore her tantrums, be assertive and if she carries on harassing you..contact the police.
Good luck, its tough, I know, but you gotta keep your head up hun.
Another vote for talking to the police. Also make sure your DH knows what is going on plus other members of your family. Seek their support and reassurance.
In the playground if she speaks to you just repeat ad nauseum 'do not speak to me or my children. If you do it may be seen as harassment".
Just completely ignore her. Walk away if she approaches you. Contact the police for further advice if this doesn't work.
We have a similar style mum at our school. The school took out a trespass order so she meets the child outside the gate.
Oh and I truly believe she has mental health issues. Her aggression, paranoia, stalkerish behaviour... none of it is normal. I feel quite sorry for her and very sad for the child.
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