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im leaving him, but i dont know where to start, need your help!

(40 Posts)
NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 17:13:59

Some of you would have seen my numerous post about P so will know the background,

I've just had the final straw, he was poaching an egg and it went wrong so started throwing the saucepan around the kitchen covering me in boiling water, I went mad and shouted at him to clean it up which he replied none of the water got me, it did, we then argued about it hitting me and I stormed out, he followed me into the lounge so I pushed the door shut (didn't want him near me) and it hit him, he went even more nuts and full on tackled me to the floor holding my neck, infront of dc. He got off and fucked off back the kitchen saying 'if you hadn't of hit me (meaning that I had punched him, which I did WHILST he pinned me down) he wouldn't have had to restrain me' .... so apparently all he was doing was restraining me. To be honest I did hope the door would hit him.

I know I was also in the wrong, I shouldn't have shouted but the boiling water sodding hurt and I was furious!!! Don't flame me I'm really not in the mood sad

I want to leave but I don't know how.

I've looked online and have found a house to rent, the cheapest I could find was 750, I've worked out housing benefit and its 692.08. With bills, children, no money and no job how the hell do I afford to leave?

I can't stress enough that I have NO money!
I know if I begged and pleaded my df would let us stay with him for a while, but he'd hate having my dc there. Also he lives miles away and I don't want to move again when dd has just made friends and started a nursery she loves, plus I've finally made some friends.

What can I do? sad

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 17:14:56

Sorry if that makes no sense, I'm on my phone and this happened 30 mins ago so am still shaky.

anon2013 Thu 10-Oct-13 17:19:12

Go to citizens advice tomorrow and keep looking for a place OP. Hope you put the burn under cold water sad

spacegirl81 Thu 10-Oct-13 17:26:30

Call the police. He's the one that should be leaving. Not you.

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 17:37:10

He's not here now, hes gone to work to do a 12 hour night shift.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Oct-13 17:42:34

Definitely call the police and get medical attention for the burns. He threw boiling water on you and had you round the neck. He could have killed you very easily. Get the police to prevent him from returning home & talk to them about getting you into a refuge. If they can't help with that contact Womens Aid and tell them you urgently need a place for yourself and DCs to stay. 0808 2000 247

He is a dangerous man.

Vivacia Thu 10-Oct-13 18:57:17

If somebody did that to me, I wouldn't be letting him back in to the house.

What's the housing situation?

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 19:36:11

I doubt I'm going to call the police, he did mean to throw the water around but he didn't mean to get me with it.

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 19:38:07

We rent, not much else to the housing situation really :-/ its in both our names but he pays all rent/bills and he paid the deposit, I'm a sahm.

lentilweavinghippy Thu 10-Oct-13 19:40:13

Get the locks changed & inform the police what has happened before he gets back. Why should you & the children move?? It would be much easier for him to find somewhere else to live. Stay strong x

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 19:52:39

I can't afford to live here anyway sad
I'm getting even more annoyed now, I thought he would have text to say sorry or ask how I am or at least ask if dc went to bed ok sad

Feel sick.

lentilweavinghippy Thu 10-Oct-13 20:01:14

You could go to your local council/housing association & tell them you are homeless - which would be technically true if you leave, even if you are staying with family temporarily. They should sort you out with emergency accommodation until they can find you something permanent. It's not ideal, but neither is being attacked in your own home. You've made the right decision.

Albert27 Thu 10-Oct-13 20:04:41

Get away from him. Speak to housing/police/landlord. You have a child and he can bunk with a pal. And it doesn't matter whether he intended it. He is clearly volatile, it happened and you are at risk. Stay strong. Deal with each step one stage at a time. The first step is to keep him out the house and away from you and DC. I wish you luck.

Fairenuff Thu 10-Oct-13 21:37:56

Even if he didn't intend to burn you, he was reckless as to whether you got hurt. If he can't control himself he is a danger to you and the children. What if it had gone all over your face, or one of the children?

Holding you around the neck is a really big red flag. He did it to show you that he has the power to kill you if he chooses to. Sorry to sound so dramatic but I don't think you realise the severity of his actions.

Report him to the police now.

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 23:00:06

Can't sleep sad

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 23:01:48

I'm going to go to CAB tomorrow but I don't know what to say, I find it hard to talk to people, I get all nervous then literally can't say a word. Bloody hell.

anon2013 Thu 10-Oct-13 23:33:00

Write it down on the way so you don't forget anything. Don't be afraid

NandH Thu 10-Oct-13 23:42:50

Do I just ask what my options are in a situation like this?

NandH Fri 11-Oct-13 00:14:07

He's just text

'You owe me an apology, I'm sorry for getting boiling water on your leg I didn't mean for that to happen'

He cannot be serious.

NandH Fri 11-Oct-13 00:15:03

He's basically only text to ask for an apology, if I wanted to apologize I would on my accord.

SolidGoldBrass Fri 11-Oct-13 00:19:31

Talk to the police, get legal advice. He will have to pay maintenance for the DC, and it may be possible for you to stay in the house and keep him out of it as he is violent and abusive.

BillyBanter Fri 11-Oct-13 00:26:27

What is it that puts you off calling the police?

Whatnext074 Fri 11-Oct-13 00:30:41

Save the text! You may need that. If there is a mark on your leg too, go to the doctor just to get it logged.

You can now only get legal aid if you are a victim of DV and this is DV but you would need to report it.

The CAB will tell you what you're entitled to and will do most of the talking. Just tell them briefly at first what has happened and they'll take it from there.

I am worried for your safety, do everything you can to protect yourself and your DC.

NandH Fri 11-Oct-13 00:31:53

I've had police involvement with an ex, who was unfortunately like p (I do um well) and they weren't very helpful or protective and in fact made things worse.... so I moved away, I don't want to have to move away again when dc and I are just getting settled.

I know as soon as p and I are separate there will be no more issues.

NandH Fri 11-Oct-13 00:33:32

Do I tell CAB about previous incidents with him or just this?

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