Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(17 Posts)
SammyFirstBaby Thu 10-Oct-13 17:11:13

ok so me and my "partner" have been together for nearly 3 years.
I say "partner" but were currently broken up.

hes had 3 part time jobs that havnt lasted very long and have been Christmas temps. we had a baby the may just gone and at the time he had been working at a place for about 3 weeks and was on a 30 day trial. he didn't get the job.

the whole relationship, when he hasn't had a job I have supported him, clothing, travel, food while out, nights out ect. he has treated me to the odd cinema night and bottle of perfume but its just not equal.

now he hasn't paid NOTHING towards our son since he was 2 months old and all hes bought is a pack of nappied (out of his mums money) and a carton of milk.

his dad died last august and earlier this year (around feb) he found out he was inheriting £55,000 ish. now all he has to do is pay for his dads headstone witch is about £5000.

is my son entitled to any of that money seen as hes had fuck all?
im so skint and so angry. im co sleeping cos I cant afford a cot. hes nearly out grown his clothes.

im at the end of my teather.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Oct-13 17:24:59

I'm sorry you're having difficulties and that you're not getting any support from the 'partner'. Unfortunately,your DS has no claim on his late grandfather's money unless he was specifically mentioned in the will. Morally is a different matter - a decent man would make sure his son was clothed & fed rather than keep such a huge amount of money to himself.

DWP will be very interested in the bequest if he's claiming any benefits that have a capital/savings restriction and CSA will count the income (interest) from the inheritance when they pursue him for a contribution, which I hope you get. In the meantime, are you getting all the benefits that you're entitled to as a lone parent? The website has a good benefits checker. Good luck

SammyFirstBaby Thu 10-Oct-13 17:33:08

hes not claiming any benefits or working.
he lives at his mums house and doesn't have ANY money.

when he receives the money, will csa say he has to pay something?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Oct-13 17:37:55

CSA won't insist that he gives up any capital, but the interest he gets on the money will count as income and they may be able to work with that. I'm amazed anyone gets by on zero money.... how old is this idle lump?

I think you're going to have to plan him out of the picture and work on the basis that you'll get nothing. If you get anything from him, regard it as a bonus. Are you claiming everything for yourself and your baby?

SammyFirstBaby Thu 10-Oct-13 17:43:51

Hes 20, 21 in January.
yeah I think that's what im going to have to do, but living alone im struggling to even get a cotbed. iv had the grants that helped get a cheap buggy and clothes.
I receive all benefits I can get but gas, electric ect just eats that up!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Oct-13 17:47:40

He should be ashamed of himself and, if he's not coughing up but prefers to sit on his arse sponging off his parents, his family should not be letting you and your baby go short. Are they as bad as he is?

Do talk to Citizens Advice Bureau if you're really struggling. If you still see your Health Visitor they may be able to help. Do you have any family or friends with small children that could pass on clothes/equipment to you or help you with money?

SammyFirstBaby Thu 10-Oct-13 17:51:08

his mum works and supports him with tobacco and stuff but shes constantly skint to, his mum and boyfriend just smoke weed and don't really care...

all familys kids are older, around 4-5 so no luck there, mum helps when she can but with 2 little uns her self, its hard to help me!
I don't have a health visitor, I had a midwife for 2 visits then they singed me off, my doctor doesn't really understand English so ill be there for hours!

ill think ill try citizens advice bureau tommrow! thanks

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 10-Oct-13 18:20:58

You sound well rid of the lot of them. Have you looked into getting a job yourself?

SammyFirstBaby Thu 10-Oct-13 22:34:48

I have but with childcare costs and the cost of rent and bills, at the moment id proberly be in the same position or even worse off.
does anybody know any ways I can get help with free clothes and a cot bed and mattress? preferably in east London east ham area?x

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 11-Oct-13 07:51:39

It's worth looking at getting a job because, even if you use a childminder, you probably would be better off with Tax Credits than Income Support. You'd also feel more confident, more independent and a not so reliant on your ex, and it would also mean you were in contact with other people, other mums possibly, and that would increase your support network.

How about checking out local charity shops and car boot sales for the clothes and equipment? Also try things like 'Freecycle'

misreadings Fri 11-Oct-13 07:56:05

Definitely try Freecycle, it's amazing. Look at this London regions list to see which one is closest to you.

SammyFirstBaby Fri 11-Oct-13 08:55:47

Had a look on free cycle this morning and cant find anything in his size or any starting to worry that as hes basicly crawling, hes going to crawl of the bed. is there any charities I can ring?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 11-Oct-13 08:58:47

The Salvation Army help homeless people set up so they may have access to baby equipment. In the meantime, stretch a sheet over your duvet and tuck it in tight so that he can't roll out, and put something soft on the floor next to the bed.. towels or similar.

SammyFirstBaby Fri 11-Oct-13 09:07:03

Ok will ring them, thank you x

SammyFirstBaby Fri 11-Oct-13 10:11:02

Have rung salvation and left a message.
I rung social fund and I have a debt of 800 ish say 900, and 400 of its from a budgeting loan. he said I can apply again, as iv now had a child.
how much am I entitled to?
also what baby items will it cover?

I recently had a grant from my local council to help kit my house out, didn't cover much but a bed, wardrobe and bedding really, oh and kettle and microwave. Had asked them for a cot bed but they said I should have used my sure start grant, little did I know how quick he would grow out of his moses basket and how much buggys and clothes where!

will that grant affect it?

SammyFirstBaby Fri 11-Oct-13 10:19:09

Also iv just rung job centre and they said if I send a letter in requesting that I get paid weekly they can do it. but I cant find NO letters, im at mums at the moment to so that's why.

does any one know where I can find the main head office for my address?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 11-Oct-13 10:35:07

The main head office of what?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now