Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To be upset?

(31 Posts)
tempchangefornow Thu 10-Oct-13 10:55:01

Here just for traffic really, name changed, DH knows my usual username.

Where to start?
Have been with DH for 3 years, Married for 1, Have 1yr old and 5months pregnant. All very happy, no arguments beyond a bit of sniping when we're tired etc and we resolve quickly.
So all in all, a good relationship, loving, respectful etc etc.

Now, DH likes porn, I know this, have always known this, he doesn't hide it. He knows I'm not a fan, I find it tacky and demeaning but if he uses it personally when i'm not around and it's not something that enters my world then I'm fine with that.

I also know that there are aspects of our sex life especially during current pregnancy that are lacking for him. I do my best to compensate for him, but tbh I mostly just feel like shit and not up for anything at all.
He is not pushing, completely understanding and reassuring to me that it's not an issue.
so until this morning I thought we had a great understanding etc relationship.

Then I got all nosy. His FB was logged in, and I went nosing through his messages. I don't even know why, I have no suspicions of anything, I didn't expect to find anything, I was really just being a nosy cow.
I found a conversation, with an online friend of his, I have seen him talking to this person a lot, they share an interest in a game they both play, in which I have zero interest, so never paid much attention.
During the last few days of this conversation DH has talked to this person in a way I have never heard him talk about sex (other person is male btw)
In a very blokey bravado way I suppose, but disrespectful and horrible sad
He talked about doing things that I won't do, don't enjoy etc, to other people, celebrities mostly but also a person he has met a few times at a group we go to. He also talked about all the porn he was watching, to which his friend said and I quote 'Why not just use the wife' and he laughed at this because it's things I'd not do.
DH then talked about pretty girls he'd seen/met at a course he's doing.

This is just a small part of it, I stopped reading because I feel sick and shaky and upset.
I feel fat and mundane and useless and sexually shit now.

DH is asleep upstairs after being up all night with DC, he'll be up soon, how can I be normal with him? I don't think I can, but I only know all of this because I was being a nosy cow! He'd be really upset I was nosing through his FB I expect.

I don't know what to do sad

PeppiNephrine Thu 10-Oct-13 14:47:12

Poor bugger? Ewwwwwww @ your standards.

tempchangefornow Thu 10-Oct-13 15:07:59

Neo, if by saying no more disgusting porn and demeaning 'chat' with strangers on the internet is depriving him of an entire aspect of his sexuality, he is more than welcome to leave the marriage and indulge himself without hurting me.
Luckily for him and our marriage he doesn't seem to see it that way.

pinkyredrose Thu 10-Oct-13 17:09:04

Poor bugger. A whole section of his sexuality that's unavailable to him and now he can't even explore it in fantasy. sad

I'm assuming that's a pisstake.

NeedlesCuties Thu 10-Oct-13 17:11:51

Neo, I'm going to assume you are the strange friend the OP's DH had.

Not helpful.

Jan45 Thu 10-Oct-13 17:21:11


Hamwidgeandcheps Thu 10-Oct-13 18:33:44

Exh would have said what neo said. But he put his sexual 'needs' above everything/everyone else . Hopefull the op dh is a bit more mature.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now