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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dating and the silent treatment....

42 replies

wildwest · 10/10/2013 07:58

Just fed up. Met a guy I thought was lovely. We chatted full on for a week then accidently met in town one friday eve. We spent the whole eve together chatting, kissing. He dropped me off home in a taxi. Sent me a message 20 mins later to say 'I don't know if you realise but I really rather like you'. Saw him the next day too. On the Monday he went away to a new post in swindon (he's in the army). Full on texting every day. Last weekend he was away at a friends down south so didn't see him but heard from him loads. We chatted Sunday eve and since then - nothing. Silent treatment... so obviously not interested. Why do they do that?? Why can't they just say 'I don't think this is going to work?'. Really beginning to wonder if I will ever meet someone decent!

OP posts:

Report

Ohnoitsgonewrong · 10/10/2013 08:16

I think some guys are just cowards and daren't say .
You need to brush yourself off forget about it and move forward keep your options open and enjoy the dates you do have but try not to invest too much emotionally .
I've had this recently with a I need some space guy lol so that's all I have to offer but it works for me lol
I'm sure eventually you will meet someone :)

wildwest · 10/10/2013 08:23

Thanks! Just makes you feel so pants! Should be used to it by now!

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2013 08:24

I would be texting 'I don't think this is going to work' after 4 (?) days of no contact. Be the bigger person.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2013 08:27

Oh lord it's enough to drive you demented isn't it?

When I was online dating I tried to be open and upfront if I wasn't feeling it. Most men seem to be pretty wimpish about it. It's like the ordinary rules of common politeness don't count when you've met someone online.

Just a thought though, could he not be able to text because of his job?

I actually hate myself for saying that though because I know you'll be hoping that.

The best thing is to just move on and shrug unite shoulders. I usually had 2 or 3 warming up at any one time But just to give you some hope, I have now met the loveliest man on earth online

Ohnoitsgonewrong · 10/10/2013 08:54

That's the thing though don't let yourself feel pants if he's not got the common courtesy to just say its not someone you need in your life !!

wildwest · 10/10/2013 09:31

Well he was away last week with his job and messaged loads. Even at the weekend when he was with his friends. I'm tempted to message a friendly hi but I know if he was interested he wouldn't let the time past. I appreciate he might be busy but he's been so full on in touch that to have nothing is noticeable. And yea - makes him a bit of a douche sadly! I'm sitting on my hands. I will not text!

OP posts:

UC · 10/10/2013 09:37

Once when I was emailing DP initially (met online), I thought he'd gone all quiet too after 5 days of no contact. Then I realised that I hadn't actually sent the last email I'd carefully written in draft... So HE actually thought I'd gone quiet, and wasn't interested. He hadn't replied because I hadn't sent him a message, I just thought I had...

Could something like that have happened, and actually you're both thinking the same thing?

wildwest · 10/10/2013 09:57

He hasn't been worried about getting in touch with me before. I didn't take him for the sort to do this though but who knows! What do you think? Text or not? And if so - say what??

OP posts:

gamerchick · 10/10/2013 10:00

Why don't you give him a ring?

Lweji · 10/10/2013 10:10

Of course he could have lost his phone (do you e-mail?) or have dropped dead.

Who normally contacts who first?
Were you specifically waiting for a reply to something?
Could he have not got your last message?

As UC, I'd make sure he had got my last message and wasn't waiting for my reply to something.
I have not received txt messages before, or people have not received messages I've sent.

rainbowfeet · 10/10/2013 10:13

It's just a big game to a lot of guys!!

Hate it having to sift through the shit & on the verge of giving up!! Most of them are knob -heads!!

richtea12 · 10/10/2013 10:14

I've been in this situation many tines and although its rubbish when they do this in some ways maybe hearing the truth is more painful. I always think actions speak louder than words and if he wanted to get in touch he would find a way so don't wait for him, move on and find the person you deserve!

wildwest · 10/10/2013 11:02

Yes that's what I also think. Just weird going from chatty to absolutely nothing. Also thought was a bit strange he was full on n in touch but hasn't suggested meeting up again?? Will just leave and move on. Men!

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 10/10/2013 11:06

How many times have you actually met him? From your OP, it looks as if it was just during the one weekend.

I'd just let it slide - if you like him and he gets back in touch, then decide to see him or not depending on what he says and whether you want to.

I hope you are keeping the rest of you social life active.

FreckledLeopard · 10/10/2013 11:07

Sympathies. I have something similar going on. Have had three really good dates, supposed to be having a fourth tomorrow. Lots of chatting, some texts here and there, now suddenly gone quiet. I do not understand. Surely, if you like someone enough to keep asking them out (and saying at the end of a date that you had a great time and when can we go out again), then why would you suddenly go quiet?

If I meet someone and there's no chemistry or I don't like them, I don't start making enthusiastic plans to see them again. Or I tell them that there's no chemistry.

Ugh.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/10/2013 11:10

OP, what do want to say to him?

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 11:22

My friend is going through this and has been for ageeees, hate to say it but I doubt you were the only one he was being chatty with and was keeping his options open - not so much a nice guy I'd say, so remember that.

wildwest · 10/10/2013 11:22

Yes we have only met up twice. before that he was texting several times a day (he had a week off). Then after we actually me he was texting me every night up until Sunday.

Hmmm. What do I want to say? There isn't anything to say I guess if he's decided he doesn't like me for whatever reason! But cold silence is the pits!

OP posts:

wildwest · 10/10/2013 11:23

Jan45 - you are probably right!

OP posts:

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 11:23

Freckled: perhaps went quiet cos someone came along who caught his eye more, that's what I'd make of it.

Men don't have the brains to actually articulate the words.

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 11:26

Who knows! My friend is driving me nuts just now, she keeps having sex with all these different guys and then they just completely disappear and she doesn't hear from them, she's reasoned broken mobs, accident, you name it - absolute rubbish, the guy's not a nice guy and that's why he's ignoring you but she doesn't listen.

Currently she's sleeping with a guy from the pub who disappears every couple of weeks and resurfaces when he wants a shag.

What do I say to her when she says: Yeah, but I was getting my hole too so it's not one sided????? Aaaaaaargh. Sorry but women can't just have sex with someone a few times and not feel shite when they don't get in touch, I just don't believe it.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 10/10/2013 11:26

I think you're being really over the top.

Its only been a few days. Chill! Why so intense? And what's stopping you from contacting him?

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wildwest · 10/10/2013 11:35

Maybe! It's just he's been so full on in touch the silence is noticeable! I'm quite confident usually but obviously quite insecure with men! Can't help it!

OP posts:

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 11:39

I don't think you're being ott, he was full on and now silence, that's not right and I bet your gut instinct is telling you what you'd rather not know.

FlapJackOLantern · 10/10/2013 11:42

Could he have been sent on manoeuvres?

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