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Sister in law ignoring pregnancy and being even more strange than normal!

(155 Posts)
creamcarpet Mon 07-Oct-13 10:37:19

My DP's sister has always been cold and emotionally vacant (not the closest family but generally like each other's company). We have been together many years but I don't feel any connection to SIL despite the time. She makes it very hard to get close to her. We have always made polite small talk, ie, work (hers not mine), a new car, holidays, home improvements etc but nothing more.

I was pregnant last year, to which she said 'that's nice'. I then had a miscarriage and was hospitalised, we didn't hear anything from her. It was another 3 months before she got in touch, still never mentioning me or asking how I was.

I am pregnant again now and when DP told her she again said 'that's nice', DP said it sounded like he'd told her we were getting a cat. I've since seen her for the weekend and she didn't asked how I was, when it's due, said congrats, nothing. She acted increasingly strange over the weekend, ie, sitting out in the garden alone while the rest of us sat indoors and chatted; and picking at food in the restaurant, looking at the ceiling and not saying a single word to any of us.

Since returning from the weekend, she has tried to make contact by emailing pictures of her new car (with no words in the email), which DP ignored for a couple of weeks because he was so fed up with her. Last week he replied by email and sent her a pic of our scan. She hasn't replied. Do you think she's playing a tit for tat game and waiting to reply for a couple of weeks, or does she just have a major behavioural problem? And is this the weirdest SIL you ever heard of?! I've searched previous threads but none of SIL problems seems to be like mine.

PS. She has no kids, no motherly instincts, and married to a man much older than her.

InTheFace Tue 08-Oct-13 16:09:42

Huh? You said (7th line in penultimate post before this one) that "she seems to spend all her time with husband". So she is married or not?

I can't tell what you're after OP. Do you want us to say that her behaviour is wrong and yours is right?

If so, you will see a strong seam of posters who say she is just different. Which, by definition, means there is no right and no wrong.

Personally, I think you feel slighted by her aloof manner. You may not need to be the center of all attention, but I think you don't like being irrelevant, which it sounds like you largely are for her. The thing about DH being upset is a smokescreen: I am oretty sure that he would just let matters be if you didn't make this am issue.

cjel Tue 08-Oct-13 16:53:52

She was trying to get in touch by sending photo of car and you ignored? isn't that cold?
Her and her DH may be going through such awful times that she is depressed or struggling.
She did congratulate your dh she said 'thats nice'.

You were bursting to talk about baby at weekend but didn't and felt you had been good not doing that>
You and H sound as if you are children still. He ignored her when she was clearly unhappy at the weekend away instead of trying to see if he could help? and she had tried to make contact by showing her new car - which is what you said you used to discuss pre your baby, then he sent her baby picture and no words and moans because she hasn't answered him?
I'd say get a grip you sound like a self obsessed PITA.
I'd keep my distance if you were my SIL.

PeppermintPasty Tue 08-Oct-13 16:57:21

Ah, thanks pants. I'm a Stately homer, albeit a lurker for many months on that thread.

MN has taught me such a lot. My sister is under the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) as far as my crazy mother is concerned. Mother, dear of her, put the phone down on me when I told her I was pregnant with my first child!!! Course, that was imagined by me, so she tells me these days grin

Ironically though, I get on very-nicely-thank-you with my SIL, her being no blood relation 'n'all.

The point is op, that you have to let this one go I think.

pantsonbackwards Tue 08-Oct-13 17:22:44

Peppermint. Oh yes FOG! I've been a visitor to statelyhomes. My dh has so much FOG he can't see his own nose.

PeppermintPasty Tue 08-Oct-13 18:37:38

Ha, direct him to that thread!! grin

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