Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

H has had a tattoo of ow name- just another thing to piss me off.

(26 Posts)
feelingvunerable Sun 06-Oct-13 21:51:38

Maybe I am being unreasonable and I am trying hard to move on.
Split from H barley 3 months ago.

He constantly lied, told me he loved me, wanted to spend his entire life with me etc etc.
Then I found out about ow.

He has been a complete shit ever since both with myself and dcs.

I am the one dealing with the fallout.

I have ceased all communication with him and converse only through my solicitor after being advised to do so for my own sanity by my G.P.

Anyway dd was distraught, yet again, after seeing him as he has had a tattoo with ow name on it, plus a symbol of her daughter's name.

All this despite the fact he was (and still is married to me) for 20 years and vowed he would never have any names tattooed excep[t for his own dcs.

Dd has told him how upset she is (plus what a dick he looks) it is very visable.

I am pissed off on several levels.
I have clearly never been that important to him.
Plus the dick isn't paying me any money but can spend it on bloody shit like this.

I really wish I could find a way to rid myself of him and all the pain he has caused.

Crawling Sun 06-Oct-13 21:55:04

I'm so sorry I would be pissed too.

AngryByrd Sun 06-Oct-13 21:57:11

look, tattoos are a curse! (I'd like to think anyway). Then he'll be stuck with a stupid tattoo that meant he made a permanent decision for a temporary fling.

ToTheTeeth Sun 06-Oct-13 22:00:07

I think what you have to remember is that when someone throws everything away they have to prove to themselves and others it was worth it. Hence the need for a big gesture. I totally understand why you're angry, but it's not a realistic measure of how he feels about her versus you and your DD. Consider yourself lucky it's just a tattoo and he hasn't decided to propose.

ToTheTeeth Sun 06-Oct-13 22:00:34

The daughter symbol is fantastically insensitive though, he really is a twunt for that little twist.

dreamsdreamsgoaway Sun 06-Oct-13 22:02:47

I expect it looks shit. At some point he will probably have to pay ££ to get it lasered off.

Especially hmm re getting her daughter's name done, wtf?

VBisme Sun 06-Oct-13 22:04:25

He's acting like an idiot, and will regret it when they split up.

FunnyRunner Sun 06-Oct-13 22:04:49

Sending a hug OP and a punchbag. In your situation I would be glad of both.

But try and be rational about this. Why has he got the tattoos?
a) To piss you off / prove he's a young thing (MLC)

OR - and more likely -

b) OW has pleaded, cajoled and harassed him into it. Why? Because she knows he's a cheating bastard, who has abandoned his wife and child. She thinks the tattoo will be like an act of faith or a very short leash - it will keep him 'good'. Except it won't. Because he's a cock and it takes more than some skin deep artwork to change that. His next OW will be listening to his sob story about who 'X and Y' are. Meanwhile, you will be enjoying your shiny, new tosspot free life. Try and take comfort from that

herald Sun 06-Oct-13 22:13:11

I agree with to the teeth, its a gesture to deflect from what he has done and aimed at pissing you off, which understandably it has , I split from my DW also 3 months ago and she hates tattoo s but has had the kids names across her back, and she is telling everyone that will listen how great her life now is.

She even told me on Friday I need counciling because I am not over the 20 year marriage after 3 months, it's all a front to make themselves feel better.
It's hard but try to rise above it and not give him the satisfaction of letting him know it bothers you .

feelingvunerable Sun 06-Oct-13 22:20:42

Thanks for the replies.

I feel so much better when I hear nothing at all about him. I have even changed my number because of the constant texts messages I was receiving from him.

I am never quite sure if he tries to get to me through dd, or if I am paranoid.

The ow has apparently had his named tattooed on her!

Wasn't going to reveal this as I don't want to out myself but he has also had her star sign tattooed, and that happens to be my star sign. He told my dcs that it serves a duel purpose as it is the ow's star sign and also mine! like I really want that excuse for a human to have any reminder of me on his torso. Dick.

awaywiththepixies Sun 06-Oct-13 22:26:06

People who are truly happy and have indeed moved on dont need to prove the fact to anyone. They just get on with their new life. Silly out of character acts like this and a need to piss you off just show things aren't as rosy as he would like you to think. Bit sad really. Laugh out loud at the silly bugger and get on with your new life.

herald Sun 06-Oct-13 22:27:53

You are right he does sound like a dick, he will be getting off on the fact that you are bothered. I find the best way to cope is to limit contact which has been fine until last week when she suddenly wants to be friends again now we are over it ????
He will regret the tattoos when the current relationship finishes, he will have to find another with the same star sign lol

It is hard but try to stay away from contact, it works for me

feelingvunerable Sun 06-Oct-13 22:31:48

Thanks for the advice herald.

Why would you want to be friends with your ex after what she has done?
Sounds like she should get together with my ex, they both sound charming.

skyeskyeskye Sun 06-Oct-13 22:39:03

It seems to be something that ex's do, change their previous beliefs/thoughts.

At the age of 49 my XH got contacts after years of saying he couldn't put anything in his eyes. He started drinking coffee after 49 years of detesting it and also red wine after previously hating it!

It seems that they will do whatever it takes to impress OW and fit into their life.

Just ignore it, keep contact to a minimum and remind yourself regularly what a sad tosser he is now.

herald Sun 06-Oct-13 22:39:58

She has already 'got together ' with a few men and likes to let me know, when you read the posts on here it's like a pattern they all follow. I know she is not happy behind the front because of conversations with her family. what you need to do is try to ignore the irrational behaviour and try to get on with your life, just take one day at a time.

Good luck

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 06-Oct-13 22:46:34

What a tosspot. Really, it is NO reflection on how much he once loved you that he didn't get your name and in nano seconds has got hers - it is insecurity that makes you do shit like that, not love, not after 5 minutes and to do it when you have kids who will see it, 5 mins after you have left them and their mum, takes a special kind of fuckwit... jesus.

cronullansw Mon 07-Oct-13 08:30:25

What a wanker.

Good luck for the future op, seems like you are best of rid of him.

perplexedpirate Mon 07-Oct-13 08:38:12

Wow! What an idiot! You are so lucky you aren't with him anymore. You will laugh at this idiocy in the future OP, I promise you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 07-Oct-13 08:39:08

I'm not a big tattoo fan at the best of times. I think your DD's disappointment & scorn is richly deserved and will last probably as long as the tattoo.... What an idiot.

whitwoo89 Mon 07-Oct-13 09:06:46

Just remember what my dp says about named tattoos. If you are that insecure in your relationship that you need to write their name on your arm. You probably shouldn't be together in the first place.

NoIHaventHadTheBabyYet Mon 07-Oct-13 09:20:07

As hard as it is for you now ignore it, he's not worth it.
within six months they will be having painful, expensive tattoo removal, you can laugh then

AKissIsNotAContract Mon 07-Oct-13 09:22:58

Just think of this as the woman repeller. When he splits from his current partner who will want to go near him with someone else's name tattooed on him? (And I say this as someone with 2/3rds of my body tattooed)

deste Mon 07-Oct-13 09:23:55

I think I would be wicked and try everything to get him back, then dump him.

elinorbellowed Mon 07-Oct-13 14:12:47

What a fucking idiot! You are well shot of him.

pantsonbackwards Mon 07-Oct-13 14:17:34


Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now