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Have evidence of possible infidelity but no proof! help!

(51 Posts)
MrsParker Fri 04-Oct-13 10:05:30

26th aug I came downstairs in evening and saw my partner of seven years looking at a profile of a woman on his phone, there was some writing and then he flipped to a picture of her naked. I knocked on the window and disturbed him at this point. He wouldnt let me look at his phone, said it was just porn, he loves me, nothing to be worried about.

This got me suspicious, so checked his phone bill in the morning, 100's of calls to one number, some late at night. I text him asking who's number it was. He said a friend of his sons mum and dad. The texts were most days, always her and not me. Anyway eventually admits, he and this woman are friends. He said id never have accepted it so thats why he hid it. Felt so betrayed that it had been her and not me all the time. Anyway I decided to forgive this and try and move on, he swore they were just friends.

Fast forward 3 weeks, we've been making a go of it and quite happy at times, I open his bank statement and he'd joined an internet sex dating site on the 16th aug. That was obviously what I caught him looking at the night I became suspicious. I confronted him, he says he joined coz he was stupid, that he's never cheated. He said he felt guilty and cancelled his membership, but not until i caught him.

So here I am, i am devastated, he says he wants to prove he loves me, hes closed his sole bank accounts and wants us to get married. He is putting in more effort but part of me cant understand why now? I am shocked I know our relationship has been rocky, but i never saw this coming and I dont know if i can ever feel happy again. He is trying to act as if nothings happened and doesnt want me continually bringing it up. I suppose its worse because I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me when I found he'd been texting this woman and he said no, then i find the internet dating ;( Is there more i don't know. Its torture......

Leavenheath Fri 04-Oct-13 13:07:37

What happened to you OP in the past that has got you to this point?

When you were a little girl, did you ever think you'd want a relationship with someone who got you into debt, who messed aroud with other women (plural), who lied to you all the time, who used porn, who refused to give you space when you asked him to leave?

You don't need proof. It's overwhelming and what you do know is so bad that just one of these acts would be a dealbreaker for a woman who valued herself and had self-worth.

It's so sad to see a woman doing this.

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