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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How can you tell if someone really likes you or is just our for fun?

39 replies

JoansRivers · 03/10/2013 21:47

I am back in the dating scene after 13 years with DH.
I have met someone lovely. We have been seeing each other about once a week for about three months. We haven't slept together. He is really nice and we text back and forth most days. He says he loves kissing me, but also says I'm sexy and he would like to do more sexually. I'm just scared to let go and allow myself to really like him in case he's just out for fun.
How can I tell?

OP posts:

Report

TroublesomeEx · 03/10/2013 21:55

I would say that if he's still hanging around after 3 months of only seeing you once a week and no more than kissing, then I would think he likes you.

JoansRivers · 03/10/2013 22:23

We have done more than kissing, we just haven't slept together. But, lately he's been talking about being horny, loving my norks, sayingI really know how to push his buttons etc.
I just want him I take me seriously.

OP posts:

AKissIsNotAContract · 03/10/2013 22:24

If a guy was only after a shag he wouldn't wait 3 months for it. He likes you

akaWisey · 04/10/2013 07:51

I think there's a difference between being just out for fun and taking someone seriously.

I agree with the PP's who say if he's still around after 3 months and you haven't shagged he likes you. Whether that will equate to taking you seriously is another thing altogether.

I may be wrong but your second post sounds like the way he expresses his 'desire' doesn't make you feel entirely comfortable.

Lizzabadger · 04/10/2013 08:11

Trust your instincts. It sounds like you have some doubts about him.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 08:20

Turn this around. Make it less about what he wants and more about what you want? If you don't want fun and frolics and can't see it going the distance call time, because he sounds like he's going to tell you whatever it takes to get you into bed.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/10/2013 08:41

The sexy talk does sound rather, shall we say, tacky, tbh. Very teenage.

Mosman · 04/10/2013 09:34

How are people meant to express their desires exactly then ?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 09:39

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to express desires but norks (?).. bit cringey. I knew someone once who's idea of foreplay was to text 'fancy a shag?'...

DukeSilver · 04/10/2013 09:51

Oh man, did he actually say norks?

He does sound like he likes you though. When I was last with someone for fun we would only really be in contact to arrange to meet (for sex mostly). We didn't share out lives, there was no emotional support there etc.

I would suggest that you just talk to him. Ask him. You will just stress yourself out looking for signs and reading into everything. If he mature and normal he will have no problem having that conversation with you.

queenbitchapparently · 04/10/2013 09:59

3 months and he is only now starting to ramp up his game. Sounds like he has impeccable in his behaviour.
Simole question is do you want to shag him.
It is sounding from your op tgat you don't really.
Maybe you like the attention etc but actually are not that in to him.
Can't fake spark.

Lazyjaney · 04/10/2013 10:10

If he's still around after 3 months he is interested in more than just a quick shag, you can get that in days with OD...but he is now starting to test how interested you really are IMO.

Mosman · 04/10/2013 10:47

I have never heard anyone in real life say Norks, have you ?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 12:11

"I'm just scared to let go"

Is this the real problem here? If you don't want to sleep with someone you don't have to justify it. But is the fear stemming from making yourself vulnerable to rejection? Or is the fear stemming from believing that sex outside a serious relationship is wrong?

AngryByrd · 04/10/2013 12:24

here is the truth though...

many men ...married or not have tonnes of women to talk to all the time. meeting up once a week means something if he's only seeing you.

i know plenty of men (my father being one) who have this thing to keep wooing until he gets someone into bed and then leaves her...but i don't think this is the 'rule' with all men just a common exception.

it's not just about a ons; it may be about a constant long term NSA shag buddy.

maybe ask what he's really looking for? and tell him what you are looking for?

akaWisey · 04/10/2013 13:17

OP I would link this but I'm hopeless.

Try the1janitor on you tube and watch his video 'Dating tips for Ladies' (lets not get too worked up about the term 'Ladies' tho).

It's good. As is his 'You're probably not a nice guy'.
HTH

JohFlow · 04/10/2013 14:38

It's hard to takes risks after you have come out of a long relationship isn't it OP? Sometimes you just have to and see what happens. Do you think sex with him would be fun? Having sex is not akin to having to marry the guy. Little steps will help you see where you are up to with him. I would also have a conversation beforehand asking him what he thinks of you and explaining that you need gentle treatment right now.

JoansRivers · 04/10/2013 21:47

No, he didn't use the word norks! He isn't being creepy at all. I know he really fancies me, but I want to know that he likes me and isn't just attracted to me.
There is a spark, I do want to have sex with him, but I feel so rusty at dating. Cogito, I am scared of rejection, yes.
I want him to take me seriously. I have never had meaningless sex, a one night stand and don't fancy starting at the age of 37!

OP posts:

maleview70 · 04/10/2013 22:19

It is possible he sees you as challenge and like someone else says with OD there is ample opportunity to be texting
and seeing multiple people.

Havin said that why not just go for it and see because you will never be 100% sure with any man.

He who dares wins Rodney.....

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 22:23

I suggest you give meaningless sex a try. :) Seriously. I know you're scared of rejection but what if you find he's a bit of a rubbish lover? You're entitled to reject him. Get very serious before hitting the bedroom and, even if he's a terrible lay, you'll feel you can't dump him on such trivial grounds.

Come on... if there's a spark there go for for a little 'try before you buy'!

SoleSource · 04/10/2013 22:51

I don't like the sound of him, some guys will do anything to get their own way. Maybe he sees you as a challenge and he will do whatever it takes to have sex with you, Bin the dog.

LoopThePoop · 04/10/2013 22:57

Holy fuck, three months?!

You must have savage norks

He likes you, if you were questioning after 3 weeks I'd say something but 3 months! Let go a bit, enjoy YOURself

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superstarheartbreaker · 05/10/2013 01:55

Do you fancy him for sure? Goodnesd if you do then you have been very self restrained

Vivacia · 05/10/2013 05:30

I wouldn't have sex with him based on your comments that meaningless sex isn't your thing. Also you've said twice that he won't take you seriously. Do you want to say a bit more about that?

whyno · 05/10/2013 05:31

Go for it! I think he likes you

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