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Relationships

Friendship/social question

5 replies

billynobuddies · 01/10/2013 09:52

Have NC for this as feel a little about it I guess...

Moved to a new area end of last year, single mum with DS and although I've have a few nice chats with people, I haven't made any 'real' friends yet. I know this takes time, so I'm not trying to rush it. Its just lately I feel, I don't know, not very well liked somehow (?!). I've started seeing someone locally who is lovely, amazing with DS. Its the first time I've been out with someone since leaving DP last year. He's very popular locally and an all round very attractive person inside and out. I just feel people, though initially friendly, are a little frosty now. I don't know if the initial friendliness is them sussing me out...and now maybe they don't like me?!

In my twenties, before DS, I had so many friends and a great social life, work buddies and also friends though clubs and groups etc, I've never found it difficult making friends. Until now. I think I've actually started to develop a bit of social phobia and paranoia because of it. I feel like I'm being talked about (unfavourably)

Has anyone else experienced this? I always thought I was a likeable person and easy to get on with, but maybe I'm just weird

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/10/2013 10:11

You can't really legislate for other people's emotions and you can't expect everyone to like you. Just be yourself. Are you saying there's a direct link between you going out with this man and others being less friendly? Jealousy... something like that?

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billynobuddies · 01/10/2013 10:25

Um, I don't know Cogito maybe jealousy I don't know (women seem to really like him), or..maybe they just don't like me for me! but you're right - I should just be myself..and stop worrying probably! Thanks for replying.
Wish I didn't care about being liked, life would be much easier!!

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beaglesaresweet · 01/10/2013 10:26

ha, maybe he's the only decent man left in that (small?) area, and they are that a newcomer got him! But seriously, if he likes you, and he's so popular, surely that alone must make you feel that you don't come across as weird and unlikeable?
One thing though, sometimes when you feel unconfident, you can unwittingly appear arrogant by trying to hide you self-consciousness and pulling bsck so to speak. But I sympathise, as I found it tough in a new area also. Maybe people expect you to make more effort, invite them, initiate things? On the other hand you could have come across as clingy and trying to please too much (if you WERE showing a lot of initiative) - it's a minefield!

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beaglesaresweet · 01/10/2013 10:29

what I mean is, try a different approach to what you were doing so far, as above.

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billynobuddies · 01/10/2013 10:43

I think you've hit the nail beagle (and thanks for replying), I'm probably either coming across as arrogant and indifferent or a bit gushy trying to over-compensate for feeling nervous and unsure of myself. Either way - not good!!
Lol! it is a bit small here and he probably is the last very decent man!! I suppose him liking me is reassuring (I just think he's a bit crazy!)
Right yes - different approach. I'm going to try my hardest to chill out about it. Youre right it is a minefield!