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Disastrous date feeling a bit frightened

(181 Posts)
Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 22:47:55

I went on a second date with someone tonight. We got along so well on both dates I felt at ease with him. I asked if he wanted to come in for a drink when we got to mine making clear it was just for drink

God I feel quite freaked out at the moment and I don't know if I've over- reacted but I didn't feel very safe so had to tell him to leave. He looked quite shocked and said are you serious like he couldn't believe he'd upset me. What is wrong with me can't I trust anyone?

piratecat Mon 30-Sep-13 23:20:38

Maybe you decided to be all normal and also brave by inviting him in, but it wasn't for the right reasons, not deep down.

I think you called it pretty well, cos if it had been right, it would have been right iyswim.

TheCrumpetQueen Mon 30-Sep-13 23:23:17


So glad you're safe. Put something nice on tv and relax x

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:24:11

Thing is I think he is probably a bit awkward and odd but he freaked me out. I know he is in a job that requires stringent CRB check so that made me feel he must be ok to a certain extent. I work in kind of the same field and I know he's not lying about the job due to the things he's talked about

MrsMinkBernardLundy Mon 30-Sep-13 23:27:25

Be kind to yourself. Remember you owe him nothing. he is someone with whom you have been on two dates that is all.
And dissing x, red flag, saying he might fall for you, red flag.
you did right.

feelscared Mon 30-Sep-13 23:27:46

Oh God don't be fooled.

A lass I know got emailed a video of someone flashing her, he works with disabled kids!! I told her to report him.

tallwivglasses Mon 30-Sep-13 23:28:22

You were gaslighted (lit?). One minute he agrees it's too soon, next minute he says he didn't say it. Wtf? Plus the double standard shit over his old girlfriend. You did the right thing.

Patilla Mon 30-Sep-13 23:29:38

I am a firm believer that our instincts are there for a reason.

In this case they were picking up on undertones you might not have otherwise noticed and you very much did the ugly thing.

If it was a genuine mistake and he is genuinely serious about you then he will contact you cap in hand genuinely apologetic for making you feel uncomfortable and wanting to make sure he doesn't do it again and taking things extremely slowly to make sure that is the case.

Even if he does this I would recommend still remaining tuned into your instincts.

What you are feeling now sounds like the English "politeness" setting in. But you did the right thing.

Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:30:28

I'm feeling scared I've got a knife next to me. He seemed fine until we got in here and I felt out of my depth.

ALittleStranger Mon 30-Sep-13 23:30:43

He's not a paramedic is he?

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:31:50

Do I sound totally deranged?

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:32:12

No not a paramedic

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:34:06

He totally gaslit me. After I said its too soon, he said " I'll be honest I don't want to sleep with you it's too soon" then few minutes later totally denied it

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Mon 30-Sep-13 23:35:31

No you really don't sound deranged, people here are honest enough to tell you if you did. Patilla is right, instincts are there for a reason.

AnandaTimeIn Mon 30-Sep-13 23:35:35

I know he is in a job that requires stringent CRB check

You know for sure or is this a line he has given you....?

Even so, don't let people override your intution/gut feeling... cos that is your friend for life!....

PrincessKitKat Mon 30-Sep-13 23:35:59

You should be super proud. You were strong & brave & did exactly the right thing.
'Are you frightened?' WTAF?!

Silence your phone & sleep tight, knowing you're safe & never have to see Creepy McScary ever again if you don't want to. The shifty weirdo.

FabricQueen Mon 30-Sep-13 23:36:55

Yeah, it freaked me out just reading it too! You did the right thing, well done - you should feel good about yourself. Your instincts are spot on!

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:37:12

He is that job as he has too much knowledge of things within it and I know about them also because I do the referrals

Monty27 Mon 30-Sep-13 23:39:05

Totally dismiss the creep from you head. Hope you're ok.

aufaniae Mon 30-Sep-13 23:40:09

This is a massive red flag IMO:
"went on to tell me about a woman he slept with on the first night who became his GF but he never really liked that she'd done that."

Why would he not like it that she'd slept with him, unless he has a pretty fucked up view of women?

You should be congratulating yourself for having such good instincts, and most especially for acting on them when you did, before it got any more uncomfortable. Please don't doubt yourself.

And for the future, please, please will you promise us that you'll never bring someone into your home until you know them much better?

AnyFucker Mon 30-Sep-13 23:40:09

Love, it is overwhelmingly more likely that he is simply a bit of a sad fucker whose social cues are skew wiff rather than a serial sex offender. I don't think you need to sleep with a knife under your pillow. That would be dangerous for you

Give yourself a pat on the back, and sleep soundly. Don't give it another thought. If he contacts you again, simply say you don't want to see him again.

Dearjackie Mon 30-Sep-13 23:40:26

I feel quite shaken up actually. I'm scared to sleep

aufaniae Mon 30-Sep-13 23:41:15

CRB checks don't check if someone's is a misogynistic, manipulative areshole.

Whatnext074 Mon 30-Sep-13 23:42:13

A CRB is only as good as the day it was done and anyone with a CRB check can be a creep.

I'm so glad you did the right thing and went with your instincts. Like others have said, try and watch some rubbish TV and then get some sleep.

aufaniae Mon 30-Sep-13 23:42:23

I'm sorry to hear you feel shaken up, can you call a friend to have a chat? (Keep talking to us though of course, if you need to, loads of people here up all for ages!)

CressidaMontgomery Mon 30-Sep-13 23:42:36

Yes you did the right thing and yes he sounds like he wanted a shag and was saying any old flannel to get it. Good that you got rid.

But I'm concerned as to why you've got a knife next to you? That's not particularly normal - unless you feel he's going to break in?

He said some stuff and you put him straight. Forget it now. Do you suffer from anxiety in general?

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