Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
New relationship?(34 Posts)
Some of you will recognise me as I've posted several times in the past about an ex and the EA relationship. That broke up only 2 mths ago and I was initially in shock crying a lot however I quickly got to finally feel free and relaxed ( lots of you said that would happen)
I have been seeing lots of my friends and been on a couple of dates just to get out and also have a bit of male company. Tonight I met someone and it was the weirdest thing. I instantly felt close to him and he appeared to feel the same. We talked so easily for hours and I usually feel awkward with people I don't know. He wants to see me again and has asked if I consider him living a few miles away would be a barrier to a relationship (its only 15 miles) The problem is im a it obsessed with looking for red flags. I keep thinking I shouldn't be doing this as its too soon and everyone's advice has been to spend time on my own.
It just feels right somehow though and even though he mentioned relationship he's very polite and careful to say its all up to me and I don't feel rushed or under any pressure even though it is quick to be embarking on another relationship iyswim.
What I'm trying to say is why I am worried it might be the wrong thing to do even though it feels right at the moment?
Thank you cog you are right. I'm certainly not going to make him my only social outlet. I am doing lots of other things. I should be enjoying this and am in many ways its just the over analysing that I always do and always have done. I will have to practice diversion techniques when I start doing it.
With respect, that's not my point. You need to be alert to your suspicions on one level ... they are your 'early warning system' and it would be unwise to divert yourself or suppress your feelings. However, if your suspicions are so acute that they are spoiling the experience of dating, step out and give yourself a lot more time to build your confidence before stepping back in.
Tbh I don't think I could ever suppress my feelings I'm quite intuitive. But I'm aware I do dwell on things too much and think I need to enjoy more whilst still being alert
It was one date right? One date. You had a nice time. You liked him. He said things that excited you. It's what he does and how he behaves that matters. See him again, take his words for what they are - words - and see how he behaves. Good luck.
I don't know the background story but it doesn't sound nice. With respect...you write you're intuitive but in your posts you don't sound like you are at all. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone asking if you're looking to casually date, want a serious relationship, and is distance a problem if you really were talking for hours (that's like a couple of dates back to back).
But it doesn't sound like you're in the same place in life. He's looking for a serious relationship now, you need to casually date for a while. Happens all the time and you will meet mismatched aims a lot when dating. Just focus on what you need and want.
Just an update. I've had a very happy week. In fact I now realise how downright UNhappy I was in my previous relationship and how horrible he was to me. It's been over 2 months now since we split andi would NEVER go back. Even if I had to live alone forever I am happy with that. I've actually had a ball and want to thank everyone on here who has helped me through all the threads I've written when I was in despair at times
I am having a second date tonight and we have spoken a few times on the phone since we saw eachother last week. Thankfully he doesn't appear to be obsessed with technology like EA ex. Not constantly texting me ect and he has an old rubbish phone like me, don't ask me why that matters to me it just does. I think due to all the angst and secrecy surrounding ex's phone. Oh I know people can be up to something phone or not, old or not, but I just feel happier. I probably sound mad but waiting to see if someone is trustworthy and worthy of your time is quite a process. I'm not in a rush but at the moment I'm content
From experience I'd say you need to be really wary of moving into another relationship so quickly and also looking for opposites to recent ex's behaviour. It's very seductive to think oo new person doesn't do what old ex did, but it's not a good guide to compatibility. From what you've written you sound unready for a relationship, it's too soon, you're too raw. Good luck with things though, I know how hard it is and how attractive new love interest is
I think that I will always look for behaviour that is opposite to ex's and view it as a good thing, how can it be otherwise when you've been through something like that?
I do know however that it does not necessarily make you compatible with that person. I really don't feel raw, bizarre I know but I feel free, I feel like me again.
I am just happy to see this guy, it may or may not become something and if he makes me happy then good but if not well I won't be sticking around this time. If I stop seeing him now when I feel good and am enjoying myself well who knows I just might have let something good slip by. Also as I said I don't actually mind being alone either. I don't feel I have to have someone. The only person who gets to be with me now is someone who makes me feel fantastic!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.