How to cope with goading texts from ExP

[sarahjaye]

Recently threw my P out after a seven year, fairly volatile relationship. I'd been planning on exiting the relationship (the laptop smasher for those who read the thread, now deleted) and it unfortunately ended with a DV incident that left me though not badly hurt, but time off work, etc.

It's been two weeks since then and he's pretty much constantly in contact via text, which I'm increasingly finding harder to ignore mainly because they are so goading I feel the inexplicable need to respond to as they make me feel that if I don't reply and "put him right" then he thinks I agree.

For example, he's making comments about my family, my weight (bit out of shape, but only size 16 ffs) and rather oddly, my mental health.

I know deep down its because he's angry and upset, but I really wanted to go NC. I can't change my number or block him as it's my work phone and I can't contact the SP directly without having to go through IT - why can't you just block a number on an iPhone?!

I do need to be able to keep lines of contact open to arrange for him to clear his stuff out, but these texts are driving me mad, and though I hate to admit, really nasty and upsetting.

What can I do/ WWYD?

[Jagdkuh]

Contact abuse agencies. pop into police station. gain control and power-

[Mindmaps]

Tell him to stop contacting you and that any further texts will be seen as harassment and you will report to police. Report to police if he does text again.

[BasilBabyEater]

I would ask work to change your number or to block it.

Just tell them that you're getting harassment from this number and you need them to block it, it's none of their business the ins and outs of it.

If you can't face doing that, every time he texts you just text back saying "please don't text me unless it's about clearing out your stuff". Keep a copy of that text handy and just do it each time he texts. In fact, is there an automatic reply facility? That might work.

[basgetti]

Report it to the police and also ask that the police arrange for him to collect his stuff with an escort so you don't have to deal with it or face him alone.

[MakeMeJumpIntoTheAir]

I had this with my exh. It was anger and upset channelled into abusive texts. I was upset by them, he used to comment about my weight also, tell me how difficult it would be for a clinically obese person to get health insurance. I was a 14 ffs. I just took it. It didn't eat away at me but it wasn't pleasant to hear all the things he said.

After a while, I ended up reporting him to the police, he was in the army at the time, and he received a letter asking him to refrain from contact unless it was about the kids or the move. It was harassment. You should print them out and store them to show your solicitor if necessary.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Write this :

"The person you are trying to contact has installed an app which sends the following message to blocked numbers:
Your penis is very small. Every time you text this is the message you will receive. Your texts to them are deleted by the app before being read by the recipient"

Save it and send it every time

He will soon stop and it will drive him nuts knowing that you can't read his increasingly apoplectic messages

[Anniegetyourgun]

It really, really, really doesn't matter what he thinks - I can't stress this enough - he may think you agree but so what? He can't do anything about it. If you can't block 'em and you can't stop yourself opening 'em, how about answering them out loud (when there's no-one else around or you'll get some fully looks) in the way you'd really like to answer them, but don't actually text back. Because there's nothing a goady fucker likes less than being ignored.

Him: "You have put on so much weight, no-one else would want you"
You: "I can lose weight, but you will still have a very small dick. And a smaller brain." Smile and delete.

Him: "Your family are completely barking and should be locked up."
You: "Takes one to know one, sunshine." Smile and delete.

Him: "You are losing it, they will lock you up next."
You: "I'll never be mad enough to keep you in my life, Goadyfucker." Smile and... get the picture?

[sarahjaye]

I've been given details by the police about taking out an injunction against him to stop him contacting me. I did mention I would do so, but he just threatens to contact my family and 14yr old DS.

He's a very angry man right now and I'm trying to avoid antagonising him.

Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm at my wits end.

[Anniegetyourgun]

funny looks, obviously (that was all my own typo, I can't blame the phone because I'm not using one).

[Anniegetyourgun]

Hmm, nasty man. Can the injunction be extended to stop him contacting your relatives too? Or do they have to take out their own?

[undertheboredwalk]

No very useful advice I'm afraid but did want to say if you update your iPhone to the the new iOS7. There is now a block number facility.

Hth

[skyeskyeskye]

See if you can get work to block the number as somebody is harassing you. Get it logged with the police.

Regarding his belongings, box them up a d give him a time to collect them from a neutral place, or dump them outside and make sure that somebody is with you when he collects them. You don't need to see him that way.

[sarahjaye]

Thanks for the replies, they came in whilst I'm slowly typing! I have kept all the texts to show the police if necessary.

I knew this would happen, so hardly a shock. I'm just opened mouthed at the vitriol than spews forth!

[sarahjaye]

Undertheboredwalk, thanks for the tip, I just updated to OS7, so I shall look into that now.

[undertheboredwalk]

It's in the phone book or recent calls bit. If you scroll to the very bottom of the contact details there's a block number button :)

Hope it helps a bit!

Good luck.

[sarahjaye]

Thank you so much for your words of advice. I'm quite new to MN and the advice I've received here has been supportive, wise and much needed.

[OlympicSleepingChampion]

You say it's an iPhone. With IOS7 you can now block people from calling and texting you. It's very easy to do.

Just go to the text, select 'contact' at the top right of the screen, select the i in the circle and then at the bottom of the screen select 'block this caller.'

[sarahjaye]

Yes.... Found the block caller setting!

Thank you

[OlympicSleepingChampion]

You're very welcome!

Do save the old ones though just in case you need to report him.