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You know when women's who have cheating husbands lose the plot and do something dramatic?

(152 Posts)
ITCouldBeWorse Mon 23-Sep-13 22:13:25

You know like burn all their clothes, or detail what has happened on FB?

And people say keep your dignity etc, do you actually judge the wronged women at all?

I cannot see his anyone could. My friend carved 'adulteress' on the bonnet of the car of OW and I have to admit I thought it dramatic and appropriate. Good on anyone who does feel like an ice queen, but I actually think it might be cathartic.

But to anyone in that position right now, my best wishes to you, as the song says 'you will survive'

Leogirl73 Tue 24-Sep-13 11:00:19

When I was cheated on my husband was getting texts I replied to one of them telling her it was his wife and to go to hell , the cheeky thing replied leave me alone I will text who I want .... How rude ! Haha xx

charleyturtle Tue 24-Sep-13 11:07:05

Personally I think the best revenge is to just get on with your life and realise that if someone is willing to break your trust in such a way then you probably don't need them anyway and are better off without them.

Saying that, my friend did tell me about someone who after being cheated on went to his girlfriends house and planted daffodil bulbs in her front garden so that when they came up every year they spelt out "slut". I found this very funny.

Lweji Tue 24-Sep-13 11:09:58

I haven't been cheated on, that I know.

But, without a doubt, the object of my anger would have been my partner, not the other woman, unless she was my best friend.

Still, I don't think I'd want revenge of the illegal sort.

Much better to be happy without the cheating bastard than to show how affected I was.

Lweji Tue 24-Sep-13 11:17:09

Sometimes "behaving with dignity" is a euphemism for "shut up and don't make a fuss" because it makes everyone else's life awkward.

Probably right.

I'd still make a fuss, while behaving with dignity, because I'd kick him out asap and take him to the cleaners and cut contact as much as possible (bar between him and the children).

tb Tue 24-Sep-13 11:29:18

I was thinking of Lady Graham-Moon, too, and can remember that all the neighbours gave poor little diddums his wine back. Sort of shows on whose side the sympathy was.

MintyDiamonds Tue 24-Sep-13 11:32:03

When my ex lied and lied and then cheated on me whilst I was miscarrying, I had his mac book pro which he loved more than anything in the world. I ran over it in my car and poured water and oil all over it, popped it back into its bag and returned it without a word. Made me feel much better.

WeAreSeven Tue 24-Sep-13 11:53:06

No fecking way would I have given the wine back!

Hegsy Tue 24-Sep-13 12:06:57

I'm the scorned daughter not wife and I publicly ranted via facebook about him but when he won't answer the phone to you or meet you to discuss it like a normal adult you eventually loose your temper. Especially considering the girl was the same age as me and I had known her for a few years and they had both lied to me and made out my mum was off her rocker in thinking there was anything between them hmm needless to say me and him still don't have a relationship but I felt better for my rant. Especially considering now 3 years on they are still trying to cause dramas and arguements even though my mum has remarried. Latest being him and his nephew managed to convince my DB that my mum was getting lots of money for him(she isn't) and to move out to live with him.....he hasn't bothered his arse for 3 years but its just another way to get at my mum!

Although yesterday he drove past the shop(council bin lorry) my mum works in and gave her the fingers.......unsurprisingly when the lorry driver went into the shop to get their lunches and my mum was serving his up the salt 'slipped' mmmm bet that was a yummy lunch!!!

Mosman Tue 24-Sep-13 12:34:09

I would never break the law, public humiliation hit the spot nicely grin

Junebugjr Tue 24-Sep-13 12:39:24

An ex cheated on me years ago, no children or mortgages or anything like that involved. I found out, he did the usual begging for another chance etc etc, i let him think he was forgiven for a few weeks so he thought all was well, then shagged his best friend behind his back a few times, made sure he found out then dumped him. He was always paranoid about his bf and me anyway, for no reason during our relationship, so it was like revenge handed on a plate. I wasn't too concerned about OW as looking back it wasn't a serious relationship, but I can see how a person would feel the need for revenge against the DH and the OW, now I have a family of my own.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 24-Sep-13 12:42:05

I would respect her more if she spray-painted

"Cheating bastard shagging skunk" on her own husbands car, though.

ImABadGirl Tue 24-Sep-13 12:48:59

my dp has a crazy ex-wife, he didn't cheat, we got together about a year after they split and I was deemed the OW (I really wasn't!)

Anyway she just made herself look absolutely bonkers, she even found my ex-husband and shagged him!

Even 10 years on she makes things difficult for him, goodness knows what she would have been like had he actually cheated on her!

FuntimeFuschia Tue 24-Sep-13 13:09:24

I chucked my husband out last week for screwing some lass from work. I have been clinical, detached and civil withhim. I have not gobbed off on Facebook. I haven't targeted ow or even tried to give her too much thought.
However. ..
He collects lego. Makes intricate models which takes days. He loves his lego and each figurine was displayed proudly out of reach of dc hands. It's probably several hundreds of pounds worth, if not more.
Every single piece is now dismantled and mixed up in a bin liner. It's not damaged, I've not thrown it away, its all there. I had a brilliant time packing it all up smile it doesn't change anything and it's a tiny inconvenience compared to what he's left me to deal with but it will piss him right off. Ha!

Helpyourself Tue 24-Sep-13 13:28:15

grin Funtime, I bet you enjoyed carefully dismantling it!

Lweji Tue 24-Sep-13 13:57:48

Hegsy, I think daughter's raging is ok. smile

And he's an idiot to give the finger and then ask lunch from your mum.
He'd have got more than salt in his food from me.

fuzzywuzzy Tue 24-Sep-13 13:58:28

I have a rule in life to NEVER piss off the people handling my food!

Leavenheath Tue 24-Sep-13 14:25:15

Cog as you say, the 'hell hath no fury' trope was always designed to put women down. I didn't like seeing it redacted on this thread, but at least you've now pointed out the misogynistic context. I don't think the trope had any effect on men's behaviour, just women's. It didn't introduce an expectation that men would be 'efficient' in their anger because if that were true, there wouldn't be so much understanding for men who (even if they don't carry out their wishes) want to 'punch the OM's lights out.' That desire to commit violence is tolerated, understood and in some quarters even expected. There can be fewer futile gestures than anger-fuelled violence but if it's a man even thinking of doing it, while there might be disapproval there's some empathy but if a woman's even thinking of doing it, she's described as 'emotional and loopy'.

I hate to see women's anger controlled in this way. It's fine if a woman has the presence of mind to realise that the best revenge is living well and so she discharges her anger in ways that are profitable and beneficial to her. Not fine if she feels compelled to suppress justifiable anger and contempt because of some misogynistic expectation that she should be poised and calm in the face of treachery.

As for the wind-up merchant, it's ironic that someone who is angry to the point of obsession about her partner's ex-wife, keeps invading threads to berate women for getting angry wink.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 24-Sep-13 14:32:53

I've not been cheated on so maybe isn't fair to judge but honestly, no matter how angry I was I wouldnt give my ex and his new bird the satisfaction to call the cops on me.

No man, ever (especially a cheating hound of a man) is worth an unflattering mugshot and a criminal record.

Way I see it is, how do you want to be remembered? as the bitter crazy ex who provides a hilarious ancedote at dinner parties your ex and OW go to coz you scratched "cheating cunt" into the bonnet of his car? Or as his ex who is now so, so happy, lovely and successful (in whatever that might be) that you make the OW feel really shit and insecure and she doesnt want your name mentioned within the walls of the shagpad she lives in with her "prize"?

Maybe I'm simplfying it. But my mother is a seriously bitter ex and honestly? it's cringeworthy to see how awful and twisted she is even now, more than 2 decades after my dad left her for someone else. Most people including me have lost sympathy now. Always vowed to never, ever follow in her foot steps.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 24-Sep-13 14:36:08

funtime THAT is the sort of revenge that is entirely ok! grin no way can it ever be deemed unreasonable, let alone criminal. Hello! you've done him a massive favour. you packed up all his shit for him so he didn't have to. smile

captainmummy Tue 24-Sep-13 14:38:39

Amen, DSS!

conuniverse Tue 24-Sep-13 14:41:08

I once got revenge on an ex who fucked me over.

I let his work know he was watching porn on their laptop.

I dont know why I did it, the fact that he worked with kids, the fact he boasted to me he had made a female colleague cry (porn did make him aggressive) or was it just I wanted to ruin his life, yeah probably that.

I do wonder if I regret it or not, still not sure.

I agree with Leavenheath that women are despised/ feared/ hated when angry by society. I suspect his work were not happy with me for telling, espicially the HR woman who, on the phone, actually said 'Im going to have to write a letter now!'

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 24-Sep-13 14:43:55

I still think you're wrong. The stunts we're describing are not 'anger-fuelled violence'... no sleeves rolled up in the street or pistols at dawn... but petty, ineffective stuff like vandalising cars, writing rude messages on beds. It's the break-up equivalent of door-slamming - futile. And I think they're not only tolerated and understood but almost expected from women whereas a man behaving that way would be instantly marked down as a irrational nutters

conuniverse Tue 24-Sep-13 14:47:22

His disaplinary must have been sooooo humiliating grin and his reference was fucked (he was only on a 2yr contract so that would matter) so not that futile.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 24-Sep-13 14:50:40

Not futile in your case conuniverse but certainly one-removed rather than a direct confrontation... That's another thing expected of angry women. Slyness. smile

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 24-Sep-13 14:56:47

I think its seeing my mum make an utter tit of herself getting so wound up and agressive, even years later, that makes me think any revenge other than being happy, or at least pretending to be happy, is a bad idea. She has (understandably imo) been labelled as "difficult", "a pain in the arse" and maybe unfairly "no wonder her husband went and shagged someone else".

Yes, scream, shout, cry at your ex and throw things at the time you know when you first find out. But to think up ways and then act them out like wrecking their stuff, or badmouthing them to everyone you know makes you look a loon and deflects the ex's awful behaviour.

My dad was a total git at the time of leaving my mum but that's forgotten about by everyone bar my mother as he doesn't behave that way anymore. My mum's behaviour is remembered because she's not changed at all. Mellowed maybe but if her ex is mentioned you can see her totally change.

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